Virtual Ramblings

There was a big article about HIV patients in Bangalore Times of Times Of India yesterday. Not sure how many read that one. Basically it was about getting the partners tested for HIV AIDS before getting married, and also making AIDS test mandatory for certifying marriages.
This is not a simple topic, There are so many angles to this.

Firstly. If you think the advantages wise, It seems to be great, It may reduce the chances of women/men getting the disease when the partner acts as a Carrier. It might indirectly make people more careful about their life. More importantly It will prevent the their children from having it. But all said Is it really practical?

I cant Imagine how this can be implemented practically in Indian society. Considering most of the marriages in Indian are still arranged ones, how will the test results be exchanged, Will the horoscopes be sent along with an HIV detection test result?. So what if the tests are positive, Will they be allowed to marry only other people who also have tested positive?. What will be the expiry period of these results? so every month of the acquaintance till marriage will be a new result?. Ok now lets take the still minority number of so called “love” marriages. So when somebody actually sees a girl, Is he supposed to carry his test results around?. Or whenever he proposed along with the ring he will also have a certificate.
It sounds like sarcasms and also blown out a lot out of proportion, But believe me there is no easy way out. How practical this would be is a great question mark.
Lets forget about practicality, difficult but lets agree that this becomes a practice and its no longer a problem. Now emotionally also how taxing this will be. How people will start to judge person just looking at the results. Another biggest thing, what is the use of all this. If a relationship is based on a result, which can be correct or incorrect, how strong the relationship is going to be?. Is not the relationships supposed to be based on trust. If the trust is more on the lab technician who tests,than the partner, will that relationship be healthy?. So isn’t this a discrimination against HIV patients

All said and done, I am not against the proposal. But the problem is there are no wrong answers when it comes to questions like these.

Yet another test , Click on Read my visual DNA…

Some movies impress you a lot, and some do not impress at all. There are few which have few
moments of greatness, And Sofia Coppola’s “Lost In Translation” is one such. It stars Scarlett Johansson and Bill Murray in the main lead.

Plot: Movie is about an old celebrity who comes to Japan to do some ad assignment, And In the
same hotel there is this young early 20 recently married girl Charlotte[SJ]. they both are at a position in life, where they dont know why they are unhappy, And story is how they help each other out.

Though the movie is a little boring to begin with there are 3 scenes which have best screenplay I have seen in long time.

1. When Bob meets Charlotte on the way to the pool. This is when they do not know each other
well. And Bob is on the way to pool and Charlotte is on her way back from the pool. The thing that struck me with this scene, Is the long pauses. In real life it is so common , to see long pauses when two people are trying to have a meaning full conversation for the first time. I have seen similar scenes before, but the pauses here are awkwardly long and too much close to the real.

2. This scene is when Bob, being aware that Charlotte cannot sleep at night, asks her to join him. They both are on the bed. He is watching the ceiling and she is curled up and facing him. The dialogues that follow are too good. She is asked a question “what does she do”. and the expressions on her face when she tries to find out what she really does, and her realization in the midway that she really does not have her own interests is too good. What stuck me about this scene was how good the screenplay writer must have written this scene. I mean just looking at the scene I am sure the guy would have planned everything including the actual position and orientation of the characters.

3. The scene near the end of the movie, Where Bob calls up Charlotte to tell her, that he wants her to written the coat which she has stolen. And by the time she comes down, he is forced to pose for a photograph and smile, On one side he sees here going away and on the other he is forced to smile. I dont know much about this actor, But he deserves accolades for his expression here.

look out for:
Scarlet Johansson, she is simple yet gorgeous, and has emoted extremely well

let downs: certain shots forced into the movie because of commercial appeal. That too the opening shot with Scarlett’s butt, Is unnecessary, not sure what director wanted to prove here.

Too slow moving story in the beginning and some unwanted side tracks with an actress and
Charlotte’s husband.

Its nice to be able to force your will on others, I mean in a nice way.
After a long time when you force your friend to do something, and that person agrees, It makes you realize you still haven’t lost it. If that thing works out or not does not matter.
These little things does bring a smile on the face.

Does this become my shortest post?

Had to edit this a little, Not sure if it was explanatory enough.
The whole idea here was, You think you are close to someone, and you do anything they want you to, similarly they would do anything you want them to. But after a while, Its tough to determine how close you still are, And there are small things like this which makes you realize, you have not lost what you had some time back. And that can bring smile on anyones face.

