Virtual Ramblings

After an unexpected and fun evening with S on Thursday, Friday turned out to be another unusual evening too. Many of you guys know that I don’t smoke, but then this is what I did on friday evening

My friend set up a hookah at home, being a non smoker had never tried one, and it turned out to be fun. As I do not like the tobacco smell, we filled it up with strawberry flavored non nicotine stuff, all in all an unusual experience and a fun filled one.

Meanwhile its been a long time since I posted something over at pure pursuits, so here it goes
I call it “Amateur thoughts“

After a long time met up with S at a cafe with her husband N yesterday, it had been almost close to 5 months since I met her, after couple of hours of chat and a Cappuccino and espresso later, it feels good to realize we still have the old connection intact. I was a little apprehensive first, and so was she I guess. But like old times, it was fun, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

As a kid when I passed by an icecream shop I was drawn to it, I wanted one cone, I never felt bad that I wanted something, I have never dismissed my wants, I have always wanted them passionately, and I have never dismissed my passion, infact I have been proud of my passion for things. But passion can easily grow into envy and then to jealousy. Traditionally both envy and jealousy have been termed bad, people are told be beware of those to feelings, and told to guard themselves away from them.

Theoretically I agree that jealousy is an extreme feeling, and generally harm people who get into it. But isn’t jealousy a very common emotion?, just like you feel happy/sad/angry naturally, you also feel jealous too isn’t it?. If you guys have much self control over emotions that you have never envied anything/anyone than may be I am a very less of a human being. I do envy things, I do envy people, and sometimes I do feel jealous.

As a man in his quarter life, I am on the look our for many things, yep I finally have broken out from the quarter life crisis, not knowing what I want, suddenly things I want seem to be falling into place. I am no saint, I have materialistic things on my list to work for, and also non materialistic things. So now that I know what I want, I am working towards them, some with immediate actions, some with a plan, and some just waiting to have in future. These things amazingly prioritize themselves too, I mean some I seem to want a lot more, and hoping that they happen somehow, and most of them fall into the last category, I mean my wants for the future, which directly I may not have control over, and some which I can do my efforts and have no control on the outcome. Some are really materialistic, and I am surprised I want to have them because there was a time I loathed people who went after them

Over last few months, one of such wants is making me envious. I do not have the word power to express what is it that’s making me envy some, infact every time I get the feeling I am feeling a little bit of envy, I am unknowingly getting disgusted at myself, and driving me out of the scene, making sure I don’t get to listen/view or discuss the matter, and the sad part is that people involved, even though they do not know about it, secretly I have a fear that I may begin to dislike them, like the way its illustrated in all possible media, the rift formed by envy/jealousy. I fear what If I get into that groove.

Jealousy is always considered to be self centric, a selfish act which helps no one, but if you do not think about the extremes, it does help people to work with a better zeal towards the goal, when I grew envious of the kid who used to top the class always, I struggled for 3 full years to topple her at the top. It has not always been bad to me, and I know that, but then why do I fear now?, why am I afraid of my envy?.

When the thought of writing something on my jealousy came up first thing I did was to look up at wikipedia. And I was surprised at their definition and also their distinction between envy and jealousy
Jealousy : “Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival”
Envy:“Envy may be defined as an emotion that “occurs when a person lacks another’s superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it.”
“Jealousy concerns something one has and is afraid of losing, while envy concerns something one does not have and either he wants to acquire (nonmalicious envy) or he wants the other(s) not to have (malicious envy)”

After going through this I realize, I have never used the word properly, may be going by this definition I am not jealous, I may be lot more envious.

As usual I am left with a lot of questions at the end.
Is a feeling of envy/jealous normal?,

Is it normal if you end up feeling a little envious about things you want badly for you?,

Does it always indicate desperation?,

Does one need to panic when he feels he is feeling a little envy,?

How does one get himself out of it?, is avoiding a good solution for it, if at all this is a problem?,

Do you feel envy/jealous at times?.

We get used to our own thoughts, beliefs and sensibilities, you speak to people who think very much like you, people who perceive the same sensibilities and believe the same beliefs and then you tend to believe that world is like you, and all us are similar. Once in a while its good to be reminded that world is full of variety and each of us think so differently.

Today I was reminded that how easily one can be the odd man out, how one can be perceived “desperate” or “mad” by people. For a moment I was very angry, in fact a part of me is still angry, but then the more calmer side in me won today, easily I could have argued or had a verbal argument with a couple of people, but then I was in no mood to fight today, and also at that moment for some strange reason I thought they would never understand, even If I argue all day, all I am doing is proving myself to be more “mad” in front of them.

