She began her walk on the railway track, with her eyes lost in the skies, and with an expression on her face which only she could decipher. Not that she did not know where she was going to. She did know that, but she had no clue about her destination.
It was not new to her, the track she had been on, was not always smooth, there were problems before, she did travel many a path where she just knew what was her immediate stop, and she did not care about her destination. She always had her confidence by her side, she knew that even if she reaches a dead end, she was sure she would carve out a path and a walk towards the unknown new destination,
She thought about her times with hash and coke, the pleasure she seemed to desire, the days where she had felt bliss, a feeling of being one with her destiny. She had enjoyed every minute of it, and she had no regrets, but she did walk out of it, she did say no the painful pleasure, it was just her confidence and will.
She remembered those days, where she missed sun for weeks together,those days she had almost forgotten what a sober body of her felt like, the highs she reached with those bottomless drinks was something which she could not get back even if she spends thousands of dollars. Was she sad then? she wondered.. nope she was not, she had no place for sorrow, she never had place for it.
She relived those days on the streets, where she let the people abuse her body beyond antibody’s imagination. Things she had done for people for something as useless as money, useless because she had never cared for it. She just lived to “live”, to experience. Still she had no regrets, she had no worries.
Is it the age?, is it the subconscious fear of losing the unknown which had made her lose confidence.. she did not know the answer. She never thought about her loneliness, she did not have to, she knew people would want her. Couple of gray hair she had, or the sag she noticed down her chest, or even the lesser number of turning heads as she walked, was that bothering her so much?, so much as to change what she looked for?.
Was it just the time?, one day she had to come terms with it, and had that time come?, Again she had no answer, She saw the sun raise at the same time, and the winter set in on the same month, and a decade was still 10 years long. So what was that she was thinking about, what did happen?