Work in progress

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I have been a real bad blogger off late, not because I haven’t been reading my reader, not because I have not been writing my thoughts, not because I hardly chat with people from blog world who have become such good friends over time, it’s because I didnt even miss blogging, I did not miss not having a forum to express my thoughts, I didnt even felt the want to write them.

I don’t know if it’s a phase, or I just walked out of one. I just dont know.

I am just back from a vacation, where I had loads of fun, tons of firsts, and even more fun. I am trying to motivate myself enough to write my travelogue [Something I used to love doing]. Anyways more on this later.

The other day I was reading something and this thought of  “What I could have been” came to me. I know what I am right, what If I had been something else, well I kind of day dreamt the different things I could be doing, it was very interesting to look closely at how I see an alternate me.

I could have been a someone struggling to break even in business if my dad and mom had chosen to stay back in Gujrat. Well I really cannot imagine myself doing business, as I am not cut out for that, well you never know. Realstically I picture of Anupum Kher from Ram Lakhan comes to my mind. May be a balder and a fatter version though.

I could have just made that small extra push in highschool, which would mean someone leaving in Rochester would be living in Bangalore instead, and I would have many more memories to cherish upon, and not just a single page from a notebook.

I could have been swimming instead of walking in knee deep water, if I knew how to pick my battles with my mom, and fight for the right stuff. Instead of a new ‘hero’ pen, I could have fought for a month of swimming lessons.

I could have walked around the pangong lake with some good friends, if I had not considered the money it costed, and use parents as an excuse from the vacation. I would not have this repent that I missed out on a great trip.

I could have been this middle aged married guy, in suburbs of california, if I had chosen to go ahead with my masters. I have so many real and fake reasons for this, I cant even begin listing them. I could have been the typical desi NRI visiting home once in two years, traveling once in a while within the US. Ah who am I kidding, I dont think I would ever like this country, or would I.

I could still continue to be the prejudiced, MCP which I once was. I could have continued to be a sexist, racist, and religiously biased person and continue to be proud about my fake ideals. I could have continued to close my eyes to real world, or not even try to open up to reality. This makes me wonder, have I really moved on?.

I could have been the couch potato which I was almost destined to become, if I had not found the wonderful world of books, courtesy S.  I needed a balance, I still do, and there are many people who brought some of it in my life.

All this makes me realize how much I have fought with myself to be who I want to be, some were easy and for most part were difficult. But most of them are work in progress.

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8 responses »

  1. I have almost landed doing something else all the time than I wanted to. No regrets though. But at times I love this idea of being someone else; that something which I don’t have allures me; but only for fraction of moments. The comfort of being me is more than anything else. I loved Geet of JWM for I could never be like her even if I get a chance.

    What we don’t have is always more alluring than what we have. But I think everything is part and parcel of bigger plan. Who knows if you would have been something you mentioned; you might have craved for the same thing that you are today. Who knows !

  2. I could have been in business of my parents as well but I am not cut for it either. There are always many could haves You are always choosing directions
    Even if you’re older you are still developing and learning If you do that in the direction you wish than it is all good Great you had such a good time and about blogging It should be without obligation At the moment i’ve got a little time for it but the next moment I am too busy.

  3. Some wise thoughts. These are life’s crossroads, aren’t they? And then we choose the one to tread. I am certain you are glad for the one you chose. Know that you are good just the way you are.

    P.S. racist, sexist, MCP and a religious bigot…you? Naah!

    • DC, are they crossroads?, or crossroads is all they are?.
      even though I would like to believe you are totally true about the “naah” part, I know a little too much about myself to do it 🙂

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