Monthly Archives: August 2007

"Am I Spiritual?"


“Am I Spiritual?”, One question which I have failed to answer to myself many a times. I guess one of the main reasons for my failure to answer this question is, spirituality itself, its something so personal, totally a private feeling.

I like the sanskrit definition for spirituality, its called “adyathma” which means “that which pertains to the self or atma[soul]”. So I would define being spiritual is caring for your spirituality, that would mean caring about your soul. So the question bounces back, when do you feel that you are caring for your soul?

When I wake up the first thing in the day, without any efforts from me, or will, I instinctively pray. I might have chosen some not so common set of prayers[shlokas] which I prefer, some about the god, some about goddess, some about life, some which tell me the importance of education, and some praising the all important thing in life “Time”, anyways they do give me, for a short time of about a minute, a sense of hope for the day, a feeling of happiness, and that surely would please my soul, so is that spiritual then?

I do believe food is an important part of life, and I do believe in living to eat, rather then eating to live. I am extremely meticulous in the food I eat, and I carefully choose the right amount everything that gets into my food. I get really irritated if the taste is even a little bit off, food does excite me and makes me feel happy about the day, I can still remember days where I have had amazing food. So isn’t that caring for my soul?.

From the very beginning, I have loved discussions and arguments of all kinds, I feel disagreement is the right way to question stuff, at the end of the day you get many things on to the table and finally learn a lot more then you could have had, if you just agree at the beginning. ability to question and to ask is something which pleases me a lot. I never question authority I always question information. so isn’t this spirituality?. Trying to follow something which gives you immense pleasure.

There are amazingly insignificant things which can drive you close to yourself.

Lately I have lost the sense of my spirit, I am not able to find things which excite me, I know writing does, but again there is something which I am missing, not sure if its a thing, or a person, or even a event which might turn my way around.

Daisies who writes at introduced me to a beautiful project called My Sacred Project started by Carla of Zena Musings . The idea is to post a photo of your daily life capturing something that connects you to Spirit. The idea is to connect with the holiness of everyday life. Just an attempt to probe my spirit


Call me a romantic – by silverneurotic

Silverneurotic as I know her, writes at The Post College Years-Part Two, one of my earliest blog buddies, I can’t even remember how I came to know her blog, or was it her who came across my blog the first time around. In way it does not matter I guess.

The thing that drew me to her writing, is the subjects she choses to opine about, I mean there is a wide range of subjects which almost instantly appeal to you as a reader, something which makes you want to think what you think about the same. I admire the professional job she does, not many have the opportunity to serve people like the way she does.

Being a person who is interested in psychology, somewhere she does understand the true feeling in your posts, and provided with really good comments [I hate to use the word comment].

She writes at

You can read the rest of the series here “Body or Soul” or Pure Pursuits .

Hello, my name is Silver and I am a virgin.

I do not make this statement in jest. I do not make this statement to boast and I do not make this statement out of shame or embarrassment. I make this statement as a matter of fact. I am a virgin.

Recently Rambler asked his blog readers to share with him things that we would not discuss on our blogs. Being the smart ass I am, I stated that I would not discuss my sex life, or rather, my lack of sex life. As fate would have it however, here I am doing exactly that. Funny how things work out.

I find being a twenty-something female virgin in the United States to be a challenge. I am constantly being challenged by two different mindsets, the traditional and the modern, both of which are strong forces in my personal life.

You can read the rest of the post Call me a romantic – by silverneurotic

The two sided coin.


People always saw him happy.

Was it the smile?, or was it the face?
Or was it a mask which was put on?
People were too busy to care,
Care, for the his real feelings,
Care, about his real emotions.
Some did come forward,
with, an effort,
An effort to know the real “him”.
All they saw was a “HARD” shell,
hardness, so it seemed.
They still didn’t give up the search,
Search, of an open window.

