Monthly Archives: January 2011

Would you

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“My heart is always with those who deal with temptation by giving in to it”
I am just quoting “Ken Follett” whose book “The pillars of the earth” is my latest muse.

When you are face to face with a temptation, would you

a. Avoid the temptation in the first place

b. Give in to it, and get over it

c. Fight the temptation, and hope to defeat it

I guess in most of the situations the answer has been ‘Avoid the temptation’ in my case. Just like any other difficult decisions I need to make, best way to deal with it, is avoiding to make those decisions.

It makes me feel like a spineless wuss, but is effective.

One of the best way to deal with any emotion is to feel it completely and that helps you get over it. The line is one of remains from a book I read long time back. Would you deal with a temptation in that way?, would you give in to it, and get over with it?.

Sounds stupid to me. But I have always been a bad risk taker, or rather non risk taker.

On the other hand, every crime committed by a criminal is the last crime before his liberation, atleast to him. Every temptation given into, might turn out to be the last one before one gets over it.

One cannot deny that, its really fun to give into temptations, be it a bar of chocolates in one’s case, or a huge case filled with notes for others.

So What?

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Today I am a married man, a happily married man. I have begun to enjoy my life more, I have actually started to begin and end days on a happy note, quite surprisingly I have partially reduced my anger, and more surprisingly, I think very little, of work when I am home, I even forget really interesting issues at work, once my wife comes home, which I thought, would never happen.

I am happy, but the question that seem to hog my mind these days is that, I am happy, so what?, Is this what my life about?, do I need to continue till my nth day, to sustain this happiness?.

Maybe I am thinking about these things because In a way I have been blessed and not to have to survive, if you know what I mean. May be when humans are put in a struggle to survive, and have a ‘burden’ to feed themselves and their kin, they do not think much as to why they have to live. The task in hand is too demanding to even think about the purpose of life. I guess living in itself becomes a purpose for life.

Coming back to my problem of why should one live. The next question I put myself through, was why now?, why am I thinking of the reason for human to live now, what has changed. I was too busy to even think about these things as a student, I guess we all have tasks cut out for us, good school, high marks, good professional seat, a good paying safe job. We have a list of achievements, or rather tree of achievements all cut out for us. I don’t think i ever asked myself before preparing for my exams, as to so what if I get great marks, so what If I get a good job. It was something which had become a necessity by default.

Now I could think of newer achievements which could excite me. Well I am sure they will excite me, as I can think of a bunch of achievements which are already making a beeline in my mind right now. But every achievement the question is going stronger in mind. Ok I achieve them, I will struggle to achieve them for another few months, few years, few decades. I am super excited to even attempt them, and then to achieve them if possible, but then so what?, are these achievements just to pass time as I live along?.

Important thing in life is to stretch yourself beyond our potential, there by increasing our potential. We can always curb our growth by setting smaller goals, we can expand our universe by stretching a bit at a time, and it can astound you how much our potential has potential to expand.
I have bunch of goals, there is no lacking in that department, and I have both materialistic, not materialistic, diversified goals.
I want to own a house, I have this goal from a long time
I want to start running, waking up early like the way I used to
I want to learn sandhya vandane, as I never got chance to learn it
I want to learn a new language
I want to this
I want to that
but then I achieve them, so what, I dont see the big picture, why should I get to my goal, if and when I do get, what do I get?, I get satisfaction, I get happiness, so what?, I will move onto newer goals, but what did I gain from it?. Maybe experience, but then whats the gain from the experience.

One of the biggest questions in my mind right now is about family. Ok We are a couple without a kid right now, I see many couples around me with kids, or planning for one. Parents working hard for their kids future, for their education, for their day to day being. I fail to see a point in raising a family, at the end of all family life so what, why should I go through all of it. It just baffles me.

I tend to see people for whom life is just a routine, marriage family, work retirement and death, I don’t see any point in all this, I don’t see a purpose to live in a routine life as I mentioned above.

More lately I have developed a sense of “been there, done that, what next” syndrome. I do know that life is full of surprises, and we get to deal with unexpected at every step, they do end up being pleasant sometimes, not so pleasant other times, but nevertheless they are challenges one will get to face in a boring routine life, but then what if the surprises fail to excite you any more, as everything appears to be a function of time, with time you just come out of these challenges either victorious or failures, only constant result of these challenges is that you would have spent more time left in your life to live.