Its always nice to know what you are. But do we really know what we are?, I am not so sure.
So what would you say, If some one asks you to Identify yourself, What I mean here is, How would you Identify yourself.
Name is the last thing I want to be my Identity. What have I done or what I have achieved which can be stated as an identity. Its a tough one to think about.
Does my profession become my Identity. No, I am not a Bill Gates to make my profession Identify me.
Does my academics Identify me, No again, I am not some Einstein here where my inventions speak for me.
Does the wealth Identify me, No not even close, I am not a multimillionaire for money to become identity
Does my behaviour, values and religion identify me, I don’t consider myself extra ordinary in those fields either.
So what it that, that identifies me? This ones a toughie
So does this mean I am going through an identity crisis, hell No.
So does this mean mediocre person do not have a strong identity? Well not so sure here. I feel yes they don’t and some times no they do.

Problem here seams to be the approach I have used to Identify myself. One should never be identified by comparison. Each one will have his/her own Identity, When you try to establish this in comparison with others, a stronger quality of one person might overshadow the subtle differences. So let me re look at the Identity

I am hard working and I have enough courage and ability to adopt to any profession, Does this identify me?
I was good enough to recognise importance of academics, and also the fact that never I should repent in life that I did not take my academics seriously, Does this Identify me?
I tried to innovate and make my job easier both at work and in day to day life. Does this Identify me?
I make enough money, to realize its importance, and thus more importantly knowing how to spend it, Does this Identify me?
I have developed strong values, and make sure my behaviour is not affected by circumstances and outcome, Does this Identify me?

I think it does. It might not distinguish me, but surely Identifies me. Here “Me” could be anybody. So the whole problem seems to be due to lack of knowledge about difference between Identity and Differentiators.

Oscar Wilde once said “Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”
some people are passionate in what they do, and definitely its good thing, but some people like me, are too much passionate, is that good?.
Recently I came across a questionnaire which asked me, Do you get too much involved in the book you read, movie you watch ? The answer in my case is yes. This is not something new, I have been passionate in what ever I do from beginning. Both likes and dislikes have been with more passion.
So may be readers can judge, is it good or bad?….

Anyways as far as getting involved in books and movies, these are some of the things I came across recently in various media, which really blew my mind…

At this moment, there are six billion,
four hundred seventy million,
eight hundred eighteen thousand,
six hundred seventy one people in the world.
Some… are running scared.
Some… are coming home.
Some tell lies to make it through the day.
Others are just not facing the truth.
Some are evil men, at war with good.
And some are good, struggling with evil.
Six billion people in the world
six billion souls.
And sometimes…
All you need is one.

Alexander pope:
How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d;
Human NatureThe Science of Sleep

Think one of the most universal human experiences is feeling alone. You’d never know it, but there’s most likely tons of people feeling the exact same way.Maybe because you’re feeling abandoned.Maybe because you realize that you aren’t as self-sufficient as you thought.Maybe because you know you should’ve handled something differently.Or maybe because you aren’t as good as you thought you were. Either way, when you hit that low point, you have a choice. You can either wallow in self-pity……Or you can suck it up. It’s your call

Something strange happened this sunday.
I was watching “Pyar ke side effects” with my dad, and After watching for about half an hour, I got bored and went back to my room. And then he said it, “I think you should get married”. I never imagined him saying this, that too so soon. I was speechless, I just kind of changed the subject.
More than answering his question, the one thing that stuck me was what would I tell If he asks me seriously, I do not have any answer and definitely no reason for saying no.
Just hoping he does not ask me again for atleast next 2 years.

A friend sent me over a scorecard which had statistics about Indian population, and its categorized based on gender caste so on, Hate to see these classification, not sure when the discrimination will stop, but that’s not matter of concern here. I was wondering, out of that, how many are of ages between 1 to 10 and homeless with no one to take care.

Indian as well as world society has progressed, at least in some areas. One such emerging thing is “Adoption” Adoption is a phenomenon which is said to be followed from ages, There are instances of adoption in almost all of the religions like Hindu mythology, bible, I am not so sure about quran, but am sure there will be a mention in there too.