It all started with a discussion about cheerleading which is kind of new to India. The new IPL [Indian Premier League] has brought in the concept of cheerleading to India and Indian cricket. Vijay Mallya who was in charge of the opening ceremony brought in Washington RedSkins for the opening ceremony, which did not go well with many Indians, especially couple of people who travel with me. According to them, instead of giving so much money to them, they could have invited some talents within Karnataka, and they really did not get what a cheer leading team actually does. I was of the opinion that, I totally support that some talents within Karnataka should be given a chance, but what I did not agree was the use of word “instead”.

Today on the way back, somehow the topic of belly dancing came up, I was saying that many people are taking up this form of dancing for fun, and while speaking on that, It just came out that I suggested my cousin’s wife to take up belly dancing for fun. The  usual clichéd arguments came out, and I was saying there is nothing wrong with the belly dancing, and even though I did not use the exact words, what  I wanted to say was its not some kind of erotica or cheap vulgar dance form as it is made out to be. I was greeted with a interpretations of turning into a desperate person, and one jokingly made a comment of saying “mad” person, I did not take it as a joke, I was furious at that person.

That’s when I realized how different our sensibilities are, may be he is right in many eyes, and I am right in some eyes, but the divide is huge. I don’t even want to think about who was right who was wrong. I felt I must be appearing the same way to them, as they appear to me,  as someone who has absolutely no sense, may be its difference in ideologies, or may be just the way we think.

I always believed that one cannot jump a traffic signal unknowingly in Bangalore, I mean there is such high traffic, and people from the other directions always all set to jump in, there is no way you can jump a signal without realizing it.
I admit I am a very lazy person, I hate to go out during weekends, specially if it involves driving mainly because of the bad traffic in Bangalore and also my extreme laziness when it comes to dealing with two wheelers. This Sunday was different, I had It planned, I was to wake up by around 8am, have breakfast by 10, catch an episode of a game show which I missed on Friday night and wanted to see how good a singer has developed, and free myself by 11:30. I wanted to get to a second hand book store at the heart of the city to buy some books for me. I had finished my last unread book at home, “Lolita” by Nabokov, and had a list of books to buy.
So as per the plan, I left home at 11:30am as per the plan, and enter the J C road, this is one street which I have never seen empty, but today it was deserted, at least by Bangalore standards, I went past swiftly and took a right turn, and bang I was caught by a policemen. I slow down and park towards the road side and take off my helmet, and a nice looking policemen stares at me for a second or two. I begin to wonder, what wrong have I done, is this some kind of a routine check?, if yes I am in a big soup, as my bike’s insurance had expired and was pretty much hoping I had broken some rule so that he just fines for that. Looking at a puzzled me, he point me to a white colored car and asks me, did you just follow the car?. I nod my head, and he tells me, “sir neevu traffic signal node illa, avranna follow mad bittirdira”. [You have just followed the car, you have not seen the signal at all]. I was very shameful and he could make out that I had not realized till he told me, he asked me not to do again, put a fine of 400Rs for jumping signal and rash driving [his version of saying be careful when you enter highly crowded places] and off I went. My first driving ticket ever.

In a way very symbolic of type of person I am, most of the times a follower, always a reluctant leader.
Anyways the main fun was to follow, I had a list full of books I wanted to buy at this second hand book store, and was pretty satisfied with the help I got there, the lad there just took the list of my hand, and within minutes he had the stack ready.

So here is the list of books I bought on Sunday.

Memory of My Melancholy whores. Gabriel Garcia Marquez courtesy
I have never read him before, this will be my first book of his. Book courtesy shelf of my blogger friends Shreyasi Deb and Dream Catcher

I came across a passage written by Mrs Sudha Murthy in a mail that was forwarded to me by someone, I always have liked people who had a middle class feel to their writing, more of what I can relate to, so here’s another first book on my shelf
“How I taught my grand mother to read and other stories” by Sudha Murthy

Sometimes when I am bored I resort to some dry wit, and so just wanted to try some humor book, so here I have “Sein Language” by Jerry Seinfeld, Yep the same sitcom comedian.

Its really surprising that I haven’t read many of Indian authors, so I caught hold of Anita Nair’s LADIES coupe, I am not sure why I picked this up, its more of a feminine book I suppose, but to be frank the cover picture kind of attracted me a lot, so went by the old saying, judge the book by its cover. [well I think I got this totally wrong, I think it was not to judge ]. Suggested by Idea Smithy

Last but not the least my tryst with a new genre, “My name is Red” by Orphan Pamuk..no clue regarding what to expect. Suggested by Dream catcher

Let me start by saying, I get embarrassed very quickly. I have had numerable instances where I have been embarrassed because of people around me. I think main reason for this is the high standards I set for myself, and how strongly opinionated I am about things. When you believe in something very passionately, you kind of feel violated when someone behaves totally opposite to what you believe in.

