Virtual Ramblings

Seeming ruthless,
Looking ferocious
Blinding the survivors,
Biting into the orange twilight,
A beastly, new moon night,
Slowly engulfed a beautiful dusk.

He didn’t live his twilight.
But ferocious ‘it” was,
It never listened.
What remained were just ‘his’ traces,
And a satisfied beast.

Left him breathing,
Killed his life.
Scar-less body survived the massacre.

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The topic this week at writer’s island is “ferocious“.

Also the other prompt this week is identity, I had written some on the same subject before, thought of providing the link, guys please do check them out

“He is all That”

“Identity“

fueled by her smiles,
I take the flight of laughter,
to joyous future.
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The prompt this week over at writer’s island is flight, I thought of this haiku, its been quite a while since I attempted a haiku, hope it does put across what I wanted to convey.

Thinking Aloud who writes at Aalochane has tagged me with a meme, which is about recollecting thoughts from the past, Trying to recollect the posts you have written and reliving some of the thoughts related to family, friendship, yourself, and your love.

I think I had seen this meme on one of the blogs before, and I had liked it instantly, mainly because its more about reliving those moments when you wrote those posts. So for a change I chose to do the meme on the same day as I am tagged :).

For the readers, here are the rules
“Post links to 5 of your previously written posts. The posts have to relate to the 5 key words given : family, friend, yourself, your love, anything you like. Tag 5 other friends to do this meme. Try to tag at least 2 new acquaintances so that you get to know them each a little bit better.“

Here they go …

Family.. I think one of the things which should be and will be in all of our minds is family, actually I was searching through my older posts, and I never thought I would not find posts related to family in there.
I remember this post which I had written about parenting, I am not a parent, but it doesn’t stop us thinking like one, does it?, heres “parenting blues from a non parent.“.
There are times when I totally feel a disconnect from my family, and its followed by a realization and getting back into the family groove, one of those times over here at “family lost and found“.

Friends…
I have had very less number of friends over years, but the ones I have, have been really close.
There have been times when I have wondered where it all starts, like here “lets talk about beginnings“.
There have been times when I have wondered about how friendships have been under confusions over years when gender is involved, “friendship talkies.
“
Yourself…
Looks like all posts I write, somehow relate to this topic in a way or other :). I wish I could put all the links here..
I have some real strong attachment to this thought, mainly because this is the first time I wanted to write something. This is the first time I documented the thought that was going through me. Here it is “Inspired by the 2 way“
I have written for prompts over time, and one of the posts which I really liked was about writing letters, I think this was something which I felt for “Times when I wanted to write a letter“
I have never shied from admitting I tend to be over sensitive, and there were times when I have thought more about the topic like here “I am talking sensitivity today”

Your love..
I am really apprehensive when it comes to this topic, mainly because I feel my brand of romance or love is something not the typical types, or may be not even something that can be considered as love.
I once spoke about the music of silence between people here at “Silent strings“.
There have been times when I have been expressive, about how I see ‘her’, what I want ‘her’ to be like, for example here at “she“.
My ideas of sharing romance with a partner was once upon a time expressed over here at “bed share story“.

Somehow did not find the 5th topic on TA’s blog, so went ahead and chose something which always finds mention on my blog.
Relationships…
I once wrote about equations, and I was really impressed with the title I chose..”x2 + y2 = z2“

I am supposed to tag 5 people, but I am really bad at this, so I think I am gonna bail out on this one :).

The topic over at skittles today is “Love”, looks like valentines day fever is on the air. As I vesaid recently romance makes me go blank, and I was almost sure that I would not participate in the Heads or Tails this week, until an article in Times of India on Monday caught my eye. It was all about how people have moved onto the net as the medium to find dates, and how people are exploring social networking websites to find people with similar interests, and prospective partners. Apparently there have been many a people who have had a relationship over the internet for years together, where they started chatting over day to day things, and then moved onto deeper discussions, discussions regarding personal, finally emotional discussions before meeting in person, and then the relationships built on.

I really had avoided this topic for long, because I felt this was a misconception, I do not think one can give so much importance to people one meet online, leave alone building relationships.

