Virtual Ramblings

“Am I Spiritual?”, One question which I have failed to answer to myself many a times. I guess one of the main reasons for my failure to answer this question is, spirituality itself, its something so personal, totally a private feeling.

I like the sanskrit definition for spirituality, its called “adyathma” which means “that which pertains to the self or atma[soul]“. So I would define being spiritual is caring for your spirituality, that would mean caring about your soul. So the question bounces back, when do you feel that you are caring for your soul?

When I wake up the first thing in the day, without any efforts from me, or will, I instinctively pray. I might have chosen some not so common set of prayers[shlokas] which I prefer, some about the god, some about goddess, some about life, some which tell me the importance of education, and some praising the all important thing in life “Time”, anyways they do give me, for a short time of about a minute, a sense of hope for the day, a feeling of happiness, and that surely would please my soul, so is that spiritual then?

I do believe food is an important part of life, and I do believe in living to eat, rather then eating to live. I am extremely meticulous in the food I eat, and I carefully choose the right amount everything that gets into my food. I get really irritated if the taste is even a little bit off, food does excite me and makes me feel happy about the day, I can still remember days where I have had amazing food. So isn’t that caring for my soul?.

From the very beginning, I have loved discussions and arguments of all kinds, I feel disagreement is the right way to question stuff, at the end of the day you get many things on to the table and finally learn a lot more then you could have had, if you just agree at the beginning. ability to question and to ask is something which pleases me a lot. I never question authority I always question information. so isn’t this spirituality?. Trying to follow something which gives you immense pleasure.

There are amazingly insignificant things which can drive you close to yourself.

Lately I have lost the sense of my spirit, I am not able to find things which excite me, I know writing does, but again there is something which I am missing, not sure if its a thing, or a person, or even a event which might turn my way around.

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Daisies who writes at pluckthepetal.com introduced me to a beautiful project called My Sacred Project started by Carla of Zena Musings . The idea is to post a photo of your daily life capturing something that connects you to Spirit. The idea is to connect with the holiness of everyday life. Just an attempt to probe my spirit

Hello, my name is Silver and I am a virgin.

I do not make this statement in jest. I do not make this statement to boast and I do not make this statement out of shame or embarrassment. I make this statement as a matter of fact. I am a virgin.

Recently Rambler asked his blog readers to share with him things that we would not discuss on our blogs. Being the smart ass I am, I stated that I would not discuss my sex life, or rather, my lack of sex life. As fate would have it however, here I am doing exactly that. Funny how things work out.

I find being a twenty-something female virgin in the United States to be a challenge. I am constantly being challenged by two different mindsets, the traditional and the modern, both of which are strong forces in my personal life.

You can read the rest of the post Call me a romantic - by silverneurotic

Have you guys looked at newspapers recently, I am sure you would have. If you have, you would have noticed the number of suicides that are happening in India seem to be on a raise. People ending life everywhere, people who are educated, established, who have not even experienced the basic feelings of the human form of life, people who have accomplished a lot and or on way to even better stuff. Its really confusing and damaging trend.

We see people, especially techies committing suicides very often, and in most of the cases it gets assumed that the cause is the stress. I refuse to believe this, I do not think stress alone can be cause of so many suicides, so whats it that our colleagues are ending life for?, is it stress, depression or sense of being useless. If it is depression, whats causing it?, is it their busy life?, lack of time for outside work? got me really thinking.

As I began to think, I counted the number of times I have visited a doctor in last one year, may be 8 times, out of these, all 8 times was for a seasonal cough or a cold, may be once for a bad stomach after eating some stuff out on the streets [ that I would never mind]. Anyways the point is all of them were due to my body ailments, did I ever think about meeting a counselor? nope. Not even close to thinking of meeting one such. All of us know that 90% of our problems seeds from our brain, so why is that we don’t get ourselves checked for that?, I am not saying all of us have gone mad, we need to meet a psychiatrist or something like that.

See thats the problem, we all believe [including me] meeting a counselor is for people who have something wrong in their mind, either they have mental illness, or mentally retarded or even worse unfit for society. It might be a little exaggeration but deep down we do frown upon people who do meet councilors. How wrong we all are.

Recently read an article in an otherwise useless daily called Times of India, about how software firms and BPOs in Bangalore have started providing their employees counseling, they have started giving anonymous service where people can send problems and get advice, also meet them casually and see if they can see signs of issues, and advice accordingly. I feel this is a great step, this will make that less of a taboo, and more acceptable.

