Monthly Archives: March 2007

Blogful conversation

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This is a conversation I had with a friend of mine last night. He has known me very well for quite some time now. He came to know I blog very recently, and this is what he thinks about it
[Actually this is what I think about blogging too]

Rambler : did u find it odd, with so many of them?
Rambler : and totally different things than I normally talk about
P : OK – my honest opinion (I am always honest with you guyz)
P : 1. Why are you writing the blogs all of a sudden – kind of bothers me
P : 2. I do Not find it odd
P : 3. Kind of worries me that you have some hidden feeling which you want to share – which you have not been able to do so –
Rambler : hmm good to know
P : If you want to share something – you know we are all there for you
Rambler : yes that’s correct
P : whats correct?
Rambler : If I want to share, there are people
Rambler : that’s correct
Rambler : its just I have found out how writing about things you think about helps you
Rambler : blogs are just a media
Rambler : as far as why I don’t share few things, its just the way I am
Rambler : I prefer to think about them that’s all
P : thats perfectly fine – just wanted to make sure you were OK
Rambler : and so many times what I write about, is not just me
Rambler : many times it might be you, S or any other person I have interacted with
P : yeah dude – we have been raised in a environment where free thinking is encourage – we should do that – we always have
P : I did catch on to that – many reference about me and S (and others – who I know is not you – but don’t really know how though)
Rambler : its like that person recognizes that
Rambler : and I am happy to give my opinion this way
P : exactly
Rambler : one thing I miss is the debates on topics which I want to discuss
P : but coming back to anonymity – everyone who reads and comments know your identity anyway
Rambler : hold on
Rambler : let me finish
P : yep – its hard to debate over blogs
P : or over IM for that matter – we are racing ahead of each other
Rambler : I hate when I don’t get good people to discuss
Rambler : so blogs, I get to hear many opinions
Rambler : from people all over the world
Rambler : let me just take an example
P : perfect
Rambler : say adoption
Rambler : how many people would give out real opinion
P : yes and no
Rambler : whats yes for?
P : I agree with you on some things and disagree with you on others
Rambler : what do you agree with?
P : agree with you on – people don’t give out their real opinion various things
P : the reason being they haven’t had an opportunity to deal with it from close by
Rambler : no
Rambler : i don’t agree
Rambler : the reason i feel is they don’t want to go against norm
Rambler : I know i have been there
P : yeah – I was coming to that
P : India is a society which is based on social norms. It works for majority of the people – they are happy to follow the norms and lead a “Normal” life
P : the society is “Designed” to make – say 90% of the people happy (90% is a number I pulled out of my ass)
Rambler : well I know what the norm is, I want the real opinions
Rambler : more than that different perspective
Rambler : which I get here
P : norm and opinion many times are the same – norms drive majority opinions and majority opinions drive norm
Rambler : norm drives majority people not opinions
Rambler : their opinions never come out
Rambler : I am not saying I am correct, but there are very few people who want to discuss like this with me
Rambler : i don’t mind correct/wrong
P : look – sometimes its hard to have opinion about topics which are not close to home
Rambler : do you think all the things which I have opinion about are close to me?
P : yes – India has another problem – people don’t discuss sensitive topics very often
Rambler : I wouldn’t say India
P : nope
P : but an average person does not think about many topics unless close to home
Rambler : I just want to discuss few things which I don’t know about
Rambler : and have some opinion
P : yeah – I take it back – every country (but whats sensitive varies from country to country)
Rambler : that’s a great part of learning
Rambler : yes perfect
Rambler : and then it also depends on interests
P : but an average person doesn’t care so much about learning – have realized this over years
Rambler : exactly
Rambler : “Care” is the word
Rambler : sometimes it frustrates me
P : they care only when its close to home
Rambler : no
Rambler : they don’t care
Rambler : what they care about is career, money family
Rambler : I am not saying its bad
P : yep – I agree with you
Rambler : I am just saying currently I have diff things
Rambler : that I want to talk about
Rambler : and very few people who care about those
Rambler : I don’t say they should
Rambler : for example I write say 5 posts per week
Rambler : each one strikes some diff persons
Rambler : I am so ok with that
Rambler : I cant expect you to comment about some poetry
Rambler : no offense meant OK
P : yeah – I know
P : Look – you got to realize that being ‘Different’ in India is a hard thing to do!
Rambler : Do you think I give up easily?
P : Not the “Rambler” I know
Rambler : actually I have got to read variety of stuff in blogs
Rambler : i like it
P : if you do something different than the ‘norm’ in India – more likely than not – you will be treated as a looser
Rambler : well I don’t blame people, I was so much like that
P : I don’t blame them either – people are who they are
Rambler : S said couple of times, she likes the new me!
Rambler : i like that, changes are visible now
P : Actually – I don’t see a very different ‘You’
Rambler : that’s interesting
P : you have always been vocal about your opinion
P : and you have always had opinion about ‘Stuff’
Rambler : yes the “stuff” is important here
Rambler : one more thing
Rambler : vocal to you does not mean vocal with everyone
P : and the only things that has changed – from what I can tell – is that you feel empowered since you have an audience now
P : personally – I am way past the point where I care about what a 3rd person things about me – for reasons you know
Rambler : third person gives you diff perspective man
Rambler : but you know that person is hard to find
P : I meant – people judging you
Rambler : oh OK
Rambler : I do care still
Rambler : that’s something I am working on
P : I don’t see good or bad either ways though
Rambler : its not about good or bad
Rambler : its just what you want
P : exactly – are you sure what you want?
Rambler : its not something you can be sure of,
Rambler : you will discover it slowly
Rambler : this is just making an effort towards it
P : yep – true