I remember when chatting on yahoo chat rooms became very popular when I was back in college, even though I didn’t have internet at home, I occasionally went to a cyber center to “browse”, I really had no clue what to browse for, it looks so naive now, I used to check my emails, which always used to be empty, then I used to read some filmy news online, and in early surfing days, a little of porn until the curiosity died down. All I could see around were people chatting, I had no clue what they chatted about, I did try logging into the yahoo chat rooms, all I could see were some useless sexually aggressive messages, which I later discovered were “bots”.

The latest craze among many people are social networking websites like orkut and myspace, traditionally I have been known to discard technologies or anything which is a social rage. Even though I created an account in orkut out of curiosity. It took a long time to understand what that could be used for, by that time I had no interest in it. Anyways, when I first saw that people were using this to freely send messages to unknown people, asking if they wanted to meet up, or wanted to talk over the phone, My first impression was, what girl would agree to meet someone from online, I am sure it will be just some desperate perverts trying to catch a girl. I read an article few months back, saying how some female profiles on the orkut website had openly talked about their preferences, and their openness to meet like minded individuals. Call me a Hypocrite, its only then I thought, one really considered these seriously. Not that when men put out these open invitations, all of them would have been bad, unfortunately the past track records in society spoilt my thinking. I did try to check out some profiles to see if it was really true, I did not find any though. I have come across many blogs which mention instances about their friends meeting people from the internet, or having a deep relationship with the person they met from the net. It really surprises me that more and more people, whom I thought would be skeptical trying this sort of a thing or getting more courageous in trying out something like this.

I have to admit blog-land is the only place on the internet where I have spent so much of my quality time, not just writing but also reading people who have so much to say, some who have very similar views as me, some totally different views but have been an eye opener of sorts to me. I have developed huge respect and admiration towards so many bloggers, but will it translate to a real life relation?.. I am not sure. Relationship may not be of romantic nature mind you, or may not necessarily begin with such an intent, may be an acquaintance or a friendship. I still continue to try for total anonymity unless it comes down to people whom I accidentally expose my identity or a case where In I am absolutely sure that there Is no way the person can make use of my identity. So what is that fear that is stopping me?. Any clues anyone?

Still I am not able to convince myself, that something close to a real life acquaintance is possible over the internet. I know I mentioned recently that I might want to meet some of my fellow bloggers, but at the same time I am still not so sure if I should do so.

Do you think you can meet your partner or that matter a good friend online?.

It was an empty road, no one was in sight, strangely even the ever obedient shadow seemed to have deserted her. The fourth drink she had gulped was taking effect on her slowly, the legs had begun to a shake a little, and the steps had began, to kind of, weary a little. The night looked fully dark, may be it was a no moon day, she did not care, just couple of months back, she would have got frightened. The darkness, the prospects of a group of junkies around the corner who could totally take advantage of a drunk damsel, with no one in sight for miles, anything could have happened. She walked undisturbed, as though she absolutely had no fear.

As she walked a couple of steps, the faint light coming out of a barn nearby hit part of her body, the high pointed heals she wore was almost visible, along with it the dripping oily stuff onto the road, a closer look revealed it was indeed dropping from the piece of glass stuck to her calf and was not oil by any means. She must have been really careless after the first few drinks. It can make anyone wonder, “isn’t she feeling the pain?”. The glass was still stuck in there. The reality was, it was not the glass, nor even her state in the middle of the night, with every step she took, the blows which she took on her body, on herself, was paining her more.

The drink that she had was really not helping her, it was supposed to deafen her, she really didn’t want to hear the inner voices, the shouts from her memory had plagued her too much, she really needed a break, but the drink had absolutely no effect when it came to the disturbing accusations made against her. Nope it was not society, she really wouldn’t have cared if it were people,  it was him, her “own” him.

She was not sure if she was right in choosing this road, was she right in deciding to not put up with the pain, was she right in disowning the own, or disowning something which may have never been hers anytime. Was she on the right road, she must have asked herself million times by now, and every time she just got one answer, memories, the bad ones, the real bad ones.

Sometimes when man does not know the answer, the hero up there has a special way to send them answers, as she walked to the edge of the street, beginning on the steep climb uphill, the first rays of the raising sun fell gracefully onto the street.

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This week was over at skittles for Heads or Tails, the prompt is “road”, I had never attempted a short story, so here it goes my attempt at a short fiction titled “On the road”

It had been almost three months after he relocated, for the first time in his life he was staying alone. He had a big apartment to himself and a mid sized car at his disposal. Being lonely was not new to him, but staying alone was. He had decided its time now to explore, explore the new city, what if there is no company, he would find one if he just goes out, tries his luck.