So coming back to the reason for depression and suicides, I think the main problem is the lack of balance.

Huge change in financial state, is the first thing that strikes me, people coming up poor backgrounds suddenly given so much of money don’t know what to do, most of them end up spending too lavishly with no thoughts for future, when they end up in a fix, they end up ending their lives.

Improper work/personal life balance, I have been totally guilty of this one, I mean we absolutely don’t give ourselves any time for personal stuff, like enjoying a hobby, making friends and other pursuing other relationships, enjoying a hot cup of coffee with our family. Small things these, but act like a total morale booster you know. Somewhere with no vent for the mind, the depression creeps in. I have complained of bad mood for no reason so many times.

Bad influence from the environment, where the bosses don’t respect people’s personal life, when lot of things are expected, sentiments are ignored, and in turn frustrating the employee more.

Peer pressure, I have always been a believer that strong will is a must, and once you have that peer pressure or any other pressure would not work on you, I would like to believe that no one can make me do something unless I want to, but then having seen people, may be a little weak minded, being easily bullied, or lured into things which are beyond their capability, be it drugs, sex or alcohol, or any other thing. The guilt and the regret they are left with, does cause a lot of issues.

All in all a very bad trend this, something seriously to be thought about.

Its third week of “Heads or Tails” over at Skittles’ and todays topic is Hobby.

One day my friend S and I were discussing about the very same topic, now being a hobby-less man for most of my life, I hardly have any extra curricular interests to put up in my resume, anyways context of that discussion is totally irrelevant here, but that day made me think about all those things which just missed being my hobby.

When I was in my elementary school, as any normal hindu kid growing up in a traditional environment would do, I was made to take interest in hymns, and songs in praise of the god, and man did I like doing that. As a kid you are ready to do anything that gets you attention, and this singing hobby of mine, was just one such. I don’t even remember when it got lost.

My uncle saw some spark in me with painting, and it became my hobby for almost 3 years, I was too young to understand the concept of art, all I knew was colors. I used to attend this painting workshop like 3 times a week almost for 2 years, and at the end of 1.5 years, they did do a exhibition of all our work. A national daily picked up my work and wrote an article about how expressive the painting was. The real fact is I didn’t understand what they saw in the painting. By the time I entered 6th grade, this so called hobby of mine was totally gone.

If sports can be considered a hobby, then couple of years went in all kinds of sports, I did enjoy playing kho kho the best, I did play for my school couple of times, but then studies was too important when compared to some game, which was like hardly known to people. As a hobby I did love it, almost playing daily, getting my pant torn at knees every other day, the patch on my knee which was inevitable, the closest I have got to being wild was this period.

As an young adult, hobbies were almost screwed up, and studies was the all important thing. In high school, we were forced to choose one, and I chose dramatics, may be because it had least things to do, this was one thing which I learnt least, A couple of make up gigs did attract me, but then I was too uninterested in this hobby.

Towards the end of my high school I picked up writing, I for the first time in life, realized I had so many things to say, I started in my native language kannada, and essays were my favorite form of expression. I did write many of those, and did get them published in couple of kid magazines, all I have about those are memories, few cuttings from magazine and couple of prizes which I won.

Then came a long gap, where I had no hobbies what so ever, unless you want to call TV as an hobby, was totally focussed on only one thing, college and job. Most of the days I don’t regret this at all.

Lately, in an year or so, like all you guys, It too got bitten by the blogging bug, there has never been a hobby which I have pursued with so much interest and effort. It started with just a pass time, but in a short time totally took me over, I began to realize I have so much to say, and no one to listen. So why not say it, may be someone somewhere is interested in all the crap I dish out. If not anyone, at least I have a place where I can say anything I want, everything I think about and not worry about what I am supposed to say. For the first time, I could really get rid of the ironmask which was on me throughout all my life.

Willie Shoemaker once said “There are one hundred and ninety nine ways to get beat, but only one way to win; get there first.” Pretty strong I must say, very positive and inspirational. Everyone wants to win, don’t we?.

There has been interesting theory regarding the wanting to win, how much we should give importance to winning, is winning everything?, should we be always looking to win?. In this competitive world, yes thats what we are thought to do, think about winning, always plan for it, come up with ways to get there, learn from winners, see if you can make someone lose for your win, all’s square in the effort to win.

