Why cant I step back

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I wish I could handle myself better, try not to intrude into people who matter to me. I know that I have promised people that I would let them have their own space, and  will not mind days when they just want to go off, into their own cocoon. I think I can totally understand a need to do that. But still when someone close to me does that, why is it that I feel like trying to talk it through, figure out the real problem, see if communication can help. When I cannot control and end up taking small steps against my promise, the remorse is even worse. Half measures are always worse, so every time I make those half steps and check myself, and try to abruptly step back, I end up making things worse.
It makes me wonder is it that hard to accept that there will be days when people who matter to you, do not want to discuss what went wrong?, is it so important for one to communicate even at the risk of breaking things?.
You know whats the worst part, aftera day of remorse for doing something what you did, still not being sure if one should have finished the step and not stepped back.

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15 responses »

  1. Ya its important to not intrude. To let the person just be. Its so needed at times. And it could even be so that ther person may want to talk it out, but necessarily to you. It could be someone else, and you have to be okay with that. With myself at least it works this way. I want to not talk at all, be all to myself and realise a little later I need to pour it out on someone, and that someone is not always the person close(st) to me.
    I think not taking that step would be wise, giving the other person some space they need always helps.

  2. Know what it is really funny. When people want to go into their own cocoons and need that own space they do with ease and without bothering it might have hurt somebody too. so when it comes other way round they tend to have all these thoughts. are we having double standards here ?

    • hmm I dont know, you bring out a very good point, may be you are right..but you know what for someone who believes there is nothing which cannot be talked through, its a little tougher to change, but I think time will do the trick

  3. of ho, kyoon pareshaan hote ho? just remember this, if someone wants to share something with u, he will why unnecessarily ask…even if u ask, if he does not want to tell he will not..

    but its okay. Don’t be harsh on yourself 🙂 cheer up now!

  4. It really depends on what the other person wants….for me letting-the-person-be, works on most ocassions. It gives people time to cool off and introspect and then have an adult conversation….it more often than not, strengthens the bond further and builds trust. What is important is to let the other person know – hey I am there to listen and support whenever you are ready to talk. At times we get juvenile and retort hurtfully when the other person starts shownuing signs that he/she is ready for a conversation. “you didn’t tell me then and now what makes you think I have the time to listen to you” – This is not constructive. Specially for people we care about, we want to make a problem go away immediately – how can i see you suffer on your own – tell me what the problem is – talk to me please. But often, space and time helps in getting a perspective and therefore a wholesome solution instead of a kneejerk arrangement. In any relationship the only thing that matters ultimately is respect. We must learn to respect when someone close, asks for space. Therefore restrain on our side is required without letting the other person feel insecure. But this is my opinion and follow the same and 90% of the time it has worked. But there has been the odd ocassion when I have been accused of being cold, heartless etc etc – “why didn’t you ask me what the problem was – but I thought you needed space!” In those ocassions I had read wrong, what the other person really wanted. Well but on the whole let people be when they tell you that but let the person know you are ready to talk when they are.

  5. Just step back and let them be….they know that you are there for them, and your being part of a communication dialogue need not reassess that.

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