Traffic Signal

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The highway was empty as far as he could he see, he held the steering wheel as firmly as he could, with his eyes gazing upon the imaginary horizon made by the long highway. A light could be spotted at a far distance, it appeared to be a coming from a traffic signal. His eyes were darkish in color, they seem to be reminiscent of the sleepless nights he had had. He had no tears in his eyes, it did not seem to have dried up, he had his usual numb face on, but one could see the disappointment, one could spot the signs of anger, one could see the emotion waiting to burst open. Still with a numb face on. The speed to which his car was reaching, must the highest he would have touched in years, he was driving as though there was no tomorrow.

The images from the showdown he had with Tina were flashing before his eyes. It was not new to him, they had fought about the same issue many a times, and today was not much different. He seem to be drawing blank reliving the scene, and he could feel his throat drying up, as he remembered the exact words that were exchanged. Coming from Tina, the only person who mattered to him, made the matters worse.

Tina had said No, yet again, she had refused to marry him yet again, he had done everything he could to make her think over her decision, with a lot of hope that she would reconsider his request. Tina had moved in with him three years back, their relationship had made many a heads turn, and both were proud of the dignified way in which they had carried off their relationship so far. Tina was adamant as ever, she did not want to marry, and he failed to understand her reason behind this. Tina knew him very well, she must have had absolutely no worry about her independence being hampered, she needn’t worry about her career either, he was a thorough gentleman who respected a woman the way she should be, he did not have any family either, so she had no fears of in-laws as well. He was exhausted trying to come up with possible reasons as to why said no. It was beyond his imagination.

Tina shared her every feeling with him, every emotion she felt was shared with him, and they could read each others mind in most of the circumstances, but for this situation. Tina seem to be hiding some fear, some doubt, some insecurity, some hidden secret, forcing herself to say no. Tina had been a hard working, career woman for long wanting to reach levels of success which always eluded her. She had let him know at times how much she feared loosing her career, losing the legacy which she had struggled to build up, fears she had about how her routine would change about work, and kids she feared the most. Every time she had come out with this fear, like any responsible person he had tried to reason out how normal family life is, and trying to let her know of the cold feet she has been having, but nothing seem to satisfy her.

He really did not need this he thought, he did think about the break up, wanting to look outside and see if he can get what he is looking for, a little more commitment, and the sanctity of marriage he now seemed to be obsessed with. He also knew the breakup would leave both of them devastated, its not something time pass the two shared, they really cared for each other.

Every time he had these sessions with himself, post the heavy showdown with Tina he went through three phases, He always began with telling himself, it was time for him to take an action, to ask her to move out, spare himself of all these pains he has to go through often, for once get rid of this never ending saga of heartbreaks. He never considered himself to be wrong in asking for the next step in their relationship. He would then move on to a second phase where he thought, may be she was right, may be their careers would get affected, may be they were best this way, with no tags attached, loving each other the way they were. May be they were meant to be this way, together.

The traffic signal which seemed way distant from him, was now just yards away, as though life had given him the signal he was looking for. He was close to his usual third phase, where he would take action as always. The traffic junction came by, and at the junction he spun his car around for a U turn and headed back to his place, back to his Tina

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4 responses »

  1. Wow. Seriously deep. In my experience, it’s always the men that fear marriage. Change in any form can certainly scare the most loving, rational person. This was a wonderful post.

    Autumn..the times have changed..world has finally turned towards unisex..
    -Rambler

  2. maybe he needs to think why the marriage bit is so important for him….commitment can never be measured by a piece of paper…

    DC, may be thats what tilted his decion towards the turn back, but commitment can never be measured by a piece of paper, but may be it was more about the lack of it, or fear of it which irked him
    -Rambler

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