Poor “him”, being new to the city and the country meant that, he was new to the dress code too, he could be easily spotted as an outsider amidst any crowd, accent, color and attitude all different from the crowd, but still with aspiration to become one with the crowd he set out.

He opened his laptop, and decided to search for a club near by. He was allergic to smoking, so preferably he wanted a no smoking club, now that would have been really tough one to find, instead he decided to find some not so popular clubs, so at least the crowd would be less and so the smoke too, thats what he expected. Being a new driver he didn’t want to go to a club long distance away, and he was in no mood to go to the nudie club either.

After a few searches on google, TADA…. he had found it. It was just about 4 streets away from his place, and had no reviews, he decided to try this place instead of getting bored alone at home.
So he puts on a nice T shirt, and a jeans, his normal attire, takes his car keys out and sets out. He gets to the right intersection and pulls the car into the complex, and tries to look for the club, the intersection being huge almost like 5 blocks, he decides to drive around trying to follow the boards leading to the club, after about 10 minutes of trying to find the club amidst totally deserted place around 10, he decided to give up and turns to start back, he finally sees a board with bright lights around, he decides this must be it, and parks his car, and moves towards the light.

As he nears the club, he finds out thats not the club he was looking for, but for a man who really does not care about the club he was trying to find, the one that he has in front of him also looked like a good proposition. Only problem though, the club was almost empty, and has a name in a language he doesn’t understand, and people with guns standing in front of it. As he stood there confused whether to go in or go back, the gunman spots him and tries to find out if he is looking for something. He lies, that he is waiting for someone who is supposed to meet him there, by this time the owner of the club walks by in his wheelchair and tries to find out whats happening, after hearing both of them, owner offers him advice to enter the club, as its free right now, and later he needs to pay a cover charge of 10$, with nothing to do at home, he decides to enter the club.

On the way in, a lady greets him, she is a little scantily clad, and has a south American glow on her face, very attractive. He is confused, worried and a little afraid of what is in store for him, she takes his hand and stamps a tattoo on his forehands, thats supposed to be an indication that he need not pay anything if he re enters the club. He enters the club to find almost empty performance hall, with a bar to one side, empty dance floor, and a band trying to prepare for a gig, he chooses a table far from the bar and the dance floor and tries to make himself comfortable.

Couple of minutes and a waitress comes towards him, those days he had stopped drinking, as there was no designated driver to take him back. She comes towards him and says
“X@#% %%^&^ !@^%&* “
Well thats what he understands, as she begins to speak in Spanish, and he has no clue, he tries to explain her that he knows only English, and he was from India and not Mexico, she finally understands him and gets him a pepsi to drink.

All the time, he is just hoping the band will begin the music, and the time will fly, and after about adjusting the strings for eternity the band begins to play, and yes its amazing music, but all in Spanish. God, he wished, only If I could have subtitles. no luck, he didn’t even find a translator, not even anyone willing to come sit with him, determined to stay, he begins to listen to song carefully, and his foot starts tapping to the music. A new song and a couple enter the dance floor, salsa looked great along with the music, and the waitress almost without his knowledge refills couple of times. Within a minute he looses two hours, listening to Spanish cries, smelling chimichanga, oogling at salsa, and loving the music.

When the time came to get back, he left with a smile, love for the music, almost great time. He never went back there though, his stamped tattoo also went away after a wash, but after almost two years as he types this post, the memories of Latino club in Chandler, [AZ] is almost as fresh as the music he heard that night.

One regret though, he cannot remember the name.

A third eye’s angle to any subject can be totally subjective, and away from truth. I may consider myself a third eye in the story I am going to tell, but somehow I am confident that there is a lot of truth in this story. Well I did tell that I tend to over imagine and over assume stuff. [I am sounding like I make up stuff? ;)].

Before I introduce the characters, let me give a brief outline of why relocation. Software industry has been good and bad for many people, its given us money to spend, and places to travel. At the same time all this has happened at the cost of another employee way in the west or in some other country. I really dont want to start the debate as to, if outsourcing is good or bad. I just want to bring in a picture of How relocation can have long lasting effects.