He totally knew who he was.
Lots of ideas, lots of thoughts,
Aspirations, Expectations, and Admirations too.
Confusions, dilemmas, risks and fears,
He wasn’t spared of contradictions too.
He wished to be common, one among the lot,
Enjoy the people, and what they thought,
Discuss his issues, share his passion,
Share his joy, and sorrow too.
He did try to break open,
All he saw was a thick wall,
Thickness, so it seemed,
He still didn’t give up the search,
Search, of an open window.

also posted at

Techie suicides


Have you guys looked at newspapers recently, I am sure you would have. If you have, you would have noticed the number of suicides that are happening in India seem to be on a raise. People ending life everywhere, people who are educated, established, who have not even experienced the basic feelings of the human form of life, people who have accomplished a lot and or on way to even better stuff. Its really confusing and damaging trend.

We see people, especially techies committing suicides very often, and in most of the cases it gets assumed that the cause is the stress. I refuse to believe this, I do not think stress alone can be cause of so many suicides, so whats it that our colleagues are ending life for?, is it stress, depression or sense of being useless. If it is depression, whats causing it?, is it their busy life?, lack of time for outside work? got me really thinking.

As I began to think, I counted the number of times I have visited a doctor in last one year, may be 8 times, out of these, all 8 times was for a seasonal cough or a cold, may be once for a bad stomach after eating some stuff out on the streets [;) that I would never mind]. Anyways the point is all of them were due to my body ailments, did I ever think about meeting a counselor? nope. Not even close to thinking of meeting one such. All of us know that 90% of our problems seeds from our brain, so why is that we don’t get ourselves checked for that?, I am not saying all of us have gone mad, we need to meet a psychiatrist or something like that.

See thats the problem, we all believe [including me] meeting a counselor is for people who have something wrong in their mind, either they have mental illness, or mentally retarded or even worse unfit for society. It might be a little exaggeration but deep down we do frown upon people who do meet councilors. How wrong we all are.

Recently read an article in an otherwise useless daily called Times of India, about how software firms and BPOs in Bangalore have started providing their employees counseling, they have started giving anonymous service where people can send problems and get advice, also meet them casually and see if they can see signs of issues, and advice accordingly. I feel this is a great step, this will make that less of a taboo, and more acceptable.

So coming back to the reason for depression and suicides, I think the main problem is the lack of balance.

Huge change in financial state, is the first thing that strikes me, people coming up poor backgrounds suddenly given so much of money don’t know what to do, most of them end up spending too lavishly with no thoughts for future, when they end up in a fix, they end up ending their lives.

Improper work/personal life balance, I have been totally guilty of this one, I mean we absolutely don’t give ourselves any time for personal stuff, like enjoying a hobby, making friends and other pursuing other relationships, enjoying a hot cup of coffee with our family. Small things these, but act like a total morale booster you know. Somewhere with no vent for the mind, the depression creeps in. I have complained of bad mood for no reason so many times.

Bad influence from the environment, where the bosses don’t respect people’s personal life, when lot of things are expected, sentiments are ignored, and in turn frustrating the employee more.

Peer pressure, I have always been a believer that strong will is a must, and once you have that peer pressure or any other pressure would not work on you, I would like to believe that no one can make me do something unless I want to, but then having seen people, may be a little weak minded, being easily bullied, or lured into things which are beyond their capability, be it drugs, sex or alcohol, or any other thing. The guilt and the regret they are left with, does cause a lot of issues.

All in all a very bad trend this, something seriously to be thought about.

Almost an Hobby – Heads or Tails #3


Its third week of “Heads or Tails” over at Skittles’ and todays topic is Hobby.

One day my friend S and I were discussing about the very same topic, now being a hobby-less man for most of my life, I hardly have any extra curricular interests to put up in my resume, anyways context of that discussion is totally irrelevant here, but that day made me think about all those things which just missed being my hobby.

When I was in my elementary school, as any normal hindu kid growing up in a traditional environment would do, I was made to take interest in hymns, and songs in praise of the god, and man did I like doing that. As a kid you are ready to do anything that gets you attention, and this singing hobby of mine, was just one such. I don’t even remember when it got lost.