You guys do know how much I am particular about time. When I invite someone out, or when I have planned a meeting or so, and the person is late, I get furious, but still I kind of leave some margin of tolerance mainly because its me who invited them, may be they did not anticipate an unexpected event. But when somebody else invites me, and they are late, my blood pressure generally hits double century. How can one be late for an event planned by themselves. It happened on Monday night, I was invited for a dinner outside and was asked to be ready by 8:30PM, I kind of thought its too late, well I do prefer to be at home by 10PM,  anyways I got ready by 8:20 and was waiting, I did not even get a call till 8:50, and I was told they will be there in another 5 minutes, and even after that they took fifteen minutes to come home, so its was already 9:05. Now I had lost the little mood I had to go have dinner, but because of the earlier commitment I got my lazy ass into the car.

Now let me tell you with whom I was going out. I was supposed to go out with a  couple of cousins, when I say couple I mean literally “couple”, my cousin and his wife. I am close to both of them, so she has automatically turned into my cousin. Anyways I generally avoid going to hep places, places which has young and modern crowd when I am with my family. I hate to use the term “modern”, but then that’s what my family does to me, I mean any tight jean clad lady, with a drink in hand is ultra modern to my family. So I avoid going to hep places mainly because, I don’t like to listen to some comments about the crowd which I am sure would disturb me, and make me feel out of place, and embarrassed. My cousin wanted to have something Italian, and as It was already late, only place I could think off was Casa Picola which has opened recently very near to my house. Its not that hep a place, so I thought this would be safe. When I got into the car, I had a surprise, there was one more relative of ours in the car, he is almost my cousin’s age, so he had been pulled along. We had not gone out as a group much, so did not know what to expect from him.

We arrived at  the place, and it turned out be a lounge bar attached to the Italian place. I really liked the place, totally my kind of ambiance, pale colors, very few people around, very comfortable sofa’s and even bean bags around, we chose to be seated on the terrace as the interior place was very hot. As we reached the terrace, I saw that the crowd was very young, a little dimly lit [which I don’t like], and almost all of them looked like pretty cool and minding their own business types. I was happy to see that, even with many people around it was quiet and all in all I was very happy to discover the place.

We got seated, me and the other guy at one side of the table, and my cousin and his wife on the other side. From where we were sitting I could see a couple of women, [not sure may be girls ] sitting across the table, the girl kind of looked good, and I was back into my discussion about who is going to drink what. That’s when the guy began, he had a problem with the girl smoking, he was cribbing that she hasn’t kept down the pack ever since we entered, and how can she do that. Mind you he was a smoker as well, he had the cigarette almost all the time we were there, and still he complains, and the worst part was he kept staring at the two women. I did see her a little annoyed with him staring at her, and once in a while the other two turning back and watching them. I was so embarrassed, I wanted to walk upto them and apologize, If only I had better socializing skills.

Anyways then it came to ordering stuff, now that all three of them were having fosters, and me with  my new found sober year for 2008 had ordered a mocktail. We were supposed to order some appetizers, and I picked out few and decided what we may want to order, and when the waiter came to take the order, I told him what we want, and when the waiter was just about to go, this guys screams at him “Hello!”…”do you have any egg item, something like a egg burgee or a egg omelet”, almost every one at the less crowded places turned towards us, I just wanted to get up and run away.

He continues to stare at the two girls, and couple of other pretty girls who had by now come into the restaurant. How can a married guy stare so much?, just because his wife is not around does it mean, go and visually abuse any girl around?, and that too when we have a girl in our group as well.

Anyways, its time to order main course, and by now I just wanted it to get over as soon as possible, so I ask them well in advance, since most of the Italian stuff is bland, what they want to eat, do they want the spicy one, or they want to try the authentic blander versions. And they all agree to go for the blander one, I knew they are not gonna like it, so I suggest some not so bland ones, and for myself I order a dish named “epinard al a crème”, it’s a potato and spinach baked dish. When the dish comes onto the table, they are more intrigued by what I have ordered, and want to grab a bite, which I oblige easily. Worst part was to follow, after just 2 bottles of beer, this guy begins to burp as loudly as a loud speaker, and every 5 minutes, I don’t know how much gas he had in him, he eats a spoon and burps out a big on ‘brrrrrrrroh”, and I am furious at his ill manners, how can you burp so loudly in a restaurant like this, atleast you are supposed to keep the sound down, but no, it appeared as if he wanted everyone to know the strength in his vocal chords.

I was waiting for the check to arrive, so that we can pay and leave. I can’t remember any other time I have been embarrassed this much. I wish those two girls should have walked up to our table, and given us a mouthful.

What do you do when a friend of your’s comes back from a vacation, I mean what questions do you ask them, sounds pretty silly right..but just think over…

Now imagine that your friend has come back from his/her honeymoon, now the same questions give totally different meaning…
don’t believe me? just look at these questions..

How was it?

Did you have fun?

What all did you see?

