I am stuck with this thought for about a week now, last Sunday as I was lying down on my bed I got a sudden urge of wanting to live in isolation for about a month, you know just out of the house, with no one to answer to, no one to help you out, where “you” have to do everything, just “you”.

That thought made me realize how I go through these phases where I want to be alone for weeks together, and then come back to my normal non existent, miniscule social life. Last three weekends were one of the most isolated weekends I have had, where I have done absolutely nothing, except reading books and writing blogs. At the end of three weekends I kind of drifted into this wanting to be more alone phase.

I wonder why I hate, to go out and enjoy. Why do I prefer to be with myself?. It’s not something which I have developed lately, I have to admit that the frequency and time for which the phase lasts has increased a lot. I remember days in my childhood where I used to have an excellent summer with a bunch of cousins, and almost at the end of it every year yearn for a week or so of alone time at home. It’s not like I do not want to go out at all, there have been days when I feel like wanting to chat with someone, may be over coffee, or over dinner, or a nice buffet lunch. There are days when I want someone to go to movies with, or more often to discuss a book I am reading. But most of these are short-lived, and then I fall back to my lonely time.

I always assumed lack of proper company is the reason for my behavior, I saw many of my cousins getting to live with their brothers/sisters, also all of them having many friends outside the family as well. I thought that since I do not have such kind of social life, I might be resorting to liking alone time. We get to read so many books on people who have distanced themselves from the world, who strain their mind with too much of imagination, I think somewhere I felt I am fast getting into that league, or may be it is one of those feelings which you get when you read symptoms of a disease. I mean whenever I read about a disease, I tend to match the symptoms with what’s happening with me, and invariably we find some of symptoms matching.

Coming back to the topic of phases, I am currently in that border of coming back to my social life, I mean last weekend I wanted to take a month off and book a cottage in some remote village, and spend some time alone. But today I want to get out, have a delicious dinner in one of my favorite places, with couple of my cousins, and may be a movie this weekend; I have been wanting to watch a kannada movie for quite some time now.

Do you ever go through these phases?.



P.S Guys, I was so held up at work last week that I could not even post from wednesday  guys if anybody from work reading this, please consider my blog before setting up late evening meetings. Unfortunately I have lost internet connection at home so from friday I was totally out of connection to the outside world. I need to get a new broadband connection to work, that would mean a lot of my online time washed out. Hope to catch on more writing and reading in days to come.


11 responses »

  1. I went through a phase like this during my teenage years…maybe from around 14-17. This was partly because my friends lived far away from my home, and also because I lived in a neigbourhood which had very conservative people who would look askance at me because I wore jeans and short tops. More and more I found myself retreating into my shell but I was fine at school. I got out of this phase when I joined college and met people of my kind whom I felt comfortable with and who accepted me for who I was. I find it difficult to pretend to be someone I am not. I think I am right in not pretending, because people who pretend never make real friends. I can never relate to pretenders either, because one never knows who they really are.

    Nita, dissimilarity can make one go into shell, you are right..

  2. I Don’t even have my two cents to tell you on this. Probably because I am much more loner than you with zero amount of social life. Over the period I have realized nothing can beat the company of real good life partner. That’s all I have 🙂

    BlueMist, what do you mean by loner?.. sorry too many meanings in there.

  3. Adding to above said; I don’t regret to have no social circle or small circle. I prefer to have few good people around than a bunch of crap fools spoiling your time and life.

    BlueMist.. I think I too end up having very few people around me.

  4. When I was young I didn’t want to be alone but now it is very precious to me and I think there is nothing wrong with it as long as it is your choice. I sometimes also have the urge to adventure but than pull back after a while.
    Many in my family are strongwilled people who prefer to go their own way and who are not sheep or followers. That makes us a bit outsiders sometimes but it also makes our lives interesting I think.

    Marja, I think I too end up trying the adventure and then getting out of it 🙂

  5. sigh…i go through this sometimes and it is more frusttaring cos i know i can’t do it…so i try to leave the kids with hubby and spend some time by myself…it works…for me it is the need to have some ‘I, me myself’ moments…..

    TA, so I am not alone 🙂

  6. I’m always like that…lol
    I end up doing what thinking aloud does but there are times where even just the family would be nice. As homeschoolers we have a HUGE social life and sometimes I just want the whole family to take a step out of it all and be on a remote island for a long time. My favourite times are right after we move (which has been a lot as you know from my blog) cuz we don’t know anybody at first and we get a month of unpacking and ‘just us’ before reaching out for all the activities, groups, clubs, etc….I love that month 😀
    I guess I socialize cuz of the kids, if I didn’t have any, I’d be a hermit and quite content at that. :p

    JJ, ah Hermit, now you made me think on that …

  7. Can understand oh so well, what this alone time means….I long for it on days…but I know the moment I try it, i’m longing for the kids back….
    It could be the restless Libran in me.. 😦

    prats, guess people seem to be always in the dilemma, alone or not 🙂

  8. Haha.. hope the folks from work listen.. I was wondering what happened to you!!
    As for the phases.. did you read about that in my Peek-a-boo? I go through such phases too 🙂

    I did read your peek-a-boo post preethi.. I guess we do need our space now

  9. i go thru these phases all the time. some weekends, all i want is to be alone (after a hectic week) some weekends (after a slow week), all i want is to go out and meet people. it’s pretty normal for me, i guess. sometimes, when i really feel like being alone, i even switch off my cellphone just so no one can reach me. that definitely calms me down.

    Jos, I feel so good to see I am not the only one 🙂

  10. i live that reality.. i spend three days 8 hours a day at work… other than that i am alone… if i am not alone for the entirety of that time,, i feel cheated thrown off even angry… i am begining to wonder if i am abnormal… but i truly do not want to be around anyone ever.. if i could not work,, or work from home i would… hmmmmmmm strange coming from a girl that spent 30 odd years living to party huh????

    I guess it would be fun to discuss this more with you.

  11. Lets leave it at that w/o decoding it furhtur 😀 ….or shall I say I let you keep guessing 😉

    I think I will choose the latter 🙂

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