Recently was reading an interview from a top sportsman from India, I must say it was one hell of an inspiring interview, it was how he fought against corruption and politics in Indian sports bodies, how when he joined the team he had to face people who didn’t want to win, about the different school of thoughts when it comes to the idea of winning. He talks about how people in the team believed not loosing is a win when he joined the team.

Pretty interesting, can not losing be counted as a win?, isn’t that too negative way of thinking?, Isn’t he who fears to lose, the one who gets satisfied from not losing?, is there something seriously wrong with this approach. Looking at this from distance makes us believe its not the right approach. But we all have been found guilty of playing safe, being ready with plan B if we fail, isn’t risk mitigation a good plan, and then when you know that you cannot pull it through, atleast save some pride by not losing?. On the contrary people do say that if you cant win, there is no point in not losing.

Richard Bach says “That’s what learning is, after all; not whether we lose the game, but how we lose and how we’ve changed because of it and what we take away from it that we never had before, to apply to other games. Losing, in a curious way, is winning.”

This brings in a total new perspective, about gaining from your loss, all of us agree that loss in inevitable, but when we do lose, why not make best use of the loss?, why not take the best out of it, make the loss count for bigger wins, find your win even in the loss.

When it comes to me, I have been competitive throughout my life, its always been about winning, losing has hurt me badly at times, I have learnt from losses, and no it has not reduced my want to win.

Its probably one of those debates which are very personal, and way too dependent on the individual. What say guys…..

Throwingroses, as we know him writes at My life as a conscious observer. I am not sure how I came across his blog, or was it him who left a first comment, I guess it does not really matter. From what I have known him through his blogs, he is one deep thinker. Now isn’t that something great and rare, he writes less compared to blog crazy people like me, but all his posts are really well thought, precise and insightful. He has introduced me to some of very good music on his site, and his experiences in his cafe are really interesting.
He writes at

You can read the rest of the series here “Body or Soul” or Pure Pursuits .

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Much like a dog so is our body. The dog breathes whimpers and cries into the air out of a desperation. All the noise and even the possible tugging of pant legs are to let the master know what it needs. The dog may need to be walked or even just a little hand to head petting, but the master chooses to ignore.

You can read the rest of this post below
Who’s the master - by Throwing roses.

Random Announcement:
I am all excited about the “Body or Soul” series which have started friday, it had been on my mind for quite sometime, and it has been a really nice experience talking to all you guys and collecting the opinion. I have started a new blog called pure pursuits, which I will be using to post this series along with here, plans of using that in future for such series.

Random Requests:
There are days when you get the feeling that you are special, and I will be totally dishonest if I say these days are normal, as any other day, everyone needs those days when they feel happy about themselves, and last couple of weeks two people gave me one such days each.

There are people whom you never talk to, or rarely talk, and you hardly know each other and have no clue what each other are upto, and when they happen to be your family, it kind of creates a distance especially if there is huge age gap involved as well. I have a close cousin of mine, who is very younger to me, may be around 10 years, and I hardly have spoken to her in the past, even though she is my first cousin, to say the least there is a vast distance. Suddenly she sent me a message she wants to talk to me, and asks me to come online. I had a mixed feeling about this, doubts, surprise, a little shock, and a little fear. I meet her online, and she talks to me as though she knows me really well, and after a couple of formality exchanges, she asks me point blank, “now lets talk business, I need your advice”. I loved the authority with which she demanded the advice, firstly it proved that she knew I am going to give useful one, and her view of our relationship was so strong she didnt bother to think twice before asking.
Way to go girl.

The other request was made by friend S, I cant talk much about the request, just want to say it was really unique, and something which I could never expect, and have to say every time I assume my friend can’t surprise me more, she does it with a bang. I haven’t yet worked on her request, and knowing I got to do it by today I got to hurry up.

Random Thoughts:
The other day was on my way home from a shopping place which I hate, for the pure reason that it is crowded all the time, and I dont like such places at all. I had to go there because we had to buy something for my cousin. On the way back I got thinking, “Time is money, and time is precious, but there are times when we spend loads of time doing something which is trivial and which we wouldnt have done unless for the person for whom we are doing this, those are the things which remain in our memory, and these memories are priceless, “If time were to be money, I would be worth in crores, and still those moments would be priceless“

Random Philosophy:
There are lot of people who inspire me, among them the most who do are people who have come up from dumps, that too on their own, I hate to admit, I dont like to spend time with few people in the family, mostly because I do not like their approach to life, their ideologies and most of all the topic they talk about having no sense about whose sensibilities they are hurting, but there are few people who are way far related to us, and I have highest regards when they come home, just because they know how tough it is, and that has given them amazing perspective to life.

