Virtual Ramblings

Anger is one thing which is not new to anyone, everyone of us get angry sometime or the other. Its just how we react during the anger, which varies from person to person. Someone once asked me do you ever get angry? and my answer was yes and very easily. I don’t have issues with anger or anything like Adam Sandler in some movie, but I do get angry easily. In fact I have to admit it has come down a lot in recent times.

Over the years I have observed two kinds of reactions to anger.
First kind of People react to anger openly, they show their frustrations and are mostly vocal about it, their rants are never held back and even if it is not to the face of person who is the cause for anger, they vent out their problems to other people.
The other kind is more introverted, and they never get the frustration out, they keep anger to themselves, and do not take any action. Instead they end up holding back the anger and suffering deeper.

I really don’t know which one is better, in a way the first option seems better, that way you dont carry any baggage with you. It helps you clear your mind and get over the problem once and for all. Sometimes the later one seems better, this way you wont end up doing something in haste, nor have to face consequence for your actions. You may end up even surprising the opposition and that can work wonders to you.

I belong to the later category, the painful inner ranter kind.

Long time back I had a conversation with one of my friends, He knew me from long time and also easily could make out what made me angry. This one day both of us were angry and he was telling me how bad he felt about the deed that made us angry. I was behaving as though I was not angry and cribbing in the back of my mind. According to my friend, both of us were in the same boat, it was just that I was not being vocal about it.

Just the other day, I was angry, angry at a remark made about my working style. I was furious, because of the some reason. I guess we need to be a little careful when we comment on some one else, you never know the state of mind nor the other persons reason for taking a particular stand. As always its always better not to comment about how there is one correct style and the rest bad.

Anyways more than the anger, it was my reaction that surprised me, this time I was very vocal, I did not hold back my anger any longer. All it took was one angry statement from me, and I went quiet, not quiet with anger, it was my reaction.

The incident holds one significance to me though, I moved from the later kind to the former kind. Atleast this one time.

Which kind are you?

One of the great habits I have developed recently is reading, I had never imagined I had so much of patience in me to actually read a whole book, unless it was technical. I started with humor and then moved onto non fiction and then to slight philosophy. Of all the books I have read, the one style which I like a lot is symbolic writing. I simply love when the author can make two statements at the same time, the literal meaning gives out one story, and there is a bigger meaning hidden.

I have tried to use this style sometimes when I blog, Its like communicating two things at the same time, and its all left to readers to make whatever they can out of my posts. One of the recent ones which I liked personally was Foot in an open beach

Even when I read blogs I tend to look at such posts, I tend to look so closely sometimes that I tend to see symbolism even at places where it is not intended. Sometimes it would have come out unknowingly to the author, and in most others its just me imagining stuff.

Apart from the symbolism in my writings, I also have developed few associations to things around us. I am sure many more people develop such associations over period of time. You relate many objects around you in day to day life to a particular thing. Here are some of such things and to what I associate them to.

Water - “god”
Cappuccino - “work”
Noise - “Torture”
Friends - “Chosen few”
Humor - “Hiding emotions”
Discussion/Argument - “Knowledge”
White - “her”
Different languages - “Expression”
Writing - “Passion”
Flowers - “Life”
Laugh - “hidden pain”
Shopping - “people”
Morning jog - “My time to do anything peaceful”
Silence - “Bliss”
Touch - “Romance”
Regret - “Loss”
Religion -”ugly” “never understood in right spirit”
Feelings -”Personal”
Anonymity - “choosing people to know the real you”
Media - “lame”

Do you use symbolism?, do you associate stuff?, do you have some of these on your list?

Its really nice when some one sparks your thoughts. Its even better, when this is done by someone whom you interact with for the first time. It feels nice to meet such people. I would have loved to talk about more about this, but I almost scared one person of my blog site by posting that report from statcounter. I well not do that this time.

Anyways, I got this nice comment from Gayatri saying…

U ve thought
U ve sensed
U ve felt dnt
u know tht im ur friend? a friend who follows ur thoughts? and proceeds to get them in reality? I DO, do U??? ? -cruel T.I.M.E (three qn marks are questioning

UR qn marks and forth one is for U )
So there you go, My answer to your question

waiting for your response!!

Recently I came across this website about missed connections, its like an ad website, you can write about people whom you have lost, people whom you have had glimpse or just a little encounter, you can post about them, and if someone has a clue they will get back to you. I kind of liked the concept. I thought I could do that too, may be not on a website but on my blog page. So here it is, not an advertisement but more of an experience.

I entered not so busy train, expecting a peaceful journey. Time for a little history, I am with my group of friends, well more like people I have just met, people who wanted to travel. My group gets separated, the tickets are not together so we bunch of three end up separate.

