X^2 + Y^2 = Z^2

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I am always intrigued by interpersonal relationships, they are so fascinating. No I am not talking about the big relationships everyone goes through. I am talking about simple unestablished, undefined, simpler but really intriguing equations which we develop with various people we know or in most cases we don’t even know. Lets keep the gender out of the discussion here, the person might be same or of opposite sex. Just the interpersonal equations are what I am trying to talk about.

Lets consider a person we meet in a bar, You have never met the person before, and we are almost sure in high probability that we will never meet again, but still in the short period you spend with him/her over a drink, you share so much, There is family involved in the discussion, profession, problems, solutions, fun, entertainment, advice and so much more. Within an hour or so, you talk so much and share so much, you would have hardly done that much of sharing with your own family in past one month. Still the very next day, the person will be as anonymous to you, as he/she was before you met them. Now isn’t this interesting, how you can get friendly for such a short time, and never meet the person again.

Lets talk about a person whom we only hear over the telephone, say an telephone operator, we would have heard the person so many times on the phone, the time you spend asking him to connect to another person would have been much more than the number of times you would have said Hi to your neighbor. But then thats the end of this equation, even though you speak so many times a day, you hardly exchange anything, there is hardly any involvement, not any exchange of information. Next time you pass the person you cant even identify that he is the person whom you were speaking to a little while ago. isn’t this fascinating, people from both the sides not caring about the “person” each one is speaking to.

Lets consider someone from the blog world, all of us out here, we give so much of information about ourselves, we interact so much, we discuss, we share ideas, we also develop passion towards fellow blogger’s writing, we care when one amongst us falls ill, we also try to help each other out in strange ways. But still in a way we don’t know each other at all, I hardly know how X Y or Z is in real life, but I know X had pizza for lunch, Y has a problem with her health, Z has to work over the weekend. Its such a nice equation, I really don’t know how to describe, a thing which we develop reading what a person has to say for such long time. There are so many blogs which I am reading from more than an year, and I have almost seen them change, move in and out of real relationships, change jobs, learn stuff. Its just amazingly wonderful.

Lets talk about people we see very often, and the equation just ends there. Say people whom we see at work, you would have seen them so many times at the workplace, in the cafe, in the hallway and so on, you see them and you think in your head, “ah!, this guy, he comes to cafe everyday at this time itself” or “Oh, this female, I think she always wears black to work”. But then thats it. It hardly changes, they will always be the people we have seen. People from traffic for that matter, people who work in close areas, with similar work timing, cross each other so often, at the bus stop, or at the intersection, you always see them. The face becomes so part of your life, but the person you have no clue about. We dont ever feel the need to go and learn more about the person.

Lets talk about a friend, I think this is one of the most misused or overused term in the english language, everyone you know is never a “friend”, or thats what I believe, and one more thing is not every friend is just a friend. We try to look for so many persons within our friends, activity partner, A person who can console us when we are down, sometimes a sister or a brother who can protect/nurture you, so many things, you in fact share things which your parents too don’t know about you, in fact in many occasions you yourself would have not observed the things your mate observes you. Some times they turn out to be just excellent gifts in your life, and sometimes things which are so nice can end up in bitterness within no time, misunderstandings can destroy something which you thought can never be shaken. Again the equations between friends can be so very fascinating.

Lets consider the other relations in one’s life, something which I call by birth relations, people who are your cousins, brothers, aunts, uncles, and so on. Even amongst them there is always different equations, some you feel so compatible with, very close, and mean a lot to you, on the other hand others even though might be very close in terms of relationship but then you don’t have anything in common with, or you feel uneasy around them. Some people are so fairly related to you, that you just meet them in a marriage or another ceremony, you talk for few minutes, and you hit it off, you call them up, go out for dinner together, and within no time, the visits increase, and a relationship which is very distant by blood would have become very close by heart. A person who you are supposed to meet once in a way, you meet them almost every other day, talk to them every day, you become close to their children, they get attracted to yours, you help each other out.. and then you have absolutely no name for the equation.

There it is, the main culprit, we always try to name a relationship, siblings, cousins, parents, boyfriend/girlfriend, and so on, If we see normally we have so many beautiful undefined relationships in our life, we just got to learn to enjoy them the way they come.
Why, Why do we always try to slot them in a relation.

