Posted in "Theory of pursuit", Taking a break, Thoughts, thoughts to think

A conscious trail of thought.

“Real Love is a conscious choice made with your head, confirmed by your heart and executed by your person. Every act of love is an act of choice.”

I think I disagree

Every act of choice is an act of love otherwise we would not choose in the first place

I choose something because I love it and without love I would never choose something

If we choose something which we don’t love, it would not be termed as choice its something which is forced

If you choose something because time/situation demands it, then again its not a choice, its a settlement or an agreement

When you choose something when time demands it, its a sort of an agreement you go into and not a choice, you settle for something rather choose it

If we have too many agreements/settlements in our life ,it would mean that you are giving into lot of demands, then it means its time to look back.

If we do not have any option then go with it..but then may be I would not call it a choice . Well I would call it Life

Well I think we don’t get to choose everything in life, and sometimes it works out for the good…so when it really gives us a choice why not go and make the best use of it, go and choose the things we love

What if we have nothing which we love in front of us, then we must go in search of it, or may be hold on a little we never know what we love. I mean I think no one really knows until one actually feel it

What if we really dont have time to find what we love. may be that’s the thing we are doing wrong, always thinking about time, may be we should let time do its work, and us ours

What if I neither have faith in myself or on time?, I think we ought to, faith is the basis of lifeforms, faith on anything we consider..if nothing then just believe in faith, anything you trust, anyone you want to trust.

What if you do not get a sense of trust in things we see, does trust lead to compromise?. I guess then we should not see, and trust does not lead to compromise, rather it opens you up, it opens you up for the world and the world includes us.

What if we wonder will the world be bothered whether I am opening up or not, and what if they want me in closed. I guess world wants us to open up and loves it that way.

You know, when we close the doors its our rooms which end up darker and not the world

 

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Guys I am off for a vacation, I wouldn’t be around for some time. Hopefully I will be back with a better frame of mind, and with more energy to ramble over here, until then goodbye people.

Posted in "Fifty Five Words ", poésie, poetry

The voice in my head

Serene blue sea,
White sand close by,
A walk on the beach,
A peaceful soul,
And a clear mind.

A constant chatter,
Never ending corrections,
arguments,
and the crashing of hopes.
Occasional guidelines,
And miraculous solutions too.

You never stop yapping, 
do you?.

I guess,
Blessed we are.
Silence is my style
And your’s 
Perseverance .
——————————————————————
 Topic over at “Sunday scribblings” is “my style”, and here is my 55 cents on the topic.
Posted in Books, Taking a break

A new page

I have not been an avid reader, and have just started to explore the wonderful world of books. Blog world has always helped in chosing books with suggestions and reviews, and I thought it would be really good to have a platform here on my blog where I can interact with others and share views regarding books I have read. I have come up with a list of books I have read, and also the ones which I have bought but yet to read. I am hoping that this page will be used to discuss these books, and also people will come out with more and more suggestions for me to read. 

I also decided to rate the books, purely based on my personal opinion and how much I liked reading the same. 

So guys, I have added a new page to the blog, you can see that right on the right top corner, I have decided to call it “My book shelf“, So come on  over and shoot your opinion.

Posted in Books, Personal, Randomness, Thoughts

Random Randomness #42/08

Guys Random Randomness series is back, I know its been a long time, and am sure many of new people around here have not seen the old series I used to do, so if you have not read the previous posts in the series please do check out the posts “Random Randomness”

Random memories:
I do not get involved too much into tv shows [or that is what I claim], specially when it is a reality show, I think most of them are rigged, and drama thrown in to increase the viewership, but one show which I have been watching from long time is “Indian Idol”. Season 4 has started and like  all other seasons, I am watching this one as well. The initial rounds are the ones which I enjoy the most, I love to see the faces in the audition rounds, because you get total entertainment watching some really good and bad voices.
What I love the most about these rounds are the memories they bring back to me, the memories of the campus interviews from 6 years back, when we used to go do the entrance test for companies, and then they used to come out and announce names of people who made through to the next round, that anxiety and anticipation with which we used to wait and the tension which used to build. The show brings back memories, of joy when you get to finally hear that you have made it to the final list.

Random Musings:
If you are struck in a confined space with just another person, and you start smelling something stale, you look around and see that the windows are closed, and the only source of foul smell is the other person probably breaking wind. 
I am sure we would have come across this situation many times, every time I end up in one such, only thought that comes to my mind is that, “what would be going on in the other person’s mind, would he/she realize I know its him/her, if yes, how would they react”. 🙂

Random wonderings:
I always wonder how one man’s music is other man’s noise. I always have this liking towards songs with not too much of a loud music. You see a car go by, and you can here the stereo, and all you can make out is this sound “dink chick”, I hate such songs. On the contrary I see people who travel along with me, or use my personal music system complain how I can listen to such boring songs early in the mornings. See one man’s music and other’s noise.

Random books:
I just finished reading “One Hundred Years of Solitude” by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. . This is my second book from the author, like the first one which was Memories of My Melancholy whores this too I found a little boring, I liked it in parts, on the whole not such an impressive book. 