I was very curious to explore one aspect of life, that’s the relationship part of it, I had and still have many ideas and expectations from my relationship, some fulfilled, some to be worked for, but one realization has been that, its the not ultimate, it does form an important role in your life, and adds one more person for whom you are responsible for, your life is responsible for. But again relationship fails to answer my questions of why, it adds more happiness to life, and surprises.

I can choose to come out of my comfort zone, go find a new job, try to keep myself busy, and I am damn sure I would struggle out of my skin to reach the current comfort in the new job, in the meantime learning newer skills and knowledge. I can start right away to prepare for interviews, and go all out to screw up a comfortable, good paying job I already have, for a better paying one. I am sure that would keep me occupied for next few years.

Only question is, should I do it, only to ‘pass’ next few years in my life?, should I do it for the thrill and excitement?, for happiness? for satisfaction?…

Any and all of those are yet to prove their point in my life.

I can’t seem to stop asking myself, “so, what”?.

Oh btw, I asked these questions to my wife, and am sure she thought I was drunk…

Courage

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Leaving those years behind,
He had walked forward,
Conquering his world,
Conquering his soul.

With an evelish smile
and a witchy attire,
With an ugly body,
and a dirty soul,
she saw him suffer,

The offer was simple,
The choice, obvious,
A sinful, Lost world.

Did he have the courage,
The courage,
to time travel.

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I think I will never get over my fetish for “fifty five words”, my attempt to get back to my favorite genre, for this weeks prompt at writer’s island ‘Courage”
You can follow the rest of the entries here.

Opinions and Theories

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Of all the men in a woman’s life, two of them play an important role, the father, the husband. I know I haven’t considered the friend, the ex, there are way too many exceptions to my first statement, well may be the first line itself is an exception, well all I can say is, let’s assume that two men play an important role.

I thought I understood women better, I thought I could theorize world better, I thought I could predict better, but there are times when people leave me baffled. It could be an sms from a friend, a statement made by my wife, or being ignored by another friend. Woman always have their way of putting me back to a place where I belong.

If you are wondering whats the relation between the first and second paragraph of this post, don’t try too hard, I guess I will be able to make you see my point soon.

Certain people in our life have authority at times over us, may be its a bank manager who is about to grant us a loan, boss at work during our appraisal time, for foodies like me, may be its the paani poorivala who stands close to our house. In more than one occassion people like these can have a control on our actions, our thoughts, most importantly our opinions. One person who really has an authority for most of our life is our father. I know people can deny this, people can say they had a wonderful father who gave them all the freedom in the world, but you have to agree with me that he would be the person with most power for a huge part of our growing years.

Of all the types of authorities and control which one can have over humans, I thought the biggest one is that of the opinion. If I have no freedom to express my opinions, or even worse when my opinions are thrashed as soon as they are uttered, without any explanation or logic, I think it would be the worst life I could ever have. Thrashing of opinions might be an extreme example, however the more subtle variant is not very uncommon among our households. That of a strongly opinionated,dominant personality at home. It could be a father or a mother, or both in some cases.
I always felt that people’s opinions tends to get suppressed when living with a strongly opinionated person, at one point the fight to get your opinion heard and noticed looses its worth, the person just gives up on his/her opinions. How many times have you seen couples where the wife/husband has stopped expressing opinions because the other person is a highly opinionated person, how many times have you seen a family, where the members are silenced because of a dominating and opinionated man of the house. I am sure there will be more than on examples right in front of you.

We all get to change these equations in our life, if its a male, it might be a moment when he chooses to move out, or if its a female, in most of the cases it would be time when she moves out into the married world. I do agree that woman now have wider avenues, and have begun to move out just as men do, but lets consider the majority, and that would be the marriage.

Now, given a choice how many of you feel that the person would go for a change, i,e a woman would try to find someone who is not strongly opinionated. I thought the above question would be a no brainer, and every woman would chose the option.

Surprise Surprise..

I thought I understood women better, I thought I could theorize world better, I thought I could predict better, but there are times when people leave me baffled. It could be an sms from a friend, a statement made by my wife, or being ignored by another friend. Woman always have their way of putting me back to a place where I belong.