As I was saying, I enter the compartment and find my seat. My seat is on the side row, kind of way I like it, just one more person to deal with. The seat is close to the entrance, the door seem to be struck, not oiled perhaps, very tough to open, people struggling in and out of it. I sit by my own, thinking about the day, what happened all along, what went wrong, what I enjoyed. I see this small girl, well not so small, may be 10 years old. She has a big bag in her hand and is struggling to get it, I stand up and open the door for her. There I see a big smile on her face. I begin to think, how happy kids are always. I don’t see who’s behind the kid. Then I see “You” enter, you with your serious face, you look angry, may be it was the heat, or may be it was the fight you had with your sister. I close the door behind you and get back to my seat. I don’t bother to look at you.

I start reading the news paper, the noise made by your family begins to annoy me. I look up and see your face for the first time. You look young, may be 17/18. I fail to see what you are up to, I get back to my paper, I get a little conscious, and look up, I catch you staring, staring at me, you got shy and change your sight. It is a new experience for me, not many times I have caught someone staring, definitely not as young as you. For a second I think I am imagining things, and just lift my head to confirm. I see you stealing a glance at me again. Now I am confirmed, Still I am surprised, I wonder what did you see in me.

Couple of hours go by, I don’t give you much attention, rather try to avoid that. I decide to sleep in the upper berth. I close my eyes, awake though. I hear you fighting again with your sister. This time to sleep in the opposite berth to mine. I kind of enjoy the attention. You are too young for me to reciprocate. I feel this must be your crush or something.

Next day I wake up early and see you sleeping, first time I see the innocence in your face, I can now see the face that was stealing a look or two the other night. It was time for me to get down, I get down even before you wake up. I get off, a little happy, for all the attention and a little regret for not speaking to you. A week goes by,

Standing there I knew, this would be the last time I am seeing you, few days later and I am back to my city, my city so far from yours. I didn’t hope for anything more. Just knew that you would be one of the missing connections.
There is always a thin line between reality and imagination, as the line begins to blur the picture becomes more perfect.

There are few things which can never change, and unfortunately mindset is one of them. One of my strongest believes in life was that people grow up when they age. Later it changed, I thought age has nothing to do with growth, people grow up along with the knowledge/information they acquire over the years. One of the important aspects of growth being the improvements in the mindset, broadening of the mind, accepting alternates and seeking the best out of the opposites.

Not every person grows with age, but with literacy a person is exposed to various channels through which he/she can acquire knowledge about anything. Even without the extra efforts from the individual, he/she gets to know basic information and skills to understand the right and wrong. This is what I assumed. I guess I was wrong. When people refuse to learn, they end up literate but uneducated.

Religion in India is a very u0gly discriminator. Educated people, even with all the knowledge, think that the sole reason behind the success/failure or good/bad deeds of a person is his religion. How can people be so insensitive?. I was witnessing a discussion today about failure of our president as a president. I really don’t spend much time on these things, as I feel its not worth. Politics is not uncommon, president bashing does happen all around the world. The sad part in the discussion was 3 educated people, all elder to me by a clear distance, reasoning his failure was because of his religion.

If the new generation, who are exposed to so much of truth want to ignore the knowledge and still continue with the blind mindset, which has been around over the years, what is the use of them being literate and educated?. I had huge hopes on our generation to get past the religion and look at the individual. I guess I was too optimistic. I don’t even want to get to secularism. I think Indian definition of secularism needs to change.

I have lost hope, hope that we will grow up, hope about looking beyond the religion of a person, looking at the individual.

We meet many people in our work and personal life, many of them want to get some work done out of you, or you would want a work done out of them. What I am trying to get at, is, we end up spending lot of time communicating and interacting with people whom you may or may not know.

When it comes to interaction, people are really unique, but attitude is something which can be categorized. After 25 years of experience below my belt, there is one attitude which really irritates me, even though my anger has become so much controlled these days, still this one gets me totally pissed off.

The attitude I am talking about is “accusation“. There are some people who always tend to speak as if they are accusing you. Its really sad that they don’t understand how badly they can hurt the other person. Accusation is not generally taken well by me, or for that matter anyone. Even though that person is wrong, we should have a way of telling it. I know and agree with all supportive arguments to being open and straight forward. Being open or straight forward does not mean accusing some one.

When it comes to work life, you interact with so many of your juniors, peers and even seniors. The first thing that emerging leaders/leaders should learn according to me is never accuse some one of something. Even without accusing you can bring the problem to the notice of the person. Try to explain the problem and its impacts and repercussions, offer to help if required. That would form a very good impression on your juniors. More than the impression, it will motivate the person to solve the problem.

