Monthly Archives: April 2007

You are special

Standard

I had written sometime back about “joy of being discovered“. It was about how I felt happy when somebody recognized traces of real me with the help of the clues I provide. People don’t provide clues, nor enjoy being discovered by anyone or everyone. Its more like you “hand pick” few who, you want, to know you. But just like any other like/dislikes of yours there would be no straight logic whom you hand pick.

Today I was wondering why do I feel comfortable with certain people, what do they have that others don’t, or what to they do special that I get close to few. Tough question right. A person who prefers so much of anonymity and being behind a mask, choosing a couple of particular persons whom he want to tell everything, or whom he does not mind discovering every hidden feeling of his, is strange, even to the person himself.

First thing that came to my mind that might influence is the vibes, the vibes a person gives out while interacting with me, is he/she genuinely interested in knowing things or do they have hidden agendas. People who on seeing me do not rush me into something, people whom I have so much to learn from. More than all these people who look as vulnerable as me. I think I have this dirty habit of sensing when people hide something. I think I can make out if someone is vulnerable inside and are working hard to get past it. As my new friend puts it “Kindred spirit”. I think I am good at spotting kindred spirits.

I try to go through as many new blogs as possible almost daily, I read anything to everything thats been written in blog sites, still I chose very few people to comment, very few people impress me, But till todays its only two blogs, of the people I dont know personally, I enjoy reading so much. They both are very much like me when they feel something. They are as emotional and as strong as I am. I feel like knowing them a bit more. In fact a lot more.
For one of them I went off my way, I sent a personal email, with my real name and personal email id. Its good to meet and make new friends. Its even better to find a person whose thoughts you respect.

You might ask why all this. Robin sharma wrote in one of his books, in a lifetime you should make atleast 3 good friends. I think I have two right now, looking for at least two more. Before you say, “that makes it 4!”. Its good to overshoot yours goal isnt it? 🙂

Advertisements

Ramble #100

Standard

I had a topic in mind for today, it had something to do with women and India, I logged into blogger to start a new post, and there it read “99 posts last published on Apr 28, 2007” So that makes this one Ramble #100.

Its a weird feeling, it does not carry any sense of achievement nor the proud associated with it, but still it feels good you know. The feeling might be a bit more because of how much blogging has contributed to me as a person. How much I have learnt and how many people I have interacted with.

It all started on a lonely day with nothing to do, a thought to document and a fear in mind. Then it was another thought and then another one and so on. Not until four/five months back that I started to blog more often. One of the things that still lacking was inputs from others.
I hate to call that “comments”, being in the software, “comment” is more or less associated with finding fault in someone else’s work. I would like to call it perspective.

I would like to thank people who take their time off to let me know their perspective. I know how difficult it is to take time off, to think about what I have written, and then think about their viewpoint and care enough to let me know. All this in a way has helped me to be a different person, and I hope a better one too.

Even people who don’t post their perspectives out here, I know of few people who go through my site regularly, and they may have their own reasons why they don’t post their views. I respect their decision not to public their perspectives. Only regret is I don’t get to know and read their blogs.

Does this change anything?. No I don’t think so, may be newer ideas and more people and more learning, thats what I hope.

She

Standard

She is full of youth
Oh, did I tell you I don’t know her age
She is full of innocence and trust
Oh, did I tell you she is the hardest to be fooled
She has a lovely smile and even bigger laughter
Oh, did I tell you shes a brilliant actor
She can be moody and sad
Oh, did I tell you, she can cheer me up any time
She is extremely conscious about her body
Oh, did I tell you, she loves to be held
She used to love makeup and hair spray
Oh, did I tell you, she knows I love naturals
She loves to be alone and thoughtful
Oh, did I tell you, she loves to be with me
She loves to speak and chat a lot
Oh, did I tell you, she talks to me about silence
She hates to compromise specially about her clothes
Oh, did I tell you, she likes whites and peaches now
She has been a lonely fighter and loves being that
Oh, did I tell you, she thinks we are a team
She is so childish and such a girlie girl
Oh, did I tell you, shes the strongest woman I know
She is the one I just met
Oh, did I tell you, shes a fantasy, fantasy thats what she is

Statement/Speechless/Stunned

Standard

We have so many casual conversations every day, some with people we know, some with strangers, some with people who think similar to you, and some with people who disagree with you. In most of these conversations you don’t expect something drastic, you don’t expect something which stirs you up, something which is so shocking that you are rendered speechless.