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Imperfection – Takers anyone?

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The most fascinating thing about human brain is its ability to think and like, different things. The likes and thoughts of a person adds so much of individuality to him/her. I have posted so many times about my likes. Today is going to be yet another post about yet another like of mine.

Perfection is something which is a goal for every human being, every man wants to be perfect, he wants his life to be perfect and expects all ideal things to happen. Things which are perfect attracts lot of suitors. A perfect job, a perfect relationship, perfect planning, I can go on for ever about need of perfect things.

Imperfection is something which is never seeked, never meant to be a goal. There is something about imperfection which attracts me. I have started to notice this a lot these days. Perfect is something which is not good for me.

My first reaction to this realization was, “How low can I get?”, have I lost confidence and am I settling for something less?. Actually I had not dropped my standards, and this was not as simple as I thought.

Before I continue with my ramble here are some of the examples of imperfections I like

Myself, these days I am really liking, days which are not complete, I always wanted to finish stuff that day itself, come home after finishing the work complete and perfect, but lately I like to leave something open. I like to sleep over it.

Movies, I do not like perfect ending movies, happily lived ever after kind of movies. I have never liked them. I always love the sad ending movies.

People, I have never liked or interested in people who are always cheerful, perfectly dressed and perfect diction people. Its not like I hate them. But never attracted to a girl with all these you know. Emotionally wanting people, struggling/hard working girls are the ones I admire and sometimes get attracted to.

Art, Even though I love portraits and landscapes, there is something about the hand painted versions. The photographs look great, but the hand drawn version really attract me

City, Being in Bangalore, I have cribbed so much about the traffic and the sense of people around, to be honest I have never disliked any of these.

I started to think more on, what could be the thing about imperfection that attracts me. Even though I have always been the person who believes “There can be no reason behind a person’s likes and dislikes”. In this case I think I have few pointers.
Imperfection is something which reminds me of reality, keeps me grounded, and also always gives me something to work on. More than all these it brings out the true character of the person. It also makes me realize, its fine to be found wanting. Lack of something does not make or break a person.

As I had it posted here “A Man is not all about one thing”

Dream, why?

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I know its tough,
Life is full of difficulties,
Success does not come easy,
Games not won always,
Bucks hard to earn,
Knowledge is illusive,
Relationships tough to build,
People tough to please,
Smiles hardly seen,
Pursuit never ends,
Rarely when we do get them,
Why does it feel like a dream?
Why dream?
Why?

The theory of selective absorption

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I remembered something I had read long time back. It was a stanza we read in the Sanskrit language class back in high school. Its called “Hamsa Ksheera Nyaya“. The theory of selective absorption.