This guy was talking to us, and out of no where he pulls this out, “We had to sell our house when I was very young, I was not in a position to tell my brothers/sisters the correct way, and they were not in a position to listen to the right, Today I realize, the problem was I could not prove to them the difference between living and life“
Dont you think this was amazing.

Random pleasures:
My friend had a huge surprise planned, he suddenly decided to come to India without telling any of us, and out of blue call me and tell that he will be in my house in evening, that was so much fun. Amidst all the rain Bangalore is getting this was a pleasant surprise, though we could not do much fun things, I am sure I have nice couple of weeks ahead.
Did I mention he got me a big box of liquor chocolates which I love.

Random Foodies:
Thinking about chocolates brings me back to foodies this week, havent had a big foody weekend so far, been slightly under weather, with a bad throat, this means no ice creams no sweets and of course no spice too.
I did try the new world food festival happening at pizza hut and it sucked.
Hopefully a better week next time.
With some of my friends talking about durga pooja, it does tempt me a whole lot to get back to the Bengali place at Indiranagar, Blore.

Random regret:
How choosy can I get, I wasted almost 1.5 hours looking for a shirt on Wednesday, not only did I waste my time but also my cousin’s. I finally did the shopping within 15 mnts the next day, but that day I was sick about myself. When you have something in mind and you dont get it, it really frustrates you.

Random Humor:
My friend S texts me to see If I can meet her and our friend.
“Do you feel fit enough to come out in the evening“
Seriously what would I reply, fit enough?

Its the time to post the first entry on “body or soul” series, well I did post one yesterday, today I begin to post what others think on this subject. Before I get to the post, a little information about the author. I have started a new blog called Pure Pursuits which will have all posts of this series. You can post comments on the post, and I would request the original author to answer the comments.

I came to know about Paisley from the poetry blogsite, where I began to tag recently. I came across her blog and was actually dumb founded, the great thing which stands out in her posts is her honesty, not many have the knack to express whatever the mind thinks in a way that gives exactly what information it needs to, and still makes the reader think for days together. I hardly comment on her blog, mainly because it leaves me thinking for many days even after I read them, only after that much time I can form an opinion.. She has an unique perspective to life, rather an unconventional one and its evident in her posts.

After reading many of her posts, I chose to write a comment requesting her to participate in this series, and she not only agreed to post, but has been extremely helpful in coming up with this series.

She writes at following pages.
why Paisley
Just Paisley
The ink pot.
Fragmented Paisley
secret…secret…i’ve got a secret…. .

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The first human instinct, the only primal instinct that i can identify… is self gratification….

we are born knowing nothing other than comfort and discomfort… in order to turn discomfort into comfort,, we cry,, signifying our displeasure…prompting our caretaker to fill the need by probing thru the small array of needs we may have in infancy… food, warmth, dryness, physical comfort or closeness……..this is the means we have of getting what we want for ourselves,, even though we are unable physically to fulfill the desire….

as we progress thru our young life,,, we gain skills that allow us to obtain those basic needs independently. we are no longer dependent on an other human to hold the bottle or change our diaper or give us a bath… we can become quite proficient at doing whatever has to be done to provide ourselves with what we need…. we crawl.. then we walk then we speak .. we are learning even at that young age how to get what we want for ourselves.. for many early childhood is where they learn the usefulness of lies and deception, begging and intimidation… all in the pursuit of what they want…

and then somewhere around this point in which puberty sets in.. later surely for others… but we become aware that not only do we have need for the things we used to deem all encompassing… but we have feelings.. something growing inside of you.. making things that never really held all of that much appeal… somehow… become very inviting….as it happens.. what we need has been accentuated by such things as wants and desires, urges, raging hormones and blooming sexuality…

where once we were just becoming proficient at getting what we wanted by ourselves,, for ourselves,, suddenly there comes a facet of life for which we really were not prepared…as certainly we had no real clue that it was to overtake us with the driving force it did…

