A cold shower

Standard

Waking up,
To a cold morning,
He dragged his lifeless body around,
In search of little warmth,
In search of that comfort,
In search of a little life.

Standing under the shower,
Turned the knob of hope.

Drops of cold water,
Splashing onto his naked skin,
chill biting into his cold,
A triumph through numbness.

————————————————————————–

Prompt over at writer’s Island this week is “Triumph” and “Survivor”, and I kind of attempted a mixture of both, and in my favorite 55 word format.

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20 responses »

  1. The ending was unexpected – more cold ‘biting into’ his own cold and the fact that he could feel it at all counting as a triumph.I like writing to a short word count. It gives your work force.

    watermaid..
    He kind of considers the dismissal of his want of warmth, life as his triumph
    -Rambler

  2. Liked the lines “Turned the knob of Hope”
    and “chill biting into his cold,
    A triumph through numbness.”

    Could actually sense the tingle of renewed sensation !!
    Great images here.. unusual take on the two prompts.

    Thanks for your visit.

    actually when I wrote.. I too like the line chill biting into his cld..
    hmm more of renewed, this was meant to his destruction of wants
    -Rambler

  3. Whew, this is special! The metaphor used is refreshing, but the emotion concealed between the lines are moving. The very personal sentiments you laid in this poem are tickets to give your readers port of entry to your heart.

    I wish you well.

    ~ Jeques

    Jeques..I liked what you said about emotions :)..well it was meant to be fiction 🙂
    -Rambler

  4. I guess there are some people who would rather be numb than living. Well done!

    Tammy..some times frustration and failure does it to people
    -Rambler

  5. well i know i would feel like a survivor if i had a cold shower on a cold morning… but i thin k i just might go without first!!!!!

    paisley.. I wish you never have to take a cold shower..not even face a cold morning
    -Rambler

  6. ‘He dragged his lifeless body around,
    In search of little warmth,
    In search of that comfort,
    In search of a little life.’

    I loved these lines. I’ve so been there, searching for comfort, warmth, and life. This is a wonderful poem. Thanks for sharing.

    Thanks Jane
    -Rambler

  7. This is great, almost feel like you are stating that the tougher it got, the more determined he was
    Or it was just referring to getting out of bed on a cold morning 😀

    CR.. well its was neither of the two.. it was more about tougher it got, he just kept extinguishing the want with the cold numbness…stiffening the wall more and more
    -Rambler

  8. Must feel really good to be able to endure a cold shower … me I would’ve jumped and run 🙂

    Fenny..sometime frustration does this to people 🙂
    -Rambler

  9. Is there some undelying meaning in this? I am not getting exactly what you want to say……………I am feeling that whatever I have understood is wrong. Is is like this, if we give more pain to us, the original pain will go? I like these lines…………”In search of…………….little life”. It is amazing. I am happy to know that the person here knows what is wants and for this he acts also.
    hmmmmmmmmm………..may be I am becoming more philosophical……..opps!

    Bless You………~Namaste~ Nidhi

    hmm Nidhi.. may be I was not clear enough..this was more about dismissing..extinguishing ones want for warmth, life etc..more like trying to forget by trying to be numb
    -Rambler

  10. pretty well written … read it twice over .. till it sank in ..
    you have a way with words ..
    but then as tammy said it .. some people would rather be numb ..
    and the last line is “perfection”…..

    Thanks BB, hmm yeah some people want to beat it with numbness
    -Rambler

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