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I had written something similar to this about relations some time back
Virtually related

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11 responses »

  1. “If we see normally we have so many beautiful undefined relationships in our life, we just got to learn to enjoy them the way they come.” this my friend is what is called “cooking” without a recipe, or equation. Seeing people this way is one way to add spice, adventure, and the element of the unknown to what we think is mundane. Great post Rambler.

    Lea,
    Actually it was not about adding spice, or may be I did not mean it that way. I was just fascinated with various kind of equations we share, places where we share so much in common and spend loads of time sharing important things in life, and in certain other equations we hardly exchange information. Still everyday I see someone/meet someone I discover something new in the equations we share with them. Its fun isn’t it?
    -Rambler

  2. in my opinion at least,, it just goes to show the humans desire not to remain ambiguous,, they want to clue you in as to their own interpretation of who they are…

    when dealing with closer more personal relationships,, those people are being afforded the opportunity to know you,, and form their own opinions of who you are,,, not so in the casual aquaintence…

    as far as the receptionists,, operators,, store clerks,, bloggers and who ever i come in contact with on a regular basis… i talk to them like we are old friends… it is just people that want to get close to me,, that i cut off…..

    Paisley,
    Its not just about ambiguity isnt it?, we do have so many well defined relations too, its just the variety which has fascinated me.
    Well we differ so much when it comes to people who want to get close to us, I put a strong guard, but not to push them off, just to filter people who get there.
    -Rambler

  3. I wanted to say a little more here, been thinking about what you wrote all morning, your ending question, and some of what Paisley had to say…

    I also think that people slot others into “formulas” or specific relations because some need to see their own reflection in others. This is in casual relationships, familial, and even in bloglandia. If there is a formula, then their is no ambiguity, or spice that I commented on earlier. That unknown can be just too vulnerable and scary for some.

    I really like where these musing have taken me. Thanks again!

    Lea,
    exactly Lea, there are so many kinds when it comes to relations and interactions..it really amuses me every time I think about this subject.
    -Rambler

  4. What a wonderful post! And well written too. I think about such things too and I’m going to come back and write a proper comment, right now have to rush somewhere.

    Nita,
    Will wait for your response 🙂
    -Rambler

  5. Here I am again. Well, I agree that it’s best to leave some relationships undefined and enjoy them as they are, enjoy them even if they seem transitory. However the minute we name relationships they seem to taken on a permanency and perhaps that is why we like to name them, for some sort of security.

    Nita
    I think I would love the name my relationships too, but then there are so many things which don’t qualify as a relation, would it mean we enjoy them less?
    For example lets consider the one which we both share as bloggers, what would you name it?,
    Sometimes I feel stupid to think about these things. 🙂
    -Rambler

  6. i guess life is easier when you can name the relationship, just to make it certain. that way nobody gets hurt, i guess.

    Jos
    Life is never easy, nor it is difficult, its just life.
    We name it/ dont name it, its so dependent on that particular relations/equation. This uniqueness about them is what fascinated me.
    -Rambler

  7. Oh you are a philosopher rambler I enjoyed this post. I think when we are in a distant relationship than we have nothing to loose and can show more of ourselves. When we are at home they now us and will argue with or concept
    of who we are or wish to be. They haave to live with our “bad side”

    That again is a fascinating point of equations Marja, do you think everyone close to use know about all out bad sides?, dont we all have a little mask on us with each of the people?
    -Rambler

  8. Its better not to find names to such short lived relationships. People you meet on blogs, office, en route to office, weddings and other spots messemerize you, piss you off and some manage to leave you neutral.

    And the way ppl look at such casual liasions depends the situation he is in. if a young single dude or dudette goes to a wedding or new joinee in the office, then he s for sure lookin for someone to be his long term mate…..

    It all depends on person how he / she looks it at the casual liasions…for the record, i dont look much into people who i know aint going to matter much later on, say whom u meet in trains, buses, flights or even the office joinees!!!

    Ashu,
    So many new things these provide don’t they, just like various paths to a puzzle. personally I do not like casual liasons, but there are so many things which between people, just very fascinating.
    -Rambler

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  10. All this and you ask me why I say its a sensitive blog? 🙂
    Beautiful post!

    All relationships do not need a name. In fact, there are some that may not last if you tag it with a name.
    You know what I really think, the people we jus click with, ,(like its said in Many Lives Many Masters) they have something to do with our previous lives.
    I dunno if u’d buy that but I pretty much b’live thats true.

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