What would you do……?

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WARNING: The lines that follow are real ramblings, and may result in a state of total confusion. Side effects could be as high as headache and disgust towards the author’s un-clarity of mind

Hypothetical situation: What should we do If we feel that somebody is having a problem. Say they are unhappy, or have a personal problem, or any botheration for that matter. Are we supposed to try to help them out, or wait till they come to us for help?

I guess it totally depends on people, I have kind of divided them into three sects.
An acquaintance,
A person very close to us
A person well known, but we are not aware of the depth of friendship yet.

When it comes to just an acquaintance, the risk involved is very less, both the parties involved may not be worried much about the bad consequences, if any. In fact there will be lot of openness and frankness when it comes to discussion of problems between the two. When the people involved are really experienced or wiser, the talk can really help. I have had really good suggestions from people who do not know me really well.
I guess, it would totally depend on our personality, I would probably offer a listening ear to most people. I may not be of much help but I am sure at one level the person talking about what they want or feel will be happy. It also gives me the satisfaction and a feeling of being useful.

When you know a person very well and you are really close to him/her, I think we should have no apprehension towards approaching them when we have problems, or when they have problems, we should have no hesitation in talking to them and trying to see if we can help. When you are close to a person, the line between the personal lives become very thin.
I somehow have issues finding boundaries. I always find it a dilemma as to when and where to stop.
I guess it depends on that person. When a selected few people are involved I would take the risk. Risk of trying to begin the discussion or probe the matter, even if they don’t like it. Mainly because you know for sure you would be easing their feeling.

Now the most difficult sect.
You come to know a person is not totally happy, what would you do?
You know the person fairly well, but may not be close enough to ask what the problem is.
If you don’t know the kind of friendship you share with that person. You are not very sure if you can ask intrude into the personal space, that too not knowing how much of a help you can be.
Here is where I am totally confused what to do.

I should not be posting this here. I guess I should not have written the post too.
I would like to apologize to the person for posting this here. But had to, let this out.

An unfinished conversation was bothering me from yesterday. I had no clue as to, it was a planned drop or an accidental end for the conversation. I kind of took the risk and asked the person today. I was really afraid at first. You never know how people can react. I mean the person should not feel that I am being a truder here, and kind of spoil the friendship.

I think it went fairly good. Hopefully the other person also thinks the same 🙂

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4 responses »

  1. I’m one of those people that can’t just let a person deal with their problem alone…I will offer help, or make suggestions based on the situation. I’m also one of those types that people just come to automatically for help or support. That’s one of the reasons why I choose to go into psychology…and hopefully counseling once I get into a masters program.

  2. When I have confusion; I buy time. Whatever accidental or purposful ; things will become clearer if they intend to. If the relation is not fully established; I respect the persons privacy and let them be. May be few suggestions ..bas..nothing more nothing less !!

  3. There is a view that says people should be left to resolve their own problems – I kinda concur with that – not because I don’t care but because I’ve learned people don’t like to be given advice – even if they say they do, and anyway, they seldom if ever listen to it. So, what I do is, if they want to talk, listen, be there. And if they don’t want to talk or open up, just be kind and considerate – that way you show that you care but without butting in – you may well find, that just that encourages them to talk and share. Compassion and empathy.

  4. @silver.
    Really nice to know how you think. Would you really probe the person when he/she is known to you, almost well, but then you dont know how the person is going to take it.

    @Saaya.
    Privacy is definitely important thing, but then I really think people needs to made aware that they are not alone, and shown the comfort for them to come out and talk about their feelings.

    @Atyallah
    Actually most of the time we dont have advice, we just want to make sure we have a nice conversation making sure that we will be there for the person. We may not have the solution nor the advice, but still we will standby the person.

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