The J talk


As a kid when I passed by an icecream shop I was drawn to it, I wanted one cone, I never felt bad that I wanted something, I have never dismissed my wants, I have always wanted them passionately, and I have never dismissed my passion, infact I have been proud of my passion for things. But passion can easily grow into envy and then to jealousy. Traditionally both envy and jealousy have been termed bad, people are told be beware of those to feelings, and told to guard themselves away from them.

Theoretically I agree that jealousy is an extreme feeling, and generally harm people who get into it. But isn’t jealousy a very common emotion?, just like you feel happy/sad/angry naturally, you also feel jealous too isn’t it?. If you guys have much self control over emotions that you have never envied anything/anyone than may be I am a very less of a human being. I do envy things, I do envy people, and sometimes I do feel jealous.

As a man in his quarter life, I am on the look our for many things, yep I finally have broken out from the quarter life crisis, not knowing what I want, suddenly things I want seem to be falling into place. I am no saint, I have materialistic things on my list to work for, and also non materialistic things. So now that I know what I want, I am working towards them, some with immediate actions, some with a plan, and some just waiting to have in future. These things amazingly prioritize themselves too, I mean some I seem to want a lot more, and hoping that they happen somehow, and most of them fall into the last category, I mean my wants for the future, which directly I may not have control over, and some which I can do my efforts and have no control on the outcome. Some are really materialistic, and I am surprised I want to have them because there was a time I loathed people who went after them

Over last few months, one of such wants is making me envious. I do not have the word power to express what is it that’s making me envy some, infact every time I get the feeling I am feeling a little bit of envy, I am unknowingly getting disgusted at myself, and driving me out of the scene, making sure I don’t get to listen/view or discuss the matter, and the sad part is that people involved, even though they do not know about it, secretly I have a fear that I may begin to dislike them, like the way its illustrated in all possible media, the rift formed by envy/jealousy. I fear what If I get into that groove.

Jealousy is always considered to be self centric, a selfish act which helps no one, but if you do not think about the extremes, it does help people to work with a better zeal towards the goal, when I grew envious of the kid who used to top the class always, I struggled for 3 full years to topple her at the top. It has not always been bad to me, and I know that, but then why do I fear now?, why am I afraid of my envy?.

When the thought of writing something on my jealousy came up first thing I did was to look up at wikipedia. And I was surprised at their definition and also their distinction between envy and jealousy
Jealousy : “Jealousy typically refers to the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that occur when a person believes a valued relationship is being threatened by a rival
Envy:“Envy may be defined as an emotion that “occurs when a person lacks another’s superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it.
“Jealousy concerns something one has and is afraid of losing, while envy concerns something one does not have and either he wants to acquire (nonmalicious envy) or he wants the other(s) not to have (malicious envy)”

After going through this I realize, I have never used the word properly, may be going by this definition I am not jealous, I may be lot more envious.

As usual I am left with a lot of questions at the end.
Is a feeling of envy/jealous normal?,

Is it normal if you end up feeling a little envious about things you want badly for you?,

Does it always indicate desperation?,

Does one need to panic when he feels he is feeling a little envy,?

How does one get himself out of it?, is avoiding a good solution for it, if at all this is a problem?,

Do you feel envy/jealous at times?.


10 responses »

  1. This was one emotion which was a stranger to me although I saw it all around me, so I guess you shouldn’t worry if you feel pangs of envy! In fact I thought something was wrong with me because I didn’t. In fact people may not even believe me if I say I have never felt envy towards anyone. But I know I haven’t and I have analysed it. I think what brings on envy is ego and I think I don’t have that…in the sense of an ego bigger than myself. Ego should be present but only as big as oneself. Envy automatically comes when ego and actual worth of self doesn’t match.
    For example if I see a better piece of writing than mine, I think:
    This person writes better than me. What is it about this person’s writing that is superior?
    Well, that is just an example.
    My mom is like me and I think I have got it from her.
    On the other hand I have had a lot of envy directed at me. That has only strengthened my resolve never to let this ugly creature into my system. Because people think their envy remains within their own self…but it doesn’t. It comes out in snide remarks, attacks and whatever.
    Envy can be seen with just one look…and frankly I think it needs to be controlled. If one feels even a little of it, one needs to get one’s rational mind working. One needs to wake up. One needs to ask oneself: Why am I envying that person? Could it be because I imagine that I deserve what he has?
    Lets look at our own shoes and try to fill them the best we can.
    Sorry if this sounds like I don’t have faults….I have plenty of them! 🙂 Its just the bitter couple of envy and jealousy are not a part of me and never will be.