it is at this precise moment, in the maturation of a human body,, that society, religion, culture, family and the like choose to shut down on you and advise you the only right thing to do is to ignore those inborn, human instincts, and from this moment in your life,, desiring self gratification,, becomes tainted,, evil,, something you should not pursue.. we are taught it is improper to have those urges, to deny that you are having those feelings,, to squelch the natural progression toward sexuality…

this is also the very time,, where the inklings of lying, deception, begging, intimidation, often become something greater.. something more studiously arraigned, more controlling, even more violent… i believe that this is in direct correlation with the addiction that humans have to repress the body’s natural progression.. forcing the repression of the desires of the body,, is a great stumbling block,, and in its own way has become a real drain on society as a whole….

i believe that it is here, at this juncture,, that the interplay between the mind and the body and the spirit is to become an active part of everything that you are to become….

it is my belief that it is here,, that our civilized society fails us….

now.. my insights on this are merely that… my insights. hindsight’s even in some cases.. and they are to be taken as that… and nothing more…

i believe in following the natural progression of life….seeking out which gives you the greatest joy,, “following your heart”,, and if need be doing anything within your power to attain it.. when you are young. and strong and vibrant.. for some of us this is education,, for some of us this is music,, for some of us it is earning money,, but for all of us… the most important thing in your young world will be … someone to love….

do not confuse this with someone to marry.. as that is not what i am talking about… i am talking about someone to love you,, and hold you,, and kiss you,, and talk to you,, and make love to you,, and explore sexuality with you,, someone whose hand you can hold as you venture into this whole evolution that is growing up…

i believe that who ever or whatever it is that has instructed man and woman kind to withhold the pleasures of the body while they are young and they are full of desire and passion and raging hormones ….. was a fool….

i am sorry .. but this is my absolute belief…

i became sexually active at a young age,, but at the time,, it was a dirty thing.. to be hidden,, to be lied about,, to be covered over, at all expense… there were many pregnancies,, unnecessarily,, as the parents in that day and age had made it a dirty thing,, something only sluts and bad boys engaged in… they had exerted their parental form of control over their offspring… and surely their beloved son or daughter would never be one of “those”…. and of course to supply their child with birth control and the intelligence to actually put it into play,, was like giving them a license to have sex…..

i believe that if young adults,, of sufficient age,, who desire sex with members of their own peer group were encouraged to explore their sexuality.. to continue on the most natural road to self gratification,, to become familiar with their own needs,, desires,, likes,, dislikes,, in the area of sex… if they were provided with the right information and accoutrements to perform safe sex.. with dignity,, and respect and love and intervention when asked for,, by loving caring family who was open and understanding and there to guide them thru this difficult transition into manhood,, womanhood what have you…

yes i believe that we would see a vast difference in the sexual climate of the society that adopted those beliefs… if sex wasn’t bad or dirty or repressed.. what would it be instead???

if it wasn’t held back and guarded and used as a threat would there be need to take it violently,, to use it as a form of punishment or control???

if people were able to choose marriage partners that suited them sexually… and they were genuinely attracted to.. and if they had the acceptance and the freedom to experience multiple sexual partners, live in relationships,, trial periods of life together before they were forced to marry.. till death do us part…. how many marriages would be saved… how many more people would grow into old age in happiness and fulfillment,, instead of in spite of all the years they spent in a loveless marriage???

how many couples would co exist in peace and harmony,, if they did not hold the others sexual being against them??? if fidelity was not a two edged sword .. if we were free to give and receive love, without fear of retribution???

i believe with all my heart that the time to explore and find ones sexuality,, is when you are young.. to follow the course that nature has set before you.. to allow your body to coexist in peace and harmony with your mind and heart…

and later.. when your sense of direction turns more to settling down.. when the annuls of time have their way with you and you decide you want more security,, a home,, a family,, one partner,, then do so … because that is what your body your mind and your soul is telling you to do…

not because traditions have it,, not because the bible says so.. not because your parents cannot bare the fact that you are becoming a mature sexual human being,, thus signifying their ascent into the middle ages… not because of anything… I believe we should accept that very first very primal instinct,, the one that in fact you came to this earth with,, the one that has lead you to this point,, the only voice you have ever seen fit to follow… self gratification…. should in fact be the voice that speaks the loudest,, and the only voice you hear…

that is what i believe…..