Random conversation:
Rambler had a conversation with a colleague who seem to be blaming his marriage for his inability to take risks. So lets call this colleague K.
K: Man you should finish all your things before marriage, if you are planning a change of company or further studies, just finish it now. Once you are married you cannot take any risks.
Rambler: Oh yeah, After marriage, you loose the ability to “take” things, you will just be “given” things instead 🙂
I guess now Rambler is one step closer to be called “smart mouth”

Random complaints:
People, when will we start having better public toilets?, recently I had the [mis]fortune of having to use the public toilet in one of the malls, it was not a small place, so people, only educated ones come around the place. I expected the place to be a little clean at least. But man was I wrong, I think people do not have the habit of flushing at all, or may be they eat something so nasty that the flushing does not seem to help. What ever it is, I just wish they grow up.

Posted in "Theory of pursuit", poésie, poetry, thème, Thoughts, thoughts to think

History “termed”.

The topic over at sunday scribblings this week is “If I had to live at a different time in history”, this was supposed to highlight which era I would like to go back to, when, why and where. All I could think of was why I would like to go back in history, for whom, and whats history for me. Here are a couple of lines I came up with.

If today,
is not,
what
you want me
to
live in,
I
would love
to
escape,
back to
days
which
you
“termed”
history.

.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.

I guess,
it’s not
what was
“termed”
as history,
that
I want to
go back to,
may be
its
“us”
from that era
I would
want
to return
to.

 

Posted in "Theory of pursuit", Family, Finance, Kindred, Life, Marriage, Thoughts, thoughts to think

Yours, Mine and Ours

Last week there was an article about sharing money in a relationship, you know being able to take money from your partner, or parents. About how people like to be able to be independent and not want any financial support from the close ones. It spoke more gender biased, more from the female perspective, borrowing money from husband/father. I remember writing something on the subject a long time back under “Random realizations” here .

Ever since I read this thing, the topic has been on my mind, with stray thoughts developing around the subject. 

It should be cool to borrow right?

I figured it should feel lovely to be able to have another source of income right, why would I feel shy to ask my woman, money?, as long as I am aware I am not wasting the money, and I am gonna use it for good of myself or my family, whats wrong with asking money from my partner?. I guess I would choose to ask her first before going to my dad. I mean it should be ok to go back to my father If I am in real need of the money, and I would expect him to come to me when he needs some as well. It feels really great to have a feeling that someone is there to get your back when you need something, I guess be it your woman or your father really does not matter much. 

Is ego the factor?

There must be a factor which prevents us from going to our loved ones when in trouble, especially when it comes to finance. What makes us think less of us?, is it ego?. Its not entirely true, by that I mean its not entirely false :). Its really a bit of ego, when we hesitate to go to a partner and borrow money, its like when you go out to dinner, its expected for a man to pay. Coming to that I think this should change, in an equal relationship, why not let the woman pay once in a while?, why not ask her to take care of the bill?. Is there a sense of loss when one asks his/her partner to pay?, may be for the dinner or for something else?. Because if there is, there must be something wrong, because this isn’t a game, or a sport where there is a winner, or a loser. Is ego a big blocker even in case of relation with the parent?.  I guess yes, a fear of looking incapable, or not being able to support oneself in front of your parent can be ego hurting to many people, may be the notion of borrowing money being an indication of incapability itself is the biggest cause for ego issues between partners and parents.

Can time be the change factor?

In a relationship, if you are still not comfortable with sharing your financial troubles, what do you think would make you change your mind, is it something like you would never change?, or may be it takes time to change your mindset?. Can time instrument a change in your stance regarding being able to accept money from your partner?. I think with time the level of comfort would increase with the partner, and one would more open, and with lesser ego/fear to borrow money. Again it depends a lot on the person and the relationship, some couple might take forever to be able to reach this stage, and some might reach this during the courtship before marriage itself. It also depends on the person, how strong his repulsion towards sharing finance is.

What about repaying?.

I really have a hypocrite view on this matter, I had a strong feeling that I need to pay back money if I borrow it from my father, but do not have that strong a feeling when it comes to returning it to my partner. In case of father, firstly he would be retired, so its my responsibility to make sure he does not face any financial problem, and also somewhere the idea of being a team is not so strong when it comes to father/parents. You do have a strong feeling of being on your own. With the partner it is different, I feel more of a team, and I have a feeling I might not be so keen of repaying, may be I would in a different manner, but the idea of borrowing money from the partner as a loan does not appeal to me, I think it should never be that way, if it is, then I guess the idea of sharing does not come in at all.  

That thought makes me move onto the next big question, should couples keep track of money flow between themselves?

I guess people should really keep track of where their money is going, you know keep a check on the outflow, and areas of outflow, but would you keep track that my partner borrowed 1000Rs for that nice shoes in the mall, or she bought my ticket for the movie?. I am really clueless on this topic, may be I would know better when I am actually in that role.

What say you people?