My uncle saw some spark in me with painting, and it became my hobby for almost 3 years, I was too young to understand the concept of art, all I knew was colors. I used to attend this painting workshop like 3 times a week almost for 2 years, and at the end of 1.5 years, they did do a exhibition of all our work. A national daily picked up my work and wrote an article about how expressive the painting was. The real fact is I didn’t understand what they saw in the painting. By the time I entered 6th grade, this so called hobby of mine was totally gone.

If sports can be considered a hobby, then couple of years went in all kinds of sports, I did enjoy playing kho kho the best, I did play for my school couple of times, but then studies was too important when compared to some game, which was like hardly known to people. As a hobby I did love it, almost playing daily, getting my pant torn at knees every other day, the patch on my knee which was inevitable, the closest I have got to being wild was this period.

As an young adult, hobbies were almost screwed up, and studies was the all important thing. In high school, we were forced to choose one, and I chose dramatics, may be because it had least things to do, this was one thing which I learnt least, A couple of make up gigs did attract me, but then I was too uninterested in this hobby.

Towards the end of my high school I picked up writing, I for the first time in life, realized I had so many things to say, I started in my native language kannada, and essays were my favorite form of expression. I did write many of those, and did get them published in couple of kid magazines, all I have about those are memories, few cuttings from magazine and couple of prizes which I won.

Then came a long gap, where I had no hobbies what so ever, unless you want to call TV as an hobby, was totally focussed on only one thing, college and job. Most of the days I don’t regret this at all.

Lately, in an year or so, like all you guys, It too got bitten by the blogging bug, there has never been a hobby which I have pursued with so much interest and effort. It started with just a pass time, but in a short time totally took me over, I began to realize I have so much to say, and no one to listen. So why not say it, may be someone somewhere is interested in all the crap I dish out. If not anyone, at least I have a place where I can say anything I want, everything I think about and not worry about what I am supposed to say. For the first time, I could really get rid of the ironmask which was on me throughout all my life.

Lets talk about winning.


Willie Shoemaker once said “There are one hundred and ninety nine ways to get beat, but only one way to win; get there first.” Pretty strong I must say, very positive and inspirational. Everyone wants to win, don’t we?.

There has been interesting theory regarding the wanting to win, how much we should give importance to winning, is winning everything?, should we be always looking to win?. In this competitive world, yes thats what we are thought to do, think about winning, always plan for it, come up with ways to get there, learn from winners, see if you can make someone lose for your win, all’s square in the effort to win.

Recently was reading an interview from a top sportsman from India, I must say it was one hell of an inspiring interview, it was how he fought against corruption and politics in Indian sports bodies, how when he joined the team he had to face people who didn’t want to win, about the different school of thoughts when it comes to the idea of winning. He talks about how people in the team believed not loosing is a win when he joined the team.

Pretty interesting, can not losing be counted as a win?, isn’t that too negative way of thinking?, Isn’t he who fears to lose, the one who gets satisfied from not losing?, is there something seriously wrong with this approach. Looking at this from distance makes us believe its not the right approach. But we all have been found guilty of playing safe, being ready with plan B if we fail, isn’t risk mitigation a good plan, and then when you know that you cannot pull it through, atleast save some pride by not losing?. On the contrary people do say that if you cant win, there is no point in not losing.

Richard Bach says “That’s what learning is, after all; not whether we lose the game, but how we lose and how we’ve changed because of it and what we take away from it that we never had before, to apply to other games. Losing, in a curious way, is winning.

This brings in a total new perspective, about gaining from your loss, all of us agree that loss in inevitable, but when we do lose, why not make best use of the loss?, why not take the best out of it, make the loss count for bigger wins, find your win even in the loss.

When it comes to me, I have been competitive throughout my life, its always been about winning, losing has hurt me badly at times, I have learnt from losses, and no it has not reduced my want to win.

Its probably one of those debates which are very personal, and way too dependent on the individual. What say guys…..