    Its good Nita you do not feel envy nor jealousy, may be you are blessed with a very good soul, somehow I seem to envy at times, and feel a little disgusted at self for getting that emotion.
    I do not agree on the ego part, envy sometimes come with ego agreed not always..many times envy comes with losing of self confidence and some times strong motivation

  2. From my earliest childhood, living in a poor neighborhood & going to school with richer children, I’ve known envy & jealousy. To this day, I feel the emotions on a daily basis, towards people who have children since mine were taken away. I believe that if you let it consume you, as with any emotion “positive” or “negative,” it’s unhealthy. But it is human. What I usually do when it’s getting too strong is to think to myself “Oh, well, my day will come.” That “day” being when I get what I want, or forgetting that I ever wanted it in the first place.

    Autumn sorry to hear about the children part..I agree with you any emotion, both good or bad should not be allowed to consume you, however I think its very natural for people to let them consume the selves. may be a little bit of enjoying the happy occasions or a feeling a little down in the sadder ones.

  3. I really don’t feel jealous of anyone. Sometimes I’d like things to be easier in my life and I feel a bit resentful towards the people who seem to have everything fall in their lap, without a care in the world. I’ve lived long enough though to realise, things are not always what they seem. Some of the ‘haves’ really don’t have that much, when all is said and done. I have green eyes but I am not overwhelmed by the ‘green eyed’ monster LOL.

    I really liked the way you composed your comment. may be I need to live a little long to realize 🙂

  4. Thanks I didn’t know that there was a distinction between envy and jealousy.
    I think everybody mixes them up. I’ve felt at times envy. I think it is a normal human emotion. I learned to rationalise everything which helps. Like the grass seems always greener on the other side.
    I think having an emotion is not important but the way you deal with it . You already have the awareness what’s needed. Next you can step back and figure out the best way to deal with it.

    Liked your statement on how we deal with emotions, and I don’t know if I am dealing with it well, currently I am avoiding which does not appeal to me a lot

  5. This richly deserves to be included in the text books of students. The small essay will certainly enlighten the young students and enable them to steer clear of the jealousy.

    OK. What is that thing “professional jealousy”? Is it envy combined with hatred?

    professional jealousy is all together a different topic, I think its more a mixture of bitterness and sometimes lack of luck too

  6. Seriously i never knew the difference btw envy and jealousy…thank u

    and the argument that jealousy or envyin cud be used as constructive thing…is a real good observation.

    but i do think i m more time envious then jealous then.

    i haveno idea y this happens… and y i cant stop this feeling

    but it sure as hell is theree..

    veens..hmm thanks for being a honest…and I think most of us are a little envious and a lot less jealous.

  7. What you feel is absolutely normal.True that jealousy and envy are sins but then we all harbor the seven sins in some proportion or the other at all times.That is what makes us human,does it not?

    Have a nice weekend 🙂

    sameera, in a way I agree with you.

  8. It is normal to feel these emotions. makes us human me thinks. The trick therefore is to not let emotions run the show for us while not going to the extreme of denying them either.

    DC, hmm isn’t that trick very difficult 😀

  9. hey 🙂
    even i’m envious of many people/things. for one i’m most envious of those who are doin thr LLB ryt nw.. i had to give up my seat fr sum stupid reason!! so nw whn those guyz will be jus LLB graduates i plan to be an IFS officer.
    envy/jealously is GOOD!!

    haha envy/Jealousy is not always good 🙂

  10. now i may not be a very good example of a teen …. but i think envy is one of those emotions which predominant in everything we do during the adolescent years.
    and being envious is normal… you would be so weird if you did not get feelings of jealousy.
    but its just that at times it gets a bit out of hand … thats a sign of something bad.
    i never knew the difference between jealous and envy till now.
    and i am definitely more envious than jealous.
    but then i havent really been “green with envy”… not that i want to be …

    glad to know that you recognize when it can go bad..but why do you think its only during adolescent years.

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