There are things which you do not think about, or rather do not find the need to think about, but over the age, you grow up and you get to a point where suddenly these thoughts find a place in your head, things which you had left as not applicable, suddenly become a little concerning, and finally the thought catches onto you.
A blogger friend had a post about arranged marriages recently, and suddenly it struck me that soon within a year or two, the topic is going to come up at home regarding “Marriage”, and for a person who has had no thoughts about it, I need to have some preparation as to what, when, how and If I want it. More importantly its necessary to atleast spare a thought ot two on that, so you are not cought offguard when the topic comes up.
Today I had been to pay our telephone bill, its generally not my job to do it, or rather I have assumed its my dad who does paying bill stuff, its only money I need to give him if he wants, but standing there in the queue was wondering, my dad as I have been told was extremely careless as a youngster, he never worried about anything, and was a lot more lazy as a teenager. I never got to see him that way, all I saw was this person who is to be asked for any matter related to house, and any errand regarding home is his job.
If you are wondering how that relates to marriage, here is what I think, its not commitment inside a relationship which people are afraid off, I guess when it comes to marriage, its the huge set of responsibilities which comes with them, which makes people think twice, so do I think I am ready to pay bills, take care of the house?. To be frank it
looks scary from here. May be its not that difficult, but for an outsider, its sounds like a lot of work.
Coming back to marriage as such, my friend had written. She thinks most of the arranged marriages nowadays end up being a disaster, and mostly end up in splits. I somehow don’t believe this is true, may be its too much of a generalization, but I guess, the opinion is more of the sorts I write on my other blog pure pursuits, its more of “my” view of what things are.
Typically in most Indian families, the marriage does mean, women moving into the guys family, and in most cases same house as his parents, so its just not a single relationship we are talking about, no not just 2 people, there are so many relationships a couple have to develop, and grow. I guess that’s where the compatibility and consensus comes into picture. I am not saying you have to chose someone even though she/he is not compatible with you, but best fit for the family, I am just saying those factors also matter a lot.
Its very important, whether you chose or your parents chose your partner, to make sure you have ideas well exchanged before the commitment. What is that you want, and what is other persons’ needs, and also the perceptions. I am not saying Love marriages are worse, I am just saying for a relationship to work there are so many other factors, and the love needs to help those factors and grow over time, otherwise it would end up in splits.
One question really hangs over me though, does it arranged marriages mean an arranged love?, or just an arrangement?, arrangement between two people for the lifetime, where they develop emotions as the time passes, love/hate/anger/happiness everything which is natural when two people live close to each other?. I guess its a lot like love marriages where only difference is the initial trigger, where may be one gets to live first few years of an arranged marriage before the marriage.
It might be just the placement of the event “Marriage” within the lifespan of the relationship which makes them either arranged/or the cliched ‘love marriage’, one has it placed at the beginning and the other somewhere in the middle.
Both are equally tough, equally challenging, equally failure prone, and equally enjoyable.
As of now, I guess I will stick to my belief “they are enjoyable 🙂 “.
What say guys??