As far as the people are concerned, from the onset of the modern society,employment is in fashion as much as business, though both end up as means to make money, there are few people who are risk takers and end up taking up steps to achieve their vision, others try to see them through to their vision. Most of the employees belong to the second category, Those who help people to achieve their vision. Along with society, even the work people do and what they want to do has also evolved, firstly there were lawyers, followed by bankers, then it was Civil engineers, doctors and now software engineers and BPO professionals. In short I call them junkies. So we, so called technical junkies are people who are supposed to work a lot and make more money. Lets not get into why we get to do this and not others. The point here is to look at what are we gaining and at the cost of what..

With the people in, there is one more thing which is closely related. “Relationships”. Relationships have also evolved over time, whats acceptable and whats not, seems to have taken a leap. Again with the evolution, relationship and kinds have changed. Gays, transvestites have become legal and also greatly acceptable in world. But the sad part of this evolution is, everything is accepted or rejected based on only one thing “sex”.People never take this out of the equation. Indian society too has evolved and yes sex is very much a part of it. Media had become more open. [I personally feel, they want to get more viewership by saying open and follow yellow journalism to the core]. But leaving out the taking advantage part, they have bought out to public things which were really closed behind closets and never discussed.

When it comes to adoption, my feelings are really confused, Who should do it, when they should do it? questions like this really don’t have an answer from me, And it is really strange when a person like me who wants to have an opinion on everything on earth, really has no opinion on such a novel thing like adoption.Is adoption meant for childless couple? firstly is it meant for a couple?. There has been said and written a lot on brangelina adopting kids from Africa, But mostly whatever gets highlighted in the media, looks like a publicity gig to me these days, One interesting bit in celebrity adoption is Sushmita Sen. When she can adopt a girl when she is single and really take care of the kid, makes me wonder, is this feasible in real life too? Can we adopt a kid when we are single and take care of it.

So by we I refer to junkies here.Junkies tend to work all day and late into night, And the poor BPO people they work all night. They spend like an hour max in the morning with the family and may be an hour in the evening, Even if they have time for a change, they would love to sleep or watch TV rather then spend it with family, The problem is after going through so much during the day, one can hardly have enough enthusiasm to sit through the ups and downs in the family. They dont get to spend time with spouse and especially with kids, They make a lot of money but do not have time nor energy to spend it. As my father puts it, They earn money for others to spend. I Have spoken to a lot of junkies who belong to different ages and with different problems. But all problems somehow end up with root cause as time management issues due to work. They not only get their social life screwed, but end up seeing bad face of the body too. Lately seem to hear lot of young junkies with chronical problems like Diabetes, high/low Blood pressure, back problems, One old technical junkie once told me, “Dude you are ageing, that too, prematurely” and advised me to take it easy.

As “We” try to figure out what we want to do with our lives, the society too is not so much clear in what it wants to endorse. Living in with a loved one, is a form of relationship which seems to be the next stop in the ever evolving Indian society. Not many people like it and do not endorse it. But what Indians in general dont know about it is, Its not just sex… Theres a lot to it. So at least some people should think about it before endorsing or condemning it.Commitment is something which is really reducing, and really people do not have themselves to blame for it. Ambitious people are everywhere, and this has led to lot of competition. Competing is not bad, after all its survival of the fittest. Commitment means a little bit of compromise from both the sides. When I dont want compromise something for my career and with lot of uncertainties in life, Not want to take up responsibilities, how can I expect a person just because she is my wife to do all that for me?. With all the things that happen around the world, nothing needs to be proven to say that gender has nothing to do with ambition, quest for power, money, knowledge and even happiness. So why force someone into commitment when you dont want to get into one. And again when you have two people sharing bed, its not just the bed the share, they share the things which then bring into it, there are lots of things in there, like knowledge, values, beliefs, strategies for life, and so on.. It beautiful to share something with a person you like. And the only thing that gets highlighted as the shortcoming of this form of relationship is just a part of bigger brochure.

There are lot of working women and who are really good at what they do and have a real good picture in mind about what they want to do and are really working hard to achieve it. All this does not make them not want company. People are known to excel in solitude, but whats the happiness if you have no one to share it with. So if a man/woman wants some company where they share common interests and really like each others company, whats wrong in living together. I would not have any issues with that. But again people do not live alone. And as idealistic it sounds one cannot ignore what people say.

