Monthly Archives: November 2007

Patterns..

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Patterns, The topic had been on my mind for a long time this week, there are so much patterns around us, patterns in every aspect of life. It makes me remember one of the best movies I have seen in recent times “A beautiful mind”, the mind sees so many patterns.

Lets start with sounds, have you ever listened to trivial continuous sounds like the water dripping, or even a workman hitting something with an axe, or the sound of wind gushing when you are traveling in the train. While listening imagine some rhythm of sorts, and the random sounds seem fall exactly into the pattern, the strange thing is try to imagine a different rhythm and the sound tends to follow the other pattern too, don’t you feel this strange?

Even the mad traffic on the roads of Bangalore appear to have some patterns, firstly visually if you observe, the vehicles seem to travel more towards the center of the street, they keep going in a slightly slant direction, until or unless they come closer to the next vehicle, and the direction automatically gets slant in the opposite direction. Even in terms of numbers, I think Tuesdays always record the maximum peak hour jams. Mondays most of the people tend to be a little lazy at the beginning of the week and probably end up a little late, but Tuesdays they seem to get into heat of things, and more or less start on time, resulting in high peak hour traffic and  more slow moving traffic jams. Having doubts about this, check out next Tuesday.

Speaking of visual patterns, one thing which has catches my eye time and again are clouds, have you observed the patterns formed by them?, I mean sky is the limit when it comes to imagination, and every angle you look at, they tend to resemble different things, mostly I see animals when I look at the clouds. I do know that this is more of the state of mind, more like looking at the ink spots, which the doctors use to get more information of the state of mind, but when you look at these patterns be it clouds or ink spots, you are so damn convinced that the pattern you see is what the others will see too.

My mood too does follow patterns, may be I am not the only one with patterns, I normally begin the week with high enthusiasm which is always short lived, I kind of tend to become bored by Monday afternoon, which stretches till Tuesday end, Wednesday I am kind of looking forward to the weekend, thinking of some activity which I come up for the weekend, Wednesday and Thursday are spent mainly on thinking about the activity, Friday is mostly foodie day, where I concentrate more on the lunch which we go out to have, Friday evening I reach home early, and all my fizz for the weekend is gone, I hardly want to come out Saturday, I keep pushing all things to later Saturday or early Sunday, which I spend at home somehow, and Sunday evening I tend to crib that the weekend is over. so Again patterns here too.

Coming back to visual patterns, the ones I enjoy a lot are the ones formed on the surface of water when something falls on them, like either a hard substance like a pebble, the ripples that are formed are so soothing, almost like calming down the surface of the mind. Even with the oil or something falls on the water puddle on roads, the colors and patterns formed by them are also very fascinating.

World of patterns or patterns of world, both seem to fascinate me.

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Petting the wildness

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His eyes went deep red,
And voice raised to top,
As though a dragon was woken up,
As though a silent snake was rattled,
Inner animal getting exposed.

Rarity was turning into common.

He needed couple of deep breaths,
Calmness to clear his mind.

Can he do it?
he doubted.

Patience can pet any wildness.

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The prompt today over at “Totally optional prompts” was animals, since I am not so good with pets, nor a huge fan of animals, I just thought on the lines I could. so here it is.

Couple of good news…

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  • Permission at home, vacation approved at work, tickets booked, Decemeber end is what I am waiting for.
  • On totally unexpected front, spotted at 9:09 AM today in an Auto with number plate 9872 is the girl I referred to in “it happened“.
    Bad part was getting caught trying to confirm it was her, Damn I hate getting caught staring.
    Strange part, it was Thursday last time around too.

Easy to leave me with a mark- Heads or Tails #16

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The topic over at skittles this week for heads or tails is “mark”. I looked at the prompt and all I could think was the huge mark on my left knee left behind by an accident when I was very young, apart from that I hardly have any marks on my body. I have extremely sensitive skin which gets cut very easily, everytime I shave I have blood oozing out from my face, infact I get cuts sometimes even from paper edge from the book I am reading, but fortunately so far, I have extremely fast clotting time, and almost all of the times it does not leave behind any permanent marks.

