Monthly Archives: May 2007

Angry tales.

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Anger is one thing which is not new to anyone, everyone of us get angry sometime or the other. Its just how we react during the anger, which varies from person to person. Someone once asked me do you ever get angry? and my answer was yes and very easily. I don’t have issues with anger or anything like Adam Sandler in some movie, but I do get angry easily. In fact I have to admit it has come down a lot in recent times.

Over the years I have observed two kinds of reactions to anger.
First kind of People react to anger openly, they show their frustrations and are mostly vocal about it, their rants are never held back and even if it is not to the face of person who is the cause for anger, they vent out their problems to other people.
The other kind is more introverted, and they never get the frustration out, they keep anger to themselves, and do not take any action. Instead they end up holding back the anger and suffering deeper.

I really don’t know which one is better, in a way the first option seems better, that way you dont carry any baggage with you. It helps you clear your mind and get over the problem once and for all. Sometimes the later one seems better, this way you wont end up doing something in haste, nor have to face consequence for your actions. You may end up even surprising the opposition and that can work wonders to you.

I belong to the later category, the painful inner ranter kind.

Long time back I had a conversation with one of my friends, He knew me from long time and also easily could make out what made me angry. This one day both of us were angry and he was telling me how bad he felt about the deed that made us angry. I was behaving as though I was not angry and cribbing in the back of my mind. According to my friend, both of us were in the same boat, it was just that I was not being vocal about it.

Just the other day, I was angry, angry at a remark made about my working style. I was furious, because of the some reason. I guess we need to be a little careful when we comment on some one else, you never know the state of mind nor the other persons reason for taking a particular stand. As always its always better not to comment about how there is one correct style and the rest bad.

Anyways more than the anger, it was my reaction that surprised me, this time I was very vocal, I did not hold back my anger any longer. All it took was one angry statement from me, and I went quiet, not quiet with anger, it was my reaction.

The incident holds one significance to me though, I moved from the later kind to the former kind. Atleast this one time.

Which kind are you?

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Me, Blogs, and Symbolism.

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One of the great habits I have developed recently is reading, I had never imagined I had so much of patience in me to actually read a whole book, unless it was technical. I started with humor and then moved onto non fiction and then to slight philosophy. Of all the books I have read, the one style which I like a lot is symbolic writing. I simply love when the author can make two statements at the same time, the literal meaning gives out one story, and there is a bigger meaning hidden.

I have tried to use this style sometimes when I blog, Its like communicating two things at the same time, and its all left to readers to make whatever they can out of my posts. One of the recent ones which I liked personally was Foot in an open beach

Even when I read blogs I tend to look at such posts, I tend to look so closely sometimes that I tend to see symbolism even at places where it is not intended. Sometimes it would have come out unknowingly to the author, and in most others its just me imagining stuff.

Apart from the symbolism in my writings, I also have developed few associations to things around us. I am sure many more people develop such associations over period of time. You relate many objects around you in day to day life to a particular thing. Here are some of such things and to what I associate them to.

Water – “god”
Cappuccino – “work”
Noise – “Torture”
Friends – “Chosen few”
Humor – “Hiding emotions”
Discussion/Argument – “Knowledge”
White – “her”
Different languages – “Expression”
Writing – “Passion”
Flowers – “Life”
Laugh – “hidden pain”
Shopping – “people”
Morning jog – “My time to do anything peaceful”
Silence – “Bliss”
Touch – “Romance”
Regret – “Loss”
Religion -“ugly” “never understood in right spirit”
Feelings -“Personal”
Anonymity – “choosing people to know the real you”
Media – “lame”

Do you use symbolism?, do you associate stuff?, do you have some of these on your list?

He is all that!

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He is happy and is grinning ear to ear,
He does not bother about what people think of him,
He is careless and totally wild,
He is ready to take any risk without thinking about the consequence,
He shares common likes with the masses,
He does show the emotion, he is feeling, on face,
He thinks naughty,
He speaks a lot, even with people he doesn’t know,
He enjoys himself in parties and gatherings,
He is not defensive and fights even with most powerful, knowing for sure it would harm him,
He does not hide his identity,
He craves for recognition and appreciation,
He lacks logic and thinks through his heart,
He ranks beauty above brains,
He is very difficult to meet,
A closer look confirms, he is just a very rare “ME”

sweet cruel T.I.M.E

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Its really nice when some one sparks your thoughts. Its even better, when this is done by someone whom you interact with for the first time. It feels nice to meet such people. I would have loved to talk about more about this, but I almost scared one person of my blog site by posting that report from statcounter. I well not do that this time.

Anyways, I got this nice comment from Gayatri saying…

U ve thought
U ve sensed
U ve felt
dnt
u know tht im ur friend? a friend who follows ur thoughts? and proceeds to get them in reality? I DO, do U??? ?
-cruel T.I.M.E (three qn marks are questioning

UR qn marks and forth one is for U 🙂 )
So there you go, My answer to your question

I believed in my friends,
Friends who would be there for me,
Friends who can follow my thoughts,
Even thoughts which are yet to be born,
they did see me through a lot of them,
But what went wrong?, not sure.
I knew there was a lurker,
A lurker who stood behind me all along,
Was he one among my friends?,
I refused to believe he was,
You cannot blame me for this,
Not many gets to feel his kindness,
Just when the sadness and the regret kicks in,
He starts his work, day after day,
Even before I can realize,
Sweet cruel T.I.M.E, he is done with his job.
A small follow up to “Not so cruel time”

waiting for your response!!

