An year gone by

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I was going through a post of mine, and found this. I posted this in June 2007 and I called it “sometimes“. One strange thing is that, nothing much has changed over the year, and still I want to do all this, ‘sometimes’.

Sometimes I wish, to forget everything that I like and everything that I hate, start with a new value system, forget my perspective, forget the things I look for, forget the things I try to find, forget the kind of people I want to be with, forget the standards that I have set for myself, forget the responsibility that I expect from myself, forget that I represent someone and somethings, forget the legacy called myself.

Sometimes I think, fun is most important thing in life, why do I have to worry about the future, enjoy the life I currently have, taking it day by day, no past no future. People, money and relationships, bring the fun element in. Do I really have to care, if the others are having fun too?, is it not enough that I am having fun?. But what is that “Fun”, I have almost forgotten what is fun to me. Not to sound cliched, I have begun to find fun in things I hated, sometimes I feel I have settled for this “fun”.

Sometimes I feel, that I am boring myself, nobody else is doing that to me, but its myself. I am turning myself into this mechanical person. I can literally feel people getting bored around me. sometimes my ideas and thoughts bore me too, thats when I feel I have hit the rock bottom. I have got music, books that keep me interested. Lately its been blogging, blogging has really been awesome. But the question still remains, what next?

Sometimes I wonder, what would have happened If I had different priorities, would it be more fun?, would I have enjoyed more?, should studies not have been my priority?. I have seen people who were at as good as me, not worry about studies so much, still doing same or better things than me. I am definitely not jealous of them, just wondering, was I wrong in what I chose?. Did I chose the wrong idols?, Was someone needed to be in my life all along? or is it just an illusion that the other side is greener.

Sometimes I realize, I am not alone in dilemma, I read what people write, about their fun, their happiness, their problems and their feelings, somewhere I can see that everyone has somewhat similar problems. Sometimes I also seriously doubt, is it me who is picking people with similar problems to read?. Its possible that people are troubled by something similar, what If? kind of a situation. Realization is something which is a continuous process, but why is it that it always difficult to realize?

Sometimes I react, with total awe of my own feelings, and sometimes with total disgust, sometimes with anger, sometimes with helplessness. The common thing is that I react, somewhere I read today “I am alive not just breathing”. It struck me, so many of us might be doing contrary right, just breathing. I want to add something to my reactions. I want to react wildly, take a real bad decision, completely unplanned, completely surprising myself, may be sometime soon.

Watch out people!

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7 responses »

  1. Both of the posts are exactly same! No change of even one word, except starting paragraph, why? I believe everyone has these questions in life, may be my mind is also windy because of this, but I never gave a thought on this like you.
    I would say don’t think so much, enjoy life with whatever comes your way.

    Neilina, both the posts are same because its just a copy of the post, and its a copy because pretty much none of the questions got answered in a year

    I read these lines in some blog, said by Rilke, wanted to share with you, ” Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves……Do not seek the answers which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them and the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live some distant day into the answers.”
    My life has changed little bit after reading this. Earlier there was so much noise of questions in my heart, but now when I waited patiently, trying to live every moment, my life is seeing the answers of all the questions!

    Hope to ‘watch’ something new in your next similar post! Keep going……….
    Bless You! ~Namaste~

    I hope too that it changes, more so I get some of the answers.
    -Rambler

  2. Thats what makes us human does it not ? As ypu put it everybody goes through it and comes out of it. The best part about our lives is it is not flawless and still we love it and we live it ; we enjoy it and try to make most out of it. Guess ultimately we are happy at the end of it and thats what matters !!

    Sunshine, I would be happy..if it turned out the way you said..whatever said and done happy at the end
    -Rambler

  3. And sometimes, we feel an urge to scream aloud, to say we want change, to say we want to try different things, to see if we can be different, that we want to see it all
    And yet sometimes, we are satisfied, with what we are, with what we see and all we want to do is understand better.
    I think I love this post of yours the most.

    Very well said CR, and thanks 🙂
    -rambler

  4. Rambler: Don’t just wish; you have the power over your life and choices, so go ahead and _do_ those things you wish for. 🙂

    PS: “A” year not “An” year… Yes, this is one of those weird rules in English where “AN historic event” happens but it happens once in “A Year”. :-/

    Shefaly…I like your suggestion..just go for it
    and thanks for the tip
    -Rambler

  5. oh, my…you’ve posed so many questions, now i’m depressed! seriously, rambler, i’ve found that i still hold many of these questions myself today and i am 20+ years older than you. it is our human nature to always ask of our direction in life, our happiness, whether we have made or are making the right choice, etc. i have found and believe many of these questions will take us well into the twilight of our years.

    good post.

    haha now I am a little relieved, I have 20 more years to answer them 🙂
    -Rambler

  6. sometimes i wonder how that brain of yours churns out such good stuff …
    it was like ticking each point …
    “yep, correct”

    it is always the same … but then i somehow get back to teh first point a lot ….
    i just wish the third word wasnt there …

    Thanks BB..he he ticking?? 🙂
    oh why do you wish that way?..wishes are good 🙂
    -Rambler

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