Monthly Archives: May 2011

The ride

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Do you remember the feeling when you sat in the roller coaster?. You had your eyes wide open, and the visuals which usually glide across, were now splashed onto you, one after another, with almost no time to comprehend. Your eyes were open despite the immense fear and turmoil, in an effort to break free, but your hands held the handles firmly, providing that subconscious safety. Tears rolled down your cheeks, leaving a dry track, which were wet within no time from the next fresh batch. Your screams loud enough to deafen yourself, were now ripping through the air innocently. You were amidst a whole bunch of people, but you were alone. You were aware of people around you, but you no longer cared about not caring about them. Past never forgotten and the future still in the memory, but both out of your mind, effortlessly. You could feel your body, but not the pain, you could feel your mind, but you didn’t mind.
Few seconds, and the ride ended. You were out of it in a flash. As if you were zapped out of it, nothing carried forward, the experience lived fully, but let go completely.

The blunder

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Knowingly, he bit into the forbidden fruit,
Opening the Pandora,
Of his aims, dreams and ambitions.
Going against the Christ,
Standing by what he believed,
Questioning the ‘good’, probing the ‘evil’.
Answers draped in black, ideas merged in red.

One mistake,
The blunder called birth.

Was it worth surrendering?
to the superstition;
Superstition ,
called life.

Lets talk adultery

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Some years back this post would have gone to pure pursuits, but now not sure if anyone even remembers my other blog [the anyone includes me too :)], hence the post goes in here.

I was recently reading a post about married male friend by ideasmithy over at xxfactor. Two topics really caught my attention.

Firstly Social groups today, and what can be termed acceptable when it comes to flirting or physicality in groups.

Secondly the post about married men looking out, cheating, flirting in social groups.

I want to blog about the first topic sometime, but today its turn to look at married men. Lets generalize the discussion, and consider committed men in general. Defining a committed man is as difficult as defining a gentleman these days, so let me begin with my definition of committed man. “A man who is in a steady relationship, either married or unmarried, where in the above mentioned relationship has been acknowledged by both the parties involved”.

When it comes to cheating, people first talk about sexual adultery, the idea of a committed man or woman having a physical relationship, has been criticized and talked about for years together, and it remains the biggest concern of all men and women out there. The lesser evil, but very much seeking the above, is the flirting. From, a long time now I can’t really define flirting, nor make out what constitutes it. I was never able to make out if and when a girl flirted with me, or what behavior of me was perceived as flirting by people in my social circle, flirting and inappropriate “touches” have been the next big offence in the list of cheating.

I feel that, somewhere, under the shadow of the two above described star offences, the real and more dangerous form of cheating gets swept under. To me, what I call “mental adultery”, is a by far the biggest offence. I would be lying, that it would be easy to accept a spouse/girl friend who has strayed physically, in fact I am not even sure if I will be able to get past such an act, however I feel I would be hurt the most by an act of mental adultery.

Long before I was in a relationship, I had thought a lot about the adultery depicted in media, and the instances we get to hear from people around us. Almost 99.99% of those belong to the first two offences I mentioned earlier.

Has anyone of you heard complaining of cheating such as,

I saw my husband have this really close and thought provoking conversation with a girl friend of his, and I felt cheated?,

He shared his deepest of fears with a friend, when I was here all ears for him?,

He was having this long drinks session with his close girl friend, talking hours about his ambitions and his views on life, when I was sitting right there, and completely ignored when it comes to discussion of serious issues?,

My wife wants to discuss her emotional feeling with her girl friend rather than open up to me?.

He consulted two of his closest girl friends before taking a major decision in life, when I felt cheated?.

Everytime he reads a book, he goes calls up this friend of his, and talks for hours discussing their views on it?,

I can go on and list thousands of instances, where one of the persons in a relationship can feel cheated. When this happens day after day, months after months, wouldn’t this become a bigger form of adultery?

When my partner chooses someone else to share her mind with, and lets me share only her body, probably that would be end of my relationship. I may consider forgiving my partner if she endulged in flirting in a social group, but I would have a tough time sharing my wife’s intimate moments in mind with someone else.

Don’t get me wrong here. I am talking about committed people having an activity partner or a discussion partner outside marriage. In fact it is very healthy to have one, and not just be tied to each other mentally. Just like there is a line for physicality, I assume there is a line for emotional relationship as well. People need to know when to stop.

I am really curious to know about the other man/woman who has been a part of such a mental adultery, and their views on this. I have a feeling, that a very high percentage of people wouldn’t even know that they were the third wheel, as most of these are not even taken as serious offence, and the usual guards which are set for so called immoral relations are off for this kind of an adultery. I have wondered many a times if I have every been such a third wheel, but have not been able to identify much. I would be really interested to know views from my fellow bloggers who have had such an experience, where they have felt that they are “other woman/man” in a mental adultery.