Missing Connection

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Recently I came across this website about missed connections, its like an ad website, you can write about people whom you have lost, people whom you have had glimpse or just a little encounter, you can post about them, and if someone has a clue they will get back to you. I kind of liked the concept. I thought I could do that too, may be not on a website but on my blog page. So here it is, not an advertisement but more of an experience.

I entered not so busy train, expecting a peaceful journey. Time for a little history, I am with my group of friends, well more like people I have just met, people who wanted to travel. My group gets separated, the tickets are not together so we bunch of three end up separate.

As I was saying, I enter the compartment and find my seat. My seat is on the side row, kind of way I like it, just one more person to deal with. The seat is close to the entrance, the door seem to be struck, not oiled perhaps, very tough to open, people struggling in and out of it. I sit by my own, thinking about the day, what happened all along, what went wrong, what I enjoyed. I see this small girl, well not so small, may be 10 years old. She has a big bag in her hand and is struggling to get it, I stand up and open the door for her. There I see a big smile on her face. I begin to think, how happy kids are always. I don’t see who’s behind the kid. Then I see “You” enter, you with your serious face, you look angry, may be it was the heat, or may be it was the fight you had with your sister. I close the door behind you and get back to my seat. I don’t bother to look at you.

I start reading the news paper, the noise made by your family begins to annoy me. I look up and see your face for the first time. You look young, may be 17/18. I fail to see what you are up to, I get back to my paper, I get a little conscious, and look up, I catch you staring, staring at me, you got shy and change your sight. It is a new experience for me, not many times I have caught someone staring, definitely not as young as you. For a second I think I am imagining things, and just lift my head to confirm. I see you stealing a glance at me again. Now I am confirmed, Still I am surprised, I wonder what did you see in me.

Couple of hours go by, I don’t give you much attention, rather try to avoid that. I decide to sleep in the upper berth. I close my eyes, awake though. I hear you fighting again with your sister. This time to sleep in the opposite berth to mine. I kind of enjoy the attention. You are too young for me to reciprocate. I feel this must be your crush or something.

Next day I wake up early and see you sleeping, first time I see the innocence in your face, I can now see the face that was stealing a look or two the other night. It was time for me to get down, I get down even before you wake up. I get off, a little happy, for all the attention and a little regret for not speaking to you. A week goes by,

I come back to one of the cities en route. Its cold, chilly and rain is in the air. My friends decide to shop, and I decide to stay outside, enjoying the fresh air. I see your mom and sister, a pleasant little surprise, my eyes begin to look for you, I don’t see you for a while. I give up and get back into the shop. I get a little impatient and decide to come out. This time I see you, I see you with your family. I guess this was my last chance to see you, my chance to feel the thrill of watching someone when they are not aware. You don’t notice me, I guess you didn’t spot me. The cab arrives and your family decides to go.

Standing there I knew, this would be the last time I am seeing you, few days later and I am back to my city, my city so far from yours. I didn’t hope for anything more. Just knew that you would be one of the missing connections.
There is always a thin line between reality and imagination, as the line begins to blur the picture becomes more perfect.

Grow up people !!!

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There are few things which can never change, and unfortunately mindset is one of them. One of my strongest believes in life was that people grow up when they age. Later it changed, I thought age has nothing to do with growth, people grow up along with the knowledge/information they acquire over the years. One of the important aspects of growth being the improvements in the mindset, broadening of the mind, accepting alternates and seeking the best out of the opposites.

Not every person grows with age, but with literacy a person is exposed to various channels through which he/she can acquire knowledge about anything. Even without the extra efforts from the individual, he/she gets to know basic information and skills to understand the right and wrong. This is what I assumed. I guess I was wrong. When people refuse to learn, they end up literate but uneducated.

Religion in India is a very u0gly discriminator. Educated people, even with all the knowledge, think that the sole reason behind the success/failure or good/bad deeds of a person is his religion. How can people be so insensitive?. I was witnessing a discussion today about failure of our president as a president. I really don’t spend much time on these things, as I feel its not worth. Politics is not uncommon, president bashing does happen all around the world. The sad part in the discussion was 3 educated people, all elder to me by a clear distance, reasoning his failure was because of his religion.

If the new generation, who are exposed to so much of truth want to ignore the knowledge and still continue with the blind mindset, which has been around over the years, what is the use of them being literate and educated?. I had huge hopes on our generation to get past the religion and look at the individual. I guess I was too optimistic. I don’t even want to get to secularism. I think Indian definition of secularism needs to change.

I have lost hope, hope that we will grow up, hope about looking beyond the religion of a person, looking at the individual.