I always enjoy conversations which are thought provoking, but the problem is finding right people. Recently I ended up stuck at a small village for 3 days. I had nothing to do, no TV, no book to read and not even newspaper. On top of it, nobody to talk to either. [By this I mean people who I know]. The first few hours I was so bored and the thought about what I will do for next 3 days was making it worse.

There was only one thing I had to do the whole day, thats “eat”. So I ended up walking up to this small restaurant in the village. This had a small canopy like structure in front of it where people were having breakfast. Strange thing was as normally people dont come to this village, only people who were there were westerners on visit to India. What followed was 3 full days of conversations with so many people. Many from different countries religion and thoughts.

So this post is about one such conversation I had with a person from Thailand. I don’t remember his name, but will never forget what he had to tell me, in my entire life. As usual it was him who started the conversation, after exchanging country information and intent of visits to that village, we both ordered a cup of tea and started sipping. He asked me how come I was alone, and he had observed that Indians do not like to travel alone. I had to tell him the reason I was alone and told him that I was getting bored with nothing to do, nothing to see or read, and then the words came out, he said,

“This is the problem with most of the people, they are never thought or they never learn to be comfortable with themselves”

He said this and continued sipping as if nothing happened. I was speechless. I had never thought someone will come out with such a statement, If he had looked at my face at that point, he could have seen the shock on my face with my mouth hung open.

I had never thought about this aspect of solitude. I have liked being a loner and keeping my thoughts to myself. But being comfortable with myself, I have never been. I have always used my ipod as my mind plugs when I go for my walks, so that I dont end of thinking too much. I have never left my mind idle, I have never left it alone so that It can come up with something which it wants to do. It has been always bullying myself to do what I want to.

Many of you might find this statement made by him very trivial. But that day this made me think so much, In recent times nothing has triggered my thoughts as much as this did.

So, Are we afraid to stay with ourselves, with nothing to do, nothing to read or see?, Are we so much dependent on external things that we cannot be just with selves?, do we bored ourselves so fast and easily? Do we always need someone or something to keep us happy? All interesting questions. Unfortunately answer is Yes currently for all of them.

My Fantasy

Standard

People who read my posts might have already realized I am a little crazy, so here is one more addition to my crazy wants..

I need not mention that I am little of a movie buff. I enjoy watching movies, and even discussing and thinking about it. Or I can rather put it is I like thinking and discussing things I like, and movies happen to be on of those.

A persons likes and dislikes are something which lacks logic. I don’t think anybody can reason out why they like or dislike something, and other thing is there is so much variety in life that, people end up having very different tastes when it comes to anything, movies included.

Coming back to my likes, I have really enjoyed watching some movies, most of which have been termed bad by both critics and people, there are so many movies which have failed miserably in the box office and I have watched them over and over again.

Worst part of having such a taste is finding company to go to movies with. Its very difficult to find company to do normal things I like to do, I cant even think about finding company for movies I like to watch. That’s one of the reason why I have to think many a times before inviting someone for a movie. Not only it might result in totally boring them for 2 hours but also leave me with guilt at the end of the movie for boring them.

This might be one of the reasons for my fantasy. I always wanted to go to the theaters and watch a movie alone. [I know of only one more crazy person like me who wanted to do this , yes its you “Amigo”.]

Movies is something which you never see people going alone, at least I have never done it so far. If you really think logically, why do we need company for movies?. Once the lights are switched off, we hardly speak to our neighbor, in the intermission we have popcorn and I don’t need company for that too, and once its done we end up coming home. So why do we really need company for the movies.