The theory is about a mythical swan which has the capacity to separate milk from a mixture of milk and water and enjoy just the milk rejecting the water part. It is such a simple theory.

Everything we do in life, has lot of choices. We are always offered a mixed bag. Lets take a simple case of newspaper. It has so much of news, of all kinds sports, politics, entertainment.
The other way of looking at it, it has so much of positive as well as negative news. Its totally depends on us as to what we chose to read and what we ignore.

Same goes with every aspect of our day to day life, just consider a few things like
Advice from people
Comments for your improvement
Information about world
Money related advice
Opinions about you as a person
Talks about relationship
Music
All of them are mixed bags, you have milk as well as water in all of them. It totally depends on your judgment and skill to extract just the milk out of it. This is not something which we will develop overnight. It takes a lot of time and experience to know the difference.

It is not that we don’t commit mistakes while following this theory, its more on stands we take and faiths we believe in making those stands.

People who demonstrate interest in absorbing the good from the mixed bag interest me. I might have given an advise or a comment, I know it will have both the good and the bad part in it. I love When people use their individuality in absorbing the right stuff. It might initially hurt me that they didn’t consider what I said, in the long run these are the things which makes me admire a person.

A five pointer weekend

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Friday
Had to attend a birthday party, As there was nothing much to do there and I was totally feeling out of place, I decided to follow my friends time pass technique, I started to observe people[I generally don’t do this, I am too self centric]. Anyways, It was a birthday party for a 4year old and almost all the kids around there were around the same age or less. This is what I saw.

Men: Only thing that mattered was food.
Women: Only thing that interested them was how someone has either put on weight or lost it.
Parents: Party was for kids right?, the parents didn’t allow them to eat what they want

Sweets – apparently its cold for the body
Icecream and juice – cold stuff is said to affect the throat.
Indian breads like poori – too oily

I got so irritated that I took my niece [Whose birthday it was] and got here a huge chunk of ice cream. [And of course my sister in law nor my cousin brother knows this]

Saturday
After living in Bangalore for about 25 years, I had never been to the Brigade road on an Saturday evening. [for non Bangaloreans: Brigade road is supposedly most hip street in Bangalore].Honestly, If I have to admit, I found it really colorful 😉

Sunday
I always wanted to try this one. You know how people sit for reading on their bed. This semi sitting position, with their back resting on the head rest. I wanted to sleep in that position and wake up in the same position. A little weird, but wanted to do it. Its a lot tricky, than it sounds. You have to be sleepy just the right amount. You cannot do it when you go to sleep in the night because, you automatically slip to lying down. And when you are less sleepy you don’t get sleep sitting like that.
Sunday afternoon I did this :), I slept and woke up sitting up, What a sense of achievement.

Sunday-again
I always have this bad habit of commenting on the food, trying to find out small problems like salt is more, or it is less/more spicy, lacks taste, so on. I was so disgusted with that habit. I always used to tell my mom, “I would never hide what I felt, at least not when I am in my house”. In fact I couldn’t hide too. Finally this Sunday I did it. I silently ate even though there was no salt in the food. I loved the expression on my mothers face when she ate that later!

One bad thing I did this weekend.
I have always talked about, how people need their own space and anonymity if they prefer. I did this terrible thing of looking up someone in orkut. I felt really disgusted later that I did this. If that person had chosen to be anonymous to me, I had no right to look up.

Shameful Truth

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After 12 years of schooling, 2 years of pre-university and 4 years of university, I asked myself how prepared am I about medical crisis? Answer: Not even close.

I came across this article in todays paper saying “Tough men do not cry”. It was about how men do not believe much about prevention. Actually the worse part is we do not even care to be informed about it. I don’t think this is something specific to men.

I started asking myself questions about how much I am prepared.

First aid kit.
Nope, not at home, don’t know where it is kept at work.
Little information about bruises and anti-tetanus. Nothing much

CPR
Heard of it, seen it on screen, No idea how to do it, Definitely no idea how it works

Medical emergency numbers
No not on my cell phone.

