Monthly Archives: October 2009

Just blabbering

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I miss blogging, but I am in no mood to write..

Have you ever felt this?.

anyhow..

For people who do not believe in enlightenment..and have thought of “bodhi vruksha” moment as more of an elongated process than a sole second affair [In other words people like me], just think another time guys. Over last couple of weeks, I am getting jolts of reality doses about myself, and am ending up making some really good mental decisions, easing out all the unwanted worries from brain. Yep guys, its that time of the year, yet another attempt at detachment in full swing

In short, I am kicking some serious worry ass on the way to some chilled out bliss.

Nope, I am not drinking too much 😉

So for people who have wondered where the heck is rambler, [the count of which is 0 including the real me], here’s a been there dont that list from last few days

Places where I got to dine and poop
Miami, Fl
Key west, Fl
Fort Lauderdale, Fl
Nautural Bridge Caverns, TX
San Antonio, TX

Pages I got to skip
Hardcore Zen:Punk Rock, Monster movies and the truth about reality – Brad Warner
Hypnotizing Maria – Richard Bach
The shadow of the Wind Carlos Ruiz Zafon
A thousand splendid suns – Khaled Hosseini

A few first shots I got to take
A reality check on stalactites and stalagmites
A party vacation
First humiliation of having to dance in public [Did not realize I alcohol could give me such a high, and make me take insane decisions]
“The Grind”

Work in progress

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I have been a real bad blogger off late, not because I haven’t been reading my reader, not because I have not been writing my thoughts, not because I hardly chat with people from blog world who have become such good friends over time, it’s because I didnt even miss blogging, I did not miss not having a forum to express my thoughts, I didnt even felt the want to write them.

I don’t know if it’s a phase, or I just walked out of one. I just dont know.

I am just back from a vacation, where I had loads of fun, tons of firsts, and even more fun. I am trying to motivate myself enough to write my travelogue [Something I used to love doing]. Anyways more on this later.

The other day I was reading something and this thought of  “What I could have been” came to me. I know what I am right, what If I had been something else, well I kind of day dreamt the different things I could be doing, it was very interesting to look closely at how I see an alternate me.

I could have been a someone struggling to break even in business if my dad and mom had chosen to stay back in Gujrat. Well I really cannot imagine myself doing business, as I am not cut out for that, well you never know. Realstically I picture of Anupum Kher from Ram Lakhan comes to my mind. May be a balder and a fatter version though.

I could have just made that small extra push in highschool, which would mean someone leaving in Rochester would be living in Bangalore instead, and I would have many more memories to cherish upon, and not just a single page from a notebook.

I could have been swimming instead of walking in knee deep water, if I knew how to pick my battles with my mom, and fight for the right stuff. Instead of a new ‘hero’ pen, I could have fought for a month of swimming lessons.

I could have walked around the pangong lake with some good friends, if I had not considered the money it costed, and use parents as an excuse from the vacation. I would not have this repent that I missed out on a great trip.

I could have been this middle aged married guy, in suburbs of california, if I had chosen to go ahead with my masters. I have so many real and fake reasons for this, I cant even begin listing them. I could have been the typical desi NRI visiting home once in two years, traveling once in a while within the US. Ah who am I kidding, I dont think I would ever like this country, or would I.

I could still continue to be the prejudiced, MCP which I once was. I could have continued to be a sexist, racist, and religiously biased person and continue to be proud about my fake ideals. I could have continued to close my eyes to real world, or not even try to open up to reality. This makes me wonder, have I really moved on?.

I could have been the couch potato which I was almost destined to become, if I had not found the wonderful world of books, courtesy S.  I needed a balance, I still do, and there are many people who brought some of it in my life.

All this makes me realize how much I have fought with myself to be who I want to be, some were easy and for most part were difficult. But most of them are work in progress.

Just an other question.. or is it?

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Its been 12 days and still I haven’t got a good word out of me, not that I am running low on thoughts, just haven’t been writing. I keep telling people who ask me about my absence from the blog world that I am busy, which I actually am, lots and lots of work, but when I can make some time to read not one but two books in a fortnight, watch two movies over the weekend, hit the state fair, why is it that I am not writing. The question still puzzles me a bit, why I am not writing.

I guess one way to deal with it, is to just forget about it and spit whats on your mind.

Well this is not something which is on my mind right now. This is more of something which will be on my mind for quite sometime from now. It all began with one wise lady making a statement. Here I quote her “There is a thin line between wanting to know everything and caring“.

I have been thinking about it for a while now, how many times have I crossed that line, how many times have I asked too much, how many times have I intruded someone in the name of caring, how many times have I told myself that wasn’t intrusion but just that I am a little more passionate.

It’s tough to answer these questions isn’t it, because if we were to know it was intrusion may be we wouldn’t have gone ahead with it, if we knew this question takes us past the line we wouldn’t ask it.

Here comes the tricky part, when you see your line is being crossed, and your loved one is crossing the line, and he/she doesnt even know about it, would you let the person cross the line?, or just be a little stern and let them know about it.

I know the obvious answer, does seem to be, to let them know about it. It’s always good to be honest in a relationship, but then we have to take one thing into consideration here, you might be hurting the other person. Nah I dont believe that the people should be strong enough to take the truth, the truth is that no man/woman really want to know the truth, not when it is bitter, not in all its bitterness. I guess most of us like our truth to be given to us with a little sugar coating, in right dosages and in sort of a way which would boot start us in the right direction. If it weren’t for the sugar-coated pills, so many of us would have preferred to die a horrible death, then take the bitter medicine.

Coming back to the topic of intrusion, I am one of those who hates being questioned. I have always hated when my mom’s questions, and never answered her with a straight face, but then when it comes to asking them, am worse than my mom. I can be really inquisitive. The statement the lady made really made me wonder how many times I have come across as being intrusive.

One just doesn’t see under their own nose, do they?.