I am stuck with this thought for about a week now, last Sunday as I was lying down on my bed I got a sudden urge of wanting to live in isolation for about a month, you know just out of the house, with no one to answer to, no one to help you out, where “you” have to do everything, just “you”.
That thought made me realize how I go through these phases where I want to be alone for weeks together, and then come back to my normal non existent, miniscule social life. Last three weekends were one of the most isolated weekends I have had, where I have done absolutely nothing, except reading books and writing blogs. At the end of three weekends I kind of drifted into this wanting to be more alone phase.
I wonder why I hate, to go out and enjoy. Why do I prefer to be with myself?. It’s not something which I have developed lately, I have to admit that the frequency and time for which the phase lasts has increased a lot. I remember days in my childhood where I used to have an excellent summer with a bunch of cousins, and almost at the end of it every year yearn for a week or so of alone time at home. It’s not like I do not want to go out at all, there have been days when I feel like wanting to chat with someone, may be over coffee, or over dinner, or a nice buffet lunch. There are days when I want someone to go to movies with, or more often to discuss a book I am reading. But most of these are short-lived, and then I fall back to my lonely time.
I always assumed lack of proper company is the reason for my behavior, I saw many of my cousins getting to live with their brothers/sisters, also all of them having many friends outside the family as well. I thought that since I do not have such kind of social life, I might be resorting to liking alone time. We get to read so many books on people who have distanced themselves from the world, who strain their mind with too much of imagination, I think somewhere I felt I am fast getting into that league, or may be it is one of those feelings which you get when you read symptoms of a disease. I mean whenever I read about a disease, I tend to match the symptoms with what’s happening with me, and invariably we find some of symptoms matching.
Coming back to the topic of phases, I am currently in that border of coming back to my social life, I mean last weekend I wanted to take a month off and book a cottage in some remote village, and spend some time alone. But today I want to get out, have a delicious dinner in one of my favorite places, with couple of my cousins, and may be a movie this weekend; I have been wanting to watch a kannada movie for quite some time now.
Do you ever go through these phases?.
P.S Guys, I was so held up at work last week that I could not even post from wednesday guys if anybody from work reading this, please consider my blog before setting up late evening meetings. Unfortunately I have lost internet connection at home so from friday I was totally out of connection to the outside world. I need to get a new broadband connection to work, that would mean a lot of my online time washed out. Hope to catch on more writing and reading in days to come.