Even in day to day life, when you try to get work out of people, I have seen so many people accusing the other person for bad work or results which may not be as expected. This is normal and bound to happen, I guess people should develop a little more patience and tolerance to the unexpected and unacceptable outcomes.

Anyways, When it comes to me, If you need some work done out of me, now you know, what not to do. Watch your tone and attitude mister!!!.

Firstly I would like to apologize to all people, I was trying to do something stupid on my blog yesterday because of which some of my old posts have started showing up as new, All people who have me on their feed reader, sorry for the inconvenience.

I had a really foody weekend, I had been to some really nice restaurants and had some xcellent food. On Saturday I was invited to a party by my cousin, who was here from Hyderabad [another city in India]. He had set up a party for all male cousins of his, at a bar.

For people who dont know me that well. I used to drink alcohol. I was never a big drinker nor a regular one, but I used to once in a while. It all started when I was about to finish my university, since I was the youngest in my age group of cousins, they had already started to work and drink occasionally. I used to go with them for dinner or parties, and used to be the odd man out when it comes to drinking. I had one of my principles that, I would not drink out of my Father’s money. That meant that till I start to work no drink. I used to get tempted naturally due to curiosity and I used to take a sip or two from my cousin’s glasses. Once I started to work I used to take a 4/5 drinks in a month. I used to love vodka and cocktails were my favorite. Then on my trip to US got hooked on to Bud-light, and used to have like 4 beers per week. After coming back to India I almost got back to my original habit of around 4/5 drinks per month.

Suddenly some time in November 2006, I felt this sudden urge to stop the habit. I think I wanted to test my self control and test my drive regarding the un-cling policy. I stopped to drink. I did not have a drink for long time. I just broke my vow during my recent vacation which I don’t regret. It was a conscious decision to enjoy the exotic drinks which I wont get in other places.

Coming back to the subject. When I walked into the party, I knew I did not want to drink, I also knew that my cousins wont let me “not” drink. More than that I did not think I could control myself. I thought with all people drinking and me thinking that drinking is not bad, might tempt me into having a drink. The worst part is having people egging you to just take a sip.

I sat on a table with 7 people drinking and discussing drinks, I ordered a coke to begin with. Almost at the end of the coke. I had heard all kinds of comments from my cousins. Apparently “I have stopped because of my non existent girlfriend” also I have stopped because “My mom found out” [not that she didn't knew before], I have stopped because “I have someone in sight”, the list goes on… Anyways I did not really heed to any of the comments. But internally I knew the smell was tempting me, just to take a sip.

I finished my coke and ordered a mango drink, also my mind had cleared by then. It was just the anxiousness about not drinking more than the want to drink. I had survived. I had survived a big test. I guess my self control towards temptation is not all that bad..

Drink was just a symbol I guess, it was the symbol of weakness, it was symbol of attachment. I really wanted to do this. I sometimes think, “The worst person to meet in a battlefield, is not your worst enemy but yourself“. It feels really good when you emerge victorious.

Robert Quillen once said “Discussion is an exchange of knowledge; an argument an exchange of ignorance.”

I generally don’t share the source which made me think about a post. Specially not provide the link to that post. This is my way of protecting the original sources opinions. I somehow feel that many authors does not like his/her work being debated. [I personally hope this is not true]. Today is an exception, my friend here theSilentK talks about her thoughts when it comes to sharing things on blog.

Speaking of discussion, there are somethings which cannot be discussed, somethings which shouldn’t be. The tricky part is determining these “Something”. How do you categorize things as discussable. Which do shove as things that shouldn’t be asked opinion about.

To me its simple I feel anything which I feel worth thinking about, should be shared for people to discuss. I have grown up being closed to every body’s thoughts, I had been a person who once felt it impossible to believe “I can be wrong”. It took me quite some time to realize that everything cannot be right or wrong, there are so many intermediates. The perception and thoughts of individuals give us a lot think and learn.

Coming back to values, growing up we are all exposed to opinions, opinions of family, society, religion, art, literary works etc. The fun part is the values we develop based on these opinions, become the basis for opinions on the very same things. Its kind of a recursive black hole which we enter into. It takes a conscious hard decision to break out of this mold, into something unseen and unheard or say progressive.

The problem with this is, there are things which people may not feel comfortable to discuss in person, We put such hard boundaries we put to ourself, we sometimes shy away from our opinions. Leaving aside this problem, there is a bigger one, in finding the right people or the wrong people to hear opinions about.

I feel, Our values are things which even though strong, should be open to debate, to be open to hear what others think. It might take a while but am sure would help us in realizing there’s lot more, there is lot more people, thoughts and rights.