Can I see the photographs?

Was it too tiring?

Did you fall ill during the vacation?

How did you spend your evenings?

Did you get things to eat?

Was 1 week too short for it?

Do you think I will like it?

What do you recommend?

hehheh…shouldn’t we think twice before asking the pleasantries the next time around
Any question I could think off gave a wrong sense in that situation..

Before you guys run away, let me clarify that I am not asking for donation to keep my website up, and am sure I would not get a single rupee from anybody, not even from myself :).

You guys must have seen that I do not have a blogroll up on my blog, not that I do not read blogs regularly, I definitely do, and many of you guys who get stalked by me would have known this easily. Just the sheer number of links, makes it almost impossible to put up the links over here. But now I have turned greedy, I want to read more, and explore more kind of bloggers.

So guys please donate, donate links. Any blog you read regularly/occasionally and you think I would enjoy reading, please do let me know about the blogs. You can leave the links in the comments section. I have found wonderful bloggers all around the world with great perspectives and attitudes, providing us with insights into so many things in life. I want to read more, and understand more. So guys please help me.

I look at you,

With a sense of Déjà vu.

I have lived this feeling before.

And, I have tried to stop myself before,

It’s the same sweet confusion,

Every time I see you.

I look at you,

With a sense of Déjà vu.

I avoid looking in the eye,

I talk to a friend nearby,

It’s the same act I put on,

Every time I pass by you.

I look at you,

With a sense of Déjà vu.

I’m not so innocent after all,

Desperate to steal a peek or two,

Sharp that you are,

Every time catching me amidst my silly act.

I look at you,

With a sense of Déjà vu.

You’re not so innocent either,

Those lovely eyes speaking the “silence”,

And that shy chuckle of yours,

Almost, making me, forget my next step.

I look at you,

With a sense of Déjà vu.

Couple of seconds and hush you are gone

And me too, back into my lifeless world,

But with a hope for the same strange feeling,

For the times in future, when I get to walk past you.

I continue to look at you,

With a sense of Déjà vu.

————————————————————————————

The topic over at writer’s island is “Deja Vu”, Here is a semi fiction which I thought about the topic.

Topic of yesterday’s post lunch walk, was recession. Looks like all we can think of at work these days is how recession is going to affect us and India in general.

Bangalore is known as the IT capital of India, when we were in school there was nothing like IT industry, but this IT industry kind of started only in early 90’s and picked up by mid 90’s and was at peak in late 90’s. People in my parent’s generation, were very keen on getting into a government job, a 9 to 5 permanent source of income, then came the intermediate generation of 80’s where people really had no clue what to do, with no government jobs to take and not much happening in private sector. That followed with IT, drawing people from far parts of India to Bangalore. One thing this did was, the land values sky rocketed, the service industry which was never heard before, like office cleaners, consultants, HR firms providing profiles for jobs, caterers for ever increasing population, the hotel industry ranging from the road side vendors to 5/7 star restaurants, every one started making money. Banking sector also saw a boom, from a conservative India, where people thought saving is the ultimate aim, it drifted away and people began to live on credit, taking huge home loans, vehicle and personal loans, hence banking sector too made a lot of money, employing more people with a high pay packet.

Then came in the BPO, the call center brought in even more moolah, with the youth being pulled into the tech support arena. It became a good source of income to non engineers with a good degree, providing decent to very good pay packets. More money for the youth, meant more money being spent for recreation, movies, restaurants, pubs, coffee places, you name it people started spending more money. Flow of money revolutionized the market, the textile industry, lifestyle stores, even the retail grocery market started making huge profits, and started employing even more people, making the money flow even better.

The economy now seems to be more based on the cash flow, I mean no one seems to be saving too much, people seem to be investing more and more, and spending more and more. So the Indian economy is more or less changing fast into the US economy model. But what would really happen if the incoming money stops, what if IT does really slow down, and many people get back to conservative money saving mode? How badly will the economy be affected. Can the economy still survive with the money that has already flown in?. Can it continue to flow around keeping all of us in a good state?

I was of the opinion that no, we are going to see huge troubles if the IT generated income stops. I feel the chain will get broken and hence all other sectors might get affected. The business might slow down, and hence other businesses might get affected too, the real estate values might come down, and since many people already have huge loans, the banking sector is also going to see losses, service industry is going to get affected, and almost every one is going to see a dip.

My friend felt no, its not going to affect that much, according to him, the IT industry is still a very small part of Indian economy, and we have enough businesses to keep up the economy. Cities like Bangalore and Noida might get affected, because of the high technology population, but then rest of India is going to survive.

I do not think so, look at travel industry, I mean domestic airlines might see a dip, even the middle men in many areas might have to find a different job.

All this leaves me with just one question, what next, whats going to be the next big industry which is going to take the place of the IT world. Ideas anyone?