After such questions, I totally embarrassed myself, with lack of my preparation. So I thought, I might have information about diseases, major ones atleast. Here goes the next set of questions

AIDS.
Know how it happens, how it spreads. [Ah finally one thing I know]
Am I careful? you know the one thing thats shown in AD’s on TV, I guess we people are least prone for that means of spread, anyways. When I go for a hair cut, insist on a new blade, but the stupid fellow uses the same razor with a new blade. I know that can cause problem. But I seem to be surviving on faith. What poor precautions

Cancer.
Know there are lots of types, knowledge about a few . Not sure how all it can spread. And absolutely no idea about how to take care of people with that.

STDs
Apart from the acronym expansion, no idea about the various kind, and also how it spreads

Asthma
A little knowledge about the stimulants and the causes. As I know couple of people with this disease know how to take care of them.

Well I basically got the point, that I am least prepared. I am not so sure how many of people around me are prepared either. How many of women around me are aware of breast cancer, Or any other commonly susceptable diseases for the women?, How many of the older man are aware of threat of prostrate cancer?. Do we even get checked regularly? We never give much of importance to these stuff I guess.

I really dont want to blame anyone for this. It just shows lack of interest. I would have read so many things just for the sake of information, Why didnt I chose to read about these? I have no answer.

Forget about the deadly diseases. Think about something chronically like diabetes, or high
blood pressure, or high bad cholesterol. How many of us monitor ourself regularly?

Just have to conclude this post shamefully, I guess.

Q: " I still dont understand, why anonymity " A: "Me too"!

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As my twitter board said, Last week I was thinking about why I prefer anonymity. Actually I do prefer it, and unfortunately lately not been able to protect it fully. Firstly I am not that sad about this. It kind of puts the fear away, fear of letting people know the real you. [No I am kidding, it helps but fear hasn’t gone away]
So as I have been thinking and been asked too,

Why Anonymity,
1. If I were to given an article about “celibacy” and or may be “Ten commandments” by “Pamela Anderson”, what would be my reaction?, I would really doubt the honesty and credibility behind the articles and also in other stuff whatever she is famous for.The point here is, how much ever I resent it, I have an Image which has been created partly by me, and mostly created by thinking minds around me. I feel neither me nor my opinion would be taken seriously in any matter If people were to know its me.

2. The whole blogging thing started because of I was tired of finding right people to discus with. Specially the ideas I chose to talk about, or issues that I discuss about, Most of them seemed to be that dark corner in the house where no one wants to go. Then with the all the controversial opinion I did not want people to judge me based on any half cooked image they formed because of the blog.

3. As I have told in many of my blogs, I don’t think many people get me, or my real intentions behind the post. I really don’t want many people to get it too. So I kind of handpicked people who can know my identity. I know it was not fair. But I knew people who really would not judge me based on thing. If I thought they could handle it I gave out my identity. Apart from a single case, where it leaked out unintentionally, I can, If I want I can list easily, who all were given out identity, at what time, at what state of my mind and for what reason.

4. Not many people know that I have always loved being anonymous. My math teacher from school would definitely agree with this, she’s the one most troubled because of this. I always thought I was evaluated unfairly at school. I am not saying I felt cheated, but I felt I was more favored, because of many other things. So When ever I wrote a test I would try to pull of anonymity, by not writing names, sometimes other indications which teacher cannot easily find whose paper it was, without considerable efforts. This teacher used to be so annoyed at me for making her extra work.
Anyways the point is, I always feel people are a little biased when it comes to voicing out an opinion. [People includes me too]. As this blog was aimed at people voicing what they think about the topics I wrote about, I preferred my old technique of getting fair evaluation.

5.Lastly anonymity gives my imagination freedom to go to any topic it wants to, without considering the rationality part of it. Now being the so called Rational and practical person, I myself found the irrational part of my mind annoying. Well call it double standards, but mind does play its own tricks.

At the end of all of it, I am not so sure what I am doing is right, I am also not sure when or how I would come out of anonymity.

I hope I answered “You”, looks like even with huge effort I didn’t answer “Me” fully.

Anybody with same dilemma?, Want to share why you prefer anonymity?