In today’s world, bloggers are discussing about cheating, magazines have issues dedicated to cheating and the other woman/man, movies being made about the “pati patni or who”, I seriously wish to read, hear, and see more on the mental adultery.

Lets walk

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“Are we there yet, how much more should we walk”. I guess the most used words by me as a kid, were those. I hated walking as a kid, it was a boring thing, which made no sense to me. Only good thing about walking, was the number of stores on the way, which exposed my mind to various cool and unwanted stuff, which I could demand from my parents. My dad still makes a comment that, with me walking along, taking an Auto would be far less expensive. [Oh, BTW it hasn’t changed much ;)]

Over the years “walk” as a means of transport has almost vanished. Not that people don’t walk, we wake up early in the morning to take a walk in the park, or stroll for hours in overcrowded malls, we even walk without getting anywhere on the super swanky treadmill. The idea of walking to a friend’s place, or to the nearby shop, may be still out there in few cases, however idea of walking distances to get to a place is almost forgotten.

I love the idea of walking to my destination, may be it’s what has got into me from my parents and close relations, who all love the idea of walking to the destination. Today at 70, my uncle prefers to walk to my house which is almost 3 km from her daughter’s place, My mom used to actually get off from her bus, couple of stops before ours, to be able to walk a bit everyday.

I remember one of our relative who used to arrange these long distance walking trips. We would start walking at like 4am and walk all day until noon to reach there, we would go as a group with many cousins, so we would not realize any sort of pain or boredom, In fact I remember walking faster than adults, so that we could play cricket enroute, when we have gone too far ahead, and elders were catching up. I miss those padayatra trips.

There are many advantages of city walking apart from the obvious one of being a healthy habit. Firstly each of us get that bit of much needed exercise which is gone with modern life. We also get to breathe fresh air, outside all the air-conditioned cages we live in. We get to look around, its surprising how much the neighborhood would have changed without our notice, new places would have come up, buildings would have been brought down, streets would have changed, with our horse track day to day life, walking can play a great hand in keeping us updated with OUR life.

If you have company for a walk, like your family, wife, or even a pal, there is no better way to have a conversation, than walking the talk. There is something about a walking, which adds a pace to the conversation, its unlike the still conversations over coffee.
If you do not have company, its even better, because it gives the much needed space to think. Some of the best ideas and solutions have come to me when I have taken walks alone.

I continue to walk from and to home in Bangalore. I usually don’t take an auto when I have time, at times walking upto 90 min to reach the destination. I have slowly grafted my wife into my habit. Recently on our trip to mysore, we walked to couple of attractions, like the two palaces. It was just 20 min walk from where we were staying, but it was nice to see some support from one person who would play a great role in me not losing my habit of walking.

There are many things which I have reluctantly picked up from my parents, and begun to love and enjoy them over the years, walking will be one such. I wish we can pass on these to our next generation.

Speaking of addiction…

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Rehabs seem to be the in-thing amongst the commoners these days. Everyone is trying to amend their flaws, become the better individuals which they dream to be. Smoking, drinking, drugs, sex, you name an addiction there’s a rehab center, waiting to take you in, rip you off some money, and supposedly send you back as a better individual. Anyhow lets leave the rehabs out, this post is supposed to deal with addiction.

We get addicted to simplest of the things, may be it’s the morning cup of coffee, the side of the bed we sleep in, the soap we use, the table we chose in a restaurant. You name a field; we can spot the addiction there.

Over last 11 months, my wife has become one such addiction, one which creeps slowly behind your back, and then before you realize, you are locked for eternity. Over last few days my wife has decided to grant some freedom to me, and explore her own in her parents place for a couple of weeks. Within hours of her departure I realized the small addictions which I have got myself into, unknowingly [I swear ;)].

When I am sleepy, and there is no chatter around, or her hair poking my nose as she curls up besides me, makes me wonder how was I ever sleeping before her.

When I wake up in the middle of the night sometimes and not get sleep for a while, instinctively my hands search for hers to hold.

There is no fun taking a shower, without having anyone to prevent me going first.

My lunch boxes are missing that extra something that goes over and above the usual stuff, the salads, the pickles, chocolates, and fruits, how the hell did I get addicted to snack boxes she packs for me.

As soon as I get into my evening ride home, the phone automatically dials her, asking what time is she coming home, I still call her, out of practice and wonder, shouldn’t I be having all the real fun which I am supposed to.

I seem to have got addicted to listening to the long list of complaints about work, traffic, how tired she is, how her back hurts. Without my evening dose of complaints from her, my problems seem to worry me, more than hers.

The evening calls from work, is no fun, with no one checking, when they are going to end, or is it possible for me to mute them and go for dinner.

Again as I check my work emails late in the night, I kind of turn back to see no one in the bed scolding me for working late at night.

There are many things I have gotten addicted to over course of time, but nothing as strong as the warm breath of my wife on my neck.