One day during my recent vacation, I was thinking how it would feel If I watch the movie alone in a theater.[ Well really don’t know why I thought about this on vacation]. Just the thought turned this into sorta fantasy.

One other reason for the fantasy could be lack of people whom I used to go to movies with. Time does bring many changes, and one such is aging and drifting. I can still remember when I used to watch movies every Friday with a “person”, and even before that how I had another “person” to go to movies having almost the same taste as mine in movies, and till recently there was this another “person: who used to accompany me to the movies.

Whatever the reason be, a Fantasy is a fantasy isn’t it?. I think I am going to be out and about in a theater nearby, alone, soon

Apology

Standard

I wanted to say this to a person today, but didn’t. Anyways I am sure “person” would get the message from here. All I wanted to say was
“I am sorry”
I myself could not make out the reason behind my feeling to apologize, at least not fully.
If only we could find reason behind all our feelings.

"Assumption" – Why do I do it?

Standard

Assumptions are something which have really haunted me many a times. I always end up regretting the assumption I have made about things. I am not sure if this happens with others, but whenever I think about a person, or a situation I end up making and acting upon assumptions. I may be happy when the assumptions turn out to be true, but more often or not its not the case. I realize the assumption was not true and start thinking, how bad I was for doing that, what could have led me in doing such a thing. All the reasons which appeared to be so obvious while making the assumption end up looking dumb. Recently there have been couple of assumptions which turned out to be false and put me in deep thought. Both unfortunately were related to age and women.

On my vacation I met this 60 year old lady from Seattle. She was thin, she had a white head of hair and she wore this thick glasses, and also her back had a little hunch. As usual it was not me who started the conversation. She wanted to know the whether prediction for the next day and, I told her that I had no idea and then the conversation started. She told me she was retired teacher and spent most of time with her other old friends. As she began to speak, my mind started making assimptions. I thought she would have come to this place on a visit, as this was a hill station she would be spending more time sitting around, taking rest. I also imagined how she would have loved the pleasant lake I had been to earlier that day, how she would have struggled to climb the monastry which was a little climb away.

After some talk about seattle and my trip to portland oregon some time back, I asked her how she was finding the place and what she did over here. There came the shocking news. She had just come back from a 9 day trek. she had almost trekked 50 km uphill in 5 days and had walked back the same in 4 days. Not only that, she was so pissed off at her guide who did not allow her to climb the peak at the destination because of her age. This made me so disgusted at myself for assuming something about age. How could I think she could not do what normal people do there.

If you think that ended there, it did not. We started chatting and generally the subject economy came up. I was telling how Indian mentality is to save and how people end up saving more than actually spending. I was also telling her how the younger generation is being lured into debts here by banks. I made a statement that in the United states, the economy is much different and people like to spend rather than save. There went my second assumption. She started telling me how she saved a lot of money when she was younger, It was clear that she was never stingy, it seemed that she would make sure every penny is spent to its worth.

The two assumptions made me feel so bad about myself that I could not even look up to her later.

All the people who use the internet must be aware of the social networking website. Myspace and orkut has become so popular with youngsters. Most of us spend time in websites like these to meet and text old friends, make some new ones and discuss some topics of interest.Every day a new such website comes up and some one or the other taggs you. I ended up hating the tagged emails so much that after the first one I stopped even reading the mails leave alone becoming member of such website. I always assumed this is something which is for the college kids. Boys and girls spending time when they dont have much to do.

I was reading this article in the national news paper by this middle aged lady, she might be 40/50. She had written about similar phenomenon and how she hated being tagged by some unknown person. I was really shocked that people her age are also not spared. I was even more disgusted by the fact that I assumed old people do not need social networking. I did some study on orkut and myspace looking at ages of profiles. Its really strange I found so many middle/old aged people on myspace. All with much bigger friends group than mine and much more active too.

I know its hard to get rid of habits, its even harder when the habit is bad. Hopefully I will be able to get rid of this one,
“Making Assumptions”