This is a story of Indian couple, who used to work for a big company in the west, both used to work for the same employer. During the slowdown about 5 years back, they were one of the unfortunate few who had to be layed off, now both earning people losing job can be really painful for the family. As the job market was not good around that time, they decided to relocate to India.

Now, Let me introduce the characters.

Dad1 - Around 40-45 years aged, works for a MNC in Bangalore, has to travel alot because of his job, all short visits to an eastern country, spread across the year.

Mom1 - House wife, has finally come to settlement to Bangalore way of living, with relatives and cooking pushed into her routine.

Son1 - Started school, new set of friends, weird accent, but yes it has totally become Indian now.

Daughter1- Was too small to understand the relocation, now she begins to understand what it was before for her brother and her parents.

Dad2 - Friend of Dad1, still working for a company in the west, he himself having a son and a daughter, Dad2’s wife is a close friend of Mom1, and kids are friends too.

Son2- Son of Dad2, second time visit to India, very young in terms of age, a big accent and of course unaccustomed to Indian stuff.

So the story I am going to tell, is what happened when these people met. The story is going to be my perception of their perspectives. Or after I observed each of them keenly, this is what I felt must be going on in their minds.

Daughter1’s perspective: I think she was really surprised at first to meet a little oddly accented friend of her dads, He seemed to know her from a age, where she herself does not. When she was told the stories, of things that were done with her, with the whole family, I think she might have started to wonder what she was like before. Was she more happy when she was in the west?, who are these people what the dad2 is talking about?, do they really know her so well?, is it true that they had had so much of fun?. I think she would want to go and check it out herself at least once, just to relate to the tales that are being told. Atleast her brother can remember the life they had had. A little cheated, a little jealous, lot more dreamy about things she has left behind without any memories.

Son1’s perspective: He is delighted initially to meet son2. they have been friends for some time, they do occasionally speak to each other over phone, but they seeing someone live is something totally different. At first Son1 was very silent, I think he was trying to relate to what Son2 was talking about, The games they played before, the movies Son2 was referring to, the pass time activities Son2 was referring to, all seem to have been a thing of the past for Son1, slowly son1 started remembering and relating to what Son2 was talking about. Was Son1 developing inferiority complex?, I don’t think so, he was too young to think about these things, The time where they shared their homework assignments, shared common school and common teachers had totally changed. Son1’s accent has totally changed to an Indian one. At the end of an hour or so all three kids were back to old days, playing their heart out. Fun to watch mind you.

Mom1’s Perspective: What few years can do, I could see the maximum effect on the mom1. From a highly paid software engineer in a western company to a housewife, the change seems to be huge. Though she had adjusted to Indian lifestyle, its kind of hard to undo years of high quality life one has led in the west. Knowing all her friends are still enjoying the same things, which they used to collectively. I have seen few people always take long time forget the group, and never tend to become a part of a new one easily. Mom1 was very much of that type. It was very evident in the nostalgia she was going through. India, especially south India can be really conservative, and stop people from doing many things, for a person who once broke her leg in her Taekwondo class, which she started after her second kid was born, the activities she does now might be totally opposite to what she used to. When she is told, she is missed in parties, the kiddies group is missing her two kids, and the house which once was theirs will be perceived as her house irrespective of who occupies it. All these might be a little too emotional for a woman.

Dad1’s Perspective: The best part of it was the dad, he seem to be totally ok with the change, in way I guess he may not be so keen on the life he had had before. He was still worried about the neighborhood and things that have changed, how the hangout places have changed, and also the usual talk about the Nicks and the Superbowl. I think I could not observe him much. I guess some people know how to not give out hints. That probably requires a little more expertize to observe such people. I am sure once in a while he might have felt the difference, in his activities, his group of friends and also the comforts he once had. I am not hinting that India is uncomfortable, its just that its different.

Good to bad, or worse to good, the change is always difficult. Its a long process, of being comfortable to the things that have changed. The difficult part could be the flashes/memories or people from the old life of yours, which may take you back and force you to visit things which are no longer part of your life.

I guess more than those people, it turned out that this post is more about my perspective of a relocation.

