I can’t believe it, its been more than five years since I finished my college and started my professional life, I just can’t believe it. I remember my initial days at my work place, I felt so naive, so inadequate, and people around me appeared so strange. I thought this phase would be short lived, but I was wrong, even after two years of work I felt like a fresher, just out of college, still insecure at work.
I guess it was not much to do with profession, because I always felt very young about myself, I never felt any change in me with the growing years. Always felt the same old me. I always used to wonder why I did not feel like a grown up. Why I always felt like a youth, why I did feel the need to take up the responsibilities like say my father did.
Every day when I look at the mirror, I hardly notice any change, the receding hairline does not make me feel old, nor the fact that I my face size has probably increased by about 25%. I hardly see any years, because I look at the mirror and hardly notice myself.
May be the fact that not much has changed in terms of responsibilities or commitments has contributed as well, I still do not financially support anyone, nor do I provide emotional support, the people in my life are almost same, and there has been hardly any change about my aspirations.
Recently Shefaly had a comment about my post on “One tree hill”, I think she was surprised that I watched teen soap, I did not realize till I saw the comment, that my interest in entertainment has not changed much either, I still love to catch the episodes of Doogie Howser, Wonder years, Friends, and One tree hill, The teenage and school kind of sitcoms makes me wanna watch them, just the way I was attracted to them years back in school.
So does it mean I haven’t grown up?..
I would have blindly said yes some days back, but not after yesterday.
I logged into the popular social networking website yesterday, and saw that a friend of mine from high school had uploaded pics of hers, rather that of her new born baby. I clicked on the pics and saw some of her family pictures, she had changed so much. I kind of saw what I was trying to see in myself, the “age” factor. One thing I clearly remember about her was that we had our birthdays on consecutive days, and she was a day older than me. Suddenly realized If she is old and I OLD too, some how me being old was rather evident through my friend rather than me.
I looked around profiles of people who have been my batch mates from various years, and with every profile and the picture albums I began to see how much people have grown both in terms of body, and in terms of where they stand in the cycle of life.
Yesterday for the first time in my life I felt Older.
Do we really see our age in eyes of our peers?.