So when it comes to issues Adoptions, I think the biggest problem is, there are too many lives involved, theres the kid, theres you, theres your spouse and above all the people around you. When even of these people does not support you, the adoption can tend to break many relationships, and more of all break the kids psyche. So one of the problems in life of “ours”, seem to be not so good social life. You end up thinking work at home and home at work. and not happy at both places. As the mind is not in the right place so is not the body, there seems to be a lot of ego clashes when it comes to family. Making one, starting one you name it there is an ego clash in there.

But for all this could adoption be an answer?

Could livin relationships help two ambitious people achieve what they want without hurting or asking them to give to relationships,more then they want to ?

Will “junkies” be yet another profession which will slowly fade and a new more prosperous profession take over?

Not sure. Lot of confusions. Currently no Definitive answer..

Another experiment in writing style, wanted to try episodic…Just had three issues, techies, adoption and livin relationships. Tried to put them all together. If it sounds too long and boring like KJ movie, well I cant help it, It had 3 heroes in there,

Should I register “Konfusions” before he grabs it?…

Its really great to protect someone, looking out for them, making them feel we are always there for them, making sure they do not make mistakes, and if they do cover for them.All of us would have done one or more of this for friends, relatives, people we care about at one point of our life. At the end of it we feel happy. But the question is should we?

Lot of places, we get to decide what we do, and we decide based on our support system. Some do it based on the risk factor, some do it on instincts, some do it on advice and some they just do it. None of the above decision making methods can guarantee success, but some more than others have been proven more in the history, and again it boils down to a person’s nature to choose any method.

I have always looked out for people I care, and in many cases gone out of the way to make sure they do not end up making the mistake. But lately I have developed alternate thinking towards it. Lately there has been a lot of change and one is my approach. Recently, I have had some dilemmas, where I felt a dear one was making a mistake. A friend, A relative and A colleague. All three in different facets in my life. I do not want to mention the mistakes, as I do not want to offend them, In fact that was the whole point.As I choose, not to tell them. What I really felt about their decision. I realized, its important to let them make mistakes. they might suffer a problem or two, but it sure makes them learn. All the 3 people involved, I was sure they are mature enough to deal with their mistakes, and am sure they would come out of it more strongly.

Indian society is guilty of too much looking out. There are too many people to tell you what to do and what not to. But if the person is not let to learn from the smaller mistakes, what would he do when he gets to face the real problems in life.

Relationships, priorities and money all can be a big thing, but till one point of time in life, they can be corrected. But a person learning to fight his own battles, more than that owning up to his mistakes and overcoming it, is a bigger lesson to teach, rather then using the shortcuts and providing them with an answer.

Every individual lives his life differently, and the same individual might live the life differently at different times. There are few things he is forced to undergo as a social being. One of the most common one among that, is earning money. Money started of as more of a means to buy the things we want. But natural greed led society to a position where, people want just money [not the thing which they can buy out of it] . I hate to be part of one such society and cant stop hating myself when I end up surrendering to the same blast.
Everyone works hard, but a few get paid what they deserve and many more then what they deserve. When I started my Carrier not long ago. The pay package was a really important category to choose the job. Company name does have a little importance, But I would be totally lying If I say I would have joined a great company for a crappy pay. Then as you grow in the company, Initial few years its more of catching up with your peers and seeing that you make at least decent amount of money. Slowly I realized that I do not have that much of needs and of course not that much of activities to spend on. After about 3 hikes, It no longer was to get a hike so that I can buy this thing, or wait really bad so that I can buy something for a person, And so on.
I do have needs, But mostly not so expensive.My policy: If have enough money so that I need not think twice before spending 60% of what I make. It should be sufficient.
So now, when it come to hikes, Its more concentrated during that particular announcement period. And its mostly How much did I get?, Is it on par with the peers?, If less, What I did wrong. If its more, Then I must of have done something good.
When Its less, I sulk for a while. and if its more I will be happy for a while, But all the excitement is not about making use of what I get.
I am not sure its growth in terms of age, or in terms of mind, or on the contrary lack of growth which leads us, so called engineers in lacking interest in what we want to achieve, at least materialistically or in some cases too much of greed.
I wanted to post this, before I get to hear, last years performance rating. As I am sure after that for a few days at least either I will be sulking or happy. But One thing is for sure its transient.