I have never given respect to a translated work, I know that its not easy to translate something. Its tough to retain the feel and the power of the original work, but still somehow I didnt respect this form of art,
Today I wanted to take a shot at this, wanted to translate something, and hopefully avoid a literal translation.
For people who don’t know, my mother tongue is kannada. Recently there is a surge in kannada music, new singers, new music makers, and most importantly to me, new lyricists
I kind of liked this song, so thought of translating the lyrics.

Courtesy Jayanth Kaykini the lyrics writer for kannada song.

Gone are those days, days almost same as previous ones,
long hours, day after day, with all of us,
with nothing to do, but lots to do.

Many days, long chats, some confessions, some sharing,
Some advice, some complains, a little fights and lots of fun.

No words spoken, hardly any time spent.
Your smile said it all,
Just the “Smile”.

My friend from blog-o-sphere silverneurotic is celebrating her 25th birthday, as a part of celebration she has come up with a 25 years blog carnival. She wanted us to write about people’s most vivid or special memories of the past 25 years. It can be about a personal event or it could be about a more news worthy event. This is my shot at this.

Early part of my childhood was spent living mostly with my mom, who took care of me all alone, my dad used to work in a different city, and he used to come down once in about six months. Even though we had more than good life, it was not a rich spoiled one. I don’t regret this for even a second. The middle class upbringing under my mother’s strict nature is something which I treasure a lot. As a kid in elementary school I was a little studious compared to others [ I just turned into a geek later :)]. I loved to have fun with my friends. Apart from studies, I had very good hobbies too. Not many people know that I had a exhibition of my paintings when I was in second grade. I also was into music, have to admit never been a sporty guy. If I have to look in retrospect the significant event during that period, was me realizing the importance of scoring high and education. In a way it was good, it has helped me to get to the position I am in today, in a way it has taken so many things away, the sad part is I cannot get the lost time back. People who influences me most during these times, were couple of my teachers, my mother and in a strange little way my father too.

The next significant phase in any teenager has to be the high school. I was little fortunate to get into one of the better high schools. By this time people around me had drilled in so much of importance of scoring high grades/marks that the importance to the “Education” got lost. More than the education part, my social life got totally screwed. I did have my share of high school crushes. It was fun, the first crush in a way never goes of, does it?. I know its sounds a little stupid, but it would be lovely to meet her just once more, and yes the concept of “White” which I always keep posting about is about her. I did not do much about painting nor on music during my high school days, all I did was study for the exams. I still remember me being called a bookworm or geek in our own terms, the good part is that I took it really as a compliment. I always used to feel happy when I get referred to, as one such. I have to admit people who made a lot of influence on me here too were my teachers, of course “her”, my cousins. My cousins got close to me during this period. We have had loads of fun and lots of memorable tit bits still bring a big broad smile to my face.

Short period of 2 years before my university days were so tensed that I don’t even want to remember that period. Its more like a black hole, which I don’t want to put light on. I can just say that I did reasonably well to get into a good college for my Bachelors, and also this was the last time I got to see “her”.

College doing my Bachelors will remain the most etched memory for me. I guess this is because I met most of my friends whom I can count on, during my college. Even though they are very few, I treasure them. I don’t agree with one my friends who recently said. “friends” to her means “they come and go”. I hope and feel she has said this out of hurt and she does not really think this way. Anyways. I had one of my greatest holidays with my friends during this time, I have also had my second and last of my crushes so far during this time, I have learnt something which is currently paying for my bills, I had the time of my life watching movies and shows which I love even now. The biggest influence on me during this time has to be my friends P & S and PA and V too. Guys you were great. I also loved the attention I got because of a certain event which happened towards the end of my college. In all wonderful four years which I would re-live any day.

Moving onto my post college years, my professional life. Its been almost 4 years, and kind of growing strong. I guess this is that time of my life, which has seen maximum changes, changes in everything.Firstly it has changed “ME”, he way I look at myself, the way I think, and my interests. It has changed my relationships, relationship with money, relatives, friends, strangers. Most importantly it has changed my priorities. It has made me learn so many things, from so many people. Made me do things which I would have never done. It has also made me go through so many ups and downs emotionally and professionally, it has indeed made me a different person all together. Again my influences have been strong, couple of colleagues from whom I have learnt whatever I know, Friends who have stood by me, new ones whom I have highest regards, and books

I am not sure what us lined up for my future. Expectation always spoils the achievement, but still I am no saint either.
so what do you guys think?
whats in store in my near future?
any thoughts?….