Then I began to wonder, these marks are so trivial, the real marks are those which are left behind by people on me, and its so damn difficult to list them, because there have been so many. I really and truly get impressed by people very easily, and all of them leave a mark on my mind. I first thought I have some low self esteem or inferiority complex or something, but I think it is not true, I really don’t feel inferior, I feel competitive and genuinely want to learn the quality I get impressed with.

People whom I hate too leave a mark on me by impressing in some way. I tend to pick up something from them. For example every workplace has this thunder stealer, or someone whom you feel really does not deserve the accolades, or whom you think is dumb as a dodo but still is extremely successful. I too have same feeling about a person at my workplace, but the thing is I really admire his ability to manage information, with least amount of self capability he still can impress people sitting far from him. Sometimes makes me wonder, how such person, whom I hate so much,  leave a mark on me.

Consider the movie front, I watched Mumbai salsa on the weekend, almost a horrible movie, but again it did leave a mark on me. I liked the concept of non Indians specially people from far west and far east, really developed countries working in India, just like any of us. I think I would like this role reversal, where people realize the opportunities India has to offer, and try to work for India rather outside, not just Indians even foreigners too. See it did leave a mark on me, I am still thinking about a sorry movie, after almost two days.

The books I read are things which leave a big mark on my mind, specially the non fiction ones, which are real close to reality, be it happiness or sadness, I think It kind of makes me live the same, and most of the times leaving me with thoughts well beyond the book, I am not sure why this happens, but I tend to live the characters I read within me. I have been told and I myself have read this is very bad for a person to get involved so much in things he reads or watches, but there are things which one cannot change easily, to me getting impressed is one such,

Then I began to wonder, do I leave a mark on people’s minds, I am not so sure on this one, no I am not being modest here, I really don’t know how much of mark leaver I am. I haven’t noticed much of people observing some qualities of mine, hopefully there is an identity which I can claim of my own, something because of which I can leave a mark in other people’s minds.

Times when I wanted to write a letter…

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I still remember my first few days at school,
that feeling of not belonging,
the feeling of being thrown out into the world,
the hatred on reaching the gates,
the pain in seeing my teacher,
I so much wanted to let you know,
I so much wanted to write a letter.

I still remember my early fight with kids,
The occasional black eye,
The feeling of the “fight”
The feeling of winning
The happiness to stand up for something
The joy of defending someone,
I so much wanted to let you know,
I so much wanted to write a letter.

I still remember my first teenage crush,
The days spent in building courage,
The joy of sneaking glances,
The hope that never used to die down
The steps that never used to go forward,
The fun of letting the crush haunt yourself.
I so much wanted to let you know,
I so much wanted to write a letter.

I still remember my first wet dream,
The agony that were to follow,
The guilt that something went seriously wrong,
The Idea of being drawn towards a sin,
Discovering the growing me,
Realizing the change in hormones,
I so much wanted to let you know,
I so much wanted to write a letter.

I still remember those days from college,
With life at crossroads,
Not knowing what to choose,
More study or settle for a career,
There were no right answers, and no wrong ones too
Life had never been so confusing
What to choose and whom to choose
I so much wanted to let you know,
I so much wanted to write a letter.

I still remember those early days at work,
Being left disillusioned,
Is this what I had dreamed off?,
Creativity and intelligence thrown to utter waste,
Not knowing if there could be a better option,
Not trusting own self, if the step I took was right
Life had never been so stressful,
I so much wanted to let you know,
I so much wanted to write a letter.

 Now that I am at this stage,
With not much of questions to answer,
With not much of people to question,
is it the “time”, I tend to ask myself,
It is the right time, people tend to tell me,
So many things happening around you,
expectations changing about you,
I still have no clues,
I so much wanted to let you know,
I so much wanted to write a letter.

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Prompt this week over at writer’s island is “letter”. For the first time I am moving away from 55 charmers to normal form of poetry for writers island. Hope it turned out good enough.