Posted in "Theory of pursuit", Moi, Personal, Thoughts, thoughts to think

On bed, sunday morning

I grew up playing cricket on streets like every other Indian kid, every person who has played street cricket knows, there are two kinds of houses around, one which does not mind the ball falling into their compound, and one who hate the idea of a stranger kid lurking in their compound, even though it is to just pick up the ball, most of the times they either scream at you, or threaten you not to return the ball. The street where I played had a lot of people of former types, one who did not mind. In one such houses there used to be this kid, a small one about 3 years old I guess, who used to want to play with us, and we used to occasionally toss balls to him, and he used to drag his bat around.

Anyways, this post has nothing to do with cricket nor with that kid. I spotted that guy walking past my house, he has grown into a big boy, longer, wider and bigger than me, I saw the kid and I thought, how much he has changed, he has grown older. Just the expression of disbelief struck my face for a long time.

On Saturday I was watching a program on television, and a judge on a reality show was one of the leading playback singers. She burst onto fame as a child pop star when I was in high school, and then moved on to become one of the most popular playback singer in hindi cinema. I saw her on screen, and I could not help but notice the age factor, those eye bags below her eyes, more importantly just the changes on her face, one could easily make out that she was growing older.

I woke up Sunday morning, and even before I got up from my bed, I had this thought, we spot changes so easily in others, and why not us you know?. I am sure I would have changed over years, look older, the age would show on my face too. Some how we never recognize the change in us, its only with others we tend to spot changes.

I do see myself in the mirror, we all do, and I do spot the odd change, but I never realize how much I have changed by looking into the mirror, may be I always lack that perspective, that bird’s eye view of myself.

May be it has to do with how frequently we tend to see ourselves in the mirror, how often we end up reflecting in retrospection, I guess there are cases when we do it too often which makes us not notice the changes, or may be in cases its too much of a gap in between, making us forget what we were and in turn making us not notice the changes.

May be it’s the amount of importance we give to details, or the ability to spot details. I guess somewhere we give a lot more importance to details in others, spotting them more closely, almost scrutinizing them, when we look at our self with not that much interest.

As I lay on my bed on a Sunday morning 6:30 AM, waiting to get out of my bed, I just had one thought on my mind, “When was the last time I saw myself change.

Posted in "Fifty Five Words ", poésie, poetry

Forbidden

A look in the eye,

The stern face,

A hint of a sparkle,

And the forever “bored” impression.


There was a time, 

When I thought,

Those lines of frown,

Were not something momentary,

But something permanent 


Glad I was proved wrong,

You did drop your guard,


It did finally find its way,

The forbidden smile.

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Topic over at Sunday Scribblings this weekend is “Forbidden”, and here I am with my 55 cents on Forbidden smile.

 

I just realized the last post I wrote suited this so much..interested?..check this out ““I will not take No for an answer!”

Posted in "Theory of pursuit", Thoughts, thoughts to think

“I will not take No for an answer!”

“I will not take No for an answer”, sounds very cheesy isn’t it, straight from one of the soap operas or from a cheesy Hollywood movie. To me, in a way, it symbolizes “perseverance”, a way of accepting that the answer is No, but with a lot of confidence that he/she is capable of turning that no into an yes.

Perseverance for ages has been on of desired qualities in an individual, we are supposed to not give up, have patience, and slowly conquer what we set out for, even if we are faced by many uncertainties and rejections, even when your mind can clearly see a defeat or a failure, we are supposed to stick around, until we get what we set out for.

What do we men generally seek for?,
A career [ I thought of writing job here, but then job does not make much just for the long perseverance isn’t it?, I guess it has to be the career, and not job].

Love, woman, or in some cases a partner irrespective of the gender

Money in general

Or even something as abstract as happiness.

So lets take the typical case of a woman, so its been ages since man has began to woo women. I am not aware of any statistics, but by considering pure probability, there is 50% chance that the woman would reject the man’s advance towards her. Assuming the man would not take No for answer, and continues wooing the same women, there would be another 25% chances that she would give in after a lot of perseverance from the man.

Now the logic must be fair and mutual right?, so the woman too would stick to her answer of NO, and show a lot of perseverance in the act of rejecting the man.

One cannot stick the same thing for ever right?, so what if I fail in this job, should I stick on forever to this profession, and never think outside?. May be this is not the right profession for me, may be I have a bright future elsewhere.

So where does one draw the line, where should one stop?, and say ok I give up and I move onto things which he is capable of conquering rather then mull over the dead meat?.

Another thing to consider is, the extent of the damage one can cause, when one has persevered on a thing all his/her life, and then has to deal with failure after a long time, just imagine, a 45 year old discovering that he has no future in the business he has struggled to set up for 20 years of his life?, one who did not take up another job, because he was taught not to give up.

I know the answers to such questions are never sharp or to the point, its something one has to know on their own, determine as they live their life, and decide based on logic and instincts.

When one analysis things like these as a forethought, the decision to stop sounds so difficult. I guess there are things in life, which we only learn/realize in retrospect.