As a kid when I passed by an icecream shop I was drawn to it, I wanted one cone, I never felt bad that I wanted something, I have never dismissed my wants, I have always wanted them passionately, and I have never dismissed my passion, infact I have been proud of my passion for things. But passion can easily grow into envy and then to jealousy. Traditionally both envy and jealousy have been termed bad, people are told be beware of those to feelings, and told to guard themselves away from them.
Theoretically I agree that jealousy is an extreme feeling, and generally harm people who get into it. But isn’t jealousy a very common emotion?, just like you feel happy/sad/angry naturally, you also feel jealous too isn’t it?. If you guys have much self control over emotions that you have never envied anything/anyone than may be I am a very less of a human being. I do envy things, I do envy people, and sometimes I do feel jealous.
As a man in his quarter life, I am on the look our for many things, yep I finally have broken out from the quarter life crisis, not knowing what I want, suddenly things I want seem to be falling into place. I am no saint, I have materialistic things on my list to work for, and also non materialistic things. So now that I know what I want, I am working towards them, some with immediate actions, some with a plan, and some just waiting to have in future. These things amazingly prioritize themselves too, I mean some I seem to want a lot more, and hoping that they happen somehow, and most of them fall into the last category, I mean my wants for the future, which directly I may not have control over, and some which I can do my efforts and have no control on the outcome. Some are really materialistic, and I am surprised I want to have them because there was a time I loathed people who went after them
Over last few months, one of such wants is making me envious. I do not have the word power to express what is it that’s making me envy some, infact every time I get the feeling I am feeling a little bit of envy, I am unknowingly getting disgusted at myself, and driving me out of the scene, making sure I don’t get to listen/view or discuss the matter, and the sad part is that people involved, even though they do not know about it, secretly I have a fear that I may begin to dislike them, like the way its illustrated in all possible media, the rift formed by envy/jealousy. I fear what If I get into that groove.
Jealousy is always considered to be self centric, a selfish act which helps no one, but if you do not think about the extremes, it does help people to work with a better zeal towards the goal, when I grew envious of the kid who used to top the class always, I struggled for 3 full years to topple her at the top. It has not always been bad to me, and I know that, but then why do I fear now?, why am I afraid of my envy?.
When the thought of writing something on my jealousy came up first thing I did was to look up at wikipedia. And I was surprised at their definition and also their distinction between envy and jealousy
Jealousy : “Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival”
Envy:“Envy may be defined as an emotion that “occurs when a person lacks another’s superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it.”
“Jealousy concerns something one has and is afraid of losing, while envy concerns something one does not have and either he wants to acquire (nonmalicious envy) or he wants the other(s) not to have (malicious envy)”
After going through this I realize, I have never used the word properly, may be going by this definition I am not jealous, I may be lot more envious.
As usual I am left with a lot of questions at the end.
Is a feeling of envy/jealous normal?,
Is it normal if you end up feeling a little envious about things you want badly for you?,
Does it always indicate desperation?,
Does one need to panic when he feels he is feeling a little envy,?
How does one get himself out of it?, is avoiding a good solution for it, if at all this is a problem?,
Do you feel envy/jealous at times?.