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Random Randomness #47

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Random Memories:
This week being thanksgiving and Friday being the black Friday, kind of took my memories couple of years back. The very thanksgiving weekend was my vacation in LA, with couple of my friends. I remember roaming on Santa Monica beach on a thanksgiving day, with not many people around, Getting to Hollywood walk of fame, the sunset blvd and even the Chinese theater. One of my biggest dreams as a kid was to visit Disney, which I was able to satisfy on the black Friday. It is supposed to be the busiest day of the year at Disney World, we kind of reached there at 8:30/9 Am, and were present there till early morning 1 AM, the laser shows, the fireworks, and also the Night parades were something which I would never ever forget. Of course I had nice company with my good friend P and her husband. The next two days followed at Universal studios and some more beaches, a little shopping and a lot more fun.

The other memory with the vacation is my fiasco with the thanksgiving dinner, since most of the places were closed we ended up in the restaurant attached to the place where we were staying, it looked like a damn expensive place, but we were very tired to go out, so as we entered, I didn’t have much choice being vegetarian and all, so I ordered some Chinese dish, the only thing which I could spot vegetarian, it was supposed to be noodles with vegetables, it had some weird taste to it. The hostess at the diner, came couple of times to me to make sure I was liking it, me being nice and all was trying to pretend I like the dish, and my friend P could not stop giggling at my plight, finally I asked the hostess to make it to go, so that I could drop the dish in the trash on my way back to my room.

Random bookie:
After J.D Salinger’s “The catcher in the Rye“, started reading Harper Lee’s “To kill a mocking bird“, Around 100 pages into the book and I have to admit, the book has not caught on to me, still struggling to get interested. May be the genre I have got bored off. Its been long since I read one good non fiction, something like Tuesday’s with Morrie which I enjoyed reading so much, may be its time to read that again, or some other nice book. May be I should start reading a Richard Bach book.

Random gusts of self disgust:
Its been that week, where you tend to feel disgusted at yourself, so many times where I have fallen short of my own expectations, no I really don’t expect too much out of me, even small things seemed to bother me a lot this week, thoughts of my own hypocrisies, my inability to make myself happy seem to bother me a lot. I just got to break free, break free of all this, I am still hoping on a possible year end vacation which I am planning. Also wants of picking up new stuff, may be a hobby, or a new friend, or even an activity is very high on mind.

Random acts of concern:
I would like to thank so many people for their kind concern. My relatives who with a little information that I was not feeling that well came to my house to see me all last weekend, people from far distances can visit you over a stupid fever, that is a great feeling to have, knowing their concern, and I am sure it was genuine ones.
My friends who did ask me how I was feeling and all, all these gestures may look small, but to me it meant a lot. All you guys out here in the blog world, thanks so much for the concern, for all the those kind emails, kind comments and concern shown to Rambler. I am really thankful to all you guys.

Random humor:
These days weekends seem to be huge problem at home, whoever visits us seem to have only question, when I am going to say yes for marriage, and they can start the hunt. I am really not sure what pleasure people derive in hunting for girls/boys once the person reaches a particular age. Personally I still am not sure if this is the right age, but they seem to think I am almost an year past the right age. The best part of all this is when I say I need atleast an year more, they get almost convinced I am seeing someone. No they are not opposed to the idea, they just want to meet the non existent person, now they have concluded that she too is 81 born and and has her birthday in November.As soon as I heard this I could not control my laughter, to which my aunt concluded that I am hiding something, because I am not even denying. I am sorry guys I am finding all this really amusing, My cousin now has taken up the challenge of finding out about the November girl without my help :).

Random places to meet new people:
With changes to Bangalore city, the corporate culture, the metro sexual image, the bars and diners, places where people meet in Bangalore has changed so much. Few years back, If I were supposed to meet a friend, I would asked them to either drop in at home, or even in front of the school/college we shared in common, or some place like well known landmark. Now its more like a well known cafe which we shared, or the iconic malls “The forum” or “Garuda”. My favorite place to meet would definitely a nice food place or the book store Landmark or even a park bench. All this made me think , we change so much, so do our preferences, but then its so difficult to change yourself as a person.