Posted in Life, Personal, Thoughts, thoughts to think

A random thought

When bad things/people happen to me, may be its because I deserve it.
When bad things/people happen to me, may be its because they deserve me.

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On a totally unrelated subject, I would like to thank this person from “Baltimore, Maryland”. I don’t know who you are, but thank you very much. It would be a pleasure to know who you are.

Posted in Life, Marriage

Storm

Sparks went flying as the lightening struck the sky

A moment, and it was gone,

Thunders were silenced,

That which began like a storm,

had now trickled into a drizzle.

They lay next to each other half naked,

each blaming the other,

for the storm that never came.

Posted in Life, Marriage, Thoughts, thoughts to think

A Weekend Marriage

People have redefined “work” in India today, for a commoner it’s no longer a job which pays for his life. It has become his life. People are no longer satisfied with jobs, they want careers. Job security, instability of money, raising costs, and ambition have made people take work very seriously. People are enjoying benefits of professionalism and extreme focus. No wonder India is on a raise in the global map.

The question is , “at what cost”.

Being an ambitious career oriented person, I have seen how many aspects of my life are being ignored because of work, when I am swamped with work I have no time and when I have some time off work, all I want to do is relax. I shouldn’t be complaining though, or atleast the credit to my bank at the end of every month tempts me not to complain.

Any relationship in todays India, has to go through the influence from this ‘work’ hysteria, and marriages are the most affected.

Considering both me and my wife are cubeland dwellers, there are many a days where I have been left wondering, what happens to marriage on weekdays. Running to work early in the morning, leaves just time enough for breakfast. Running back from work to get into calls and discussions leaves me with no time to talk to my wife. My wife on the other hand comes home way after I get in, and the poor soul has about an hour before her eyes close involuntarily. Many a days we literally have no common time when we can make a conversation, let alone a meaningful one. When we have time for a conversation, neither of us are in a mental state to make a decent conversation.
When my mind is beaming with thoughts and ideas, I see she is down with her own work pressures. When she comes home all excited to talk about something, she finds me on call. I have seen the disappointment on her face when such a thing happens. But there is no way out.

Weekdays are just mechanical function of time, with each of us engulfed in our own space.

Weekends are the only time when we can actually realize we are married, and we have a married life between us, or rather we have a life. When I used to read such articles in print, I used to think of it as an exaggerated piece from people who want to crib about everything, but now I totally get the idea/reason behind DINK couples. When we have no time for our spouses how can we muster time for kids?. There have been weeks, where I have realized I haven’t had a conversation with my wife other than answering her questions and  vice versa.

This makes me wonder, in today’s India, are we all part of a weekend marriage.

Posted in matinee

My Songlist

I was transferring some songs onto my ipod, and this column of itunes caught my attention. Did you know ipod keep tracks of how many times a song has been played. Being a man of numbers, I loved this statistic, and started analyzing my music pattern. It did have some surprises to offer. Even though I am a big fan of Sonu Nigam, it looks like Vishal Bharadwaj seems to be hogging my top 15 :).

[None of the old songs made the list as they were on a different playlist].

Shukran Allah” sung by Sonu Nigam from Kurban, this wins the race hands down by a huge margin. I like everything about this song, from lyrics to vocals, from delhi to Kareena [First time since refugee]

Cham Cham jhilmalate sitaron wale haath” sung again by Sonu Nigam from a not so known movie striker. After a long time Sonu has gone back to his forte, good music.

Character Dheela” with none other than Salman Khan, he must be crowned the king of catchy numbers

Sham bhi koi” This Gem from Amit Trivedi got buried below the mitti mitti songs from the movie “Aisha”. The music, video and the vocals, is just a class apart.

Bekraan hain bekaraan” One of the worst movies I have seen in recent times, but gave this wonderful song. I loved the lyrics

Badi Dheere Jali” Ishqiya had some really good music, after Saawriya only other album where I can listen to all songs. This hindusthani fusion song caught my fancy very late, but has remained my favorite.

Baatein kuch ankahee si” This must be one of the first songs which my wife heard me singing. I specially love the unplugged version from Adnan sami.

Oh saathi Re” Omkara broke many rules, got [in]famous for many things, but only thing I remember about that movie is this beautiful song. I remember listening to this in a loop in a loop :).

Kuch Ajnabhi sa Ehsaas dil ko” Sung my Adnan sami, music by him. One of the most romantic songs I have ever heard. This guy must be the one with the sweetest voice in bollywood.

Saawariya” If I were to be asked one album in recent times which I can listen to all the songs over and over again, it has to be Saawariya. No other album is close to this. And the jewel in the crown, to me was the title song. [Masha allah and yun shabnami come very close]

Yeh Honsla” Lyrics, Lyrics and more Lyrics, Dor had a beautiful story, but lyrics for this song was extra ordinary

Yaar Mangiyasi“. When I listen to some of the songs sung by Sonu Nigam, I can’t stop admiring the vocals, this is one such song.

Do Do Do Do“. Ramji Londonwale is one file which not many people have heard of, and this song sung by Alisha Chinai and Suresh Wadker, is extremely sweet and soft. I can feel the misty days of london just by listening to the song.

In lamhon ki daaman mein”  Jodha Akbar was a forgettable film, except for couple of songs.

Beetein Lamhein” There was this move called “Train”, I haven’t watched it, nor intend to. This song was being played on TV during the initial promotions and has been on my ipod ever-since.

Posted in Family, Life, Personal

Hero

No one likes loosing, losing a game, losing money, losing power, losing anything for that matter. If you thought losing is painful, there is worse, seeing your heroes loose. It pains to see India losing a game, or may be Sachin score a duck. Its tough to imagine our hero lose his skill and ability.

We all are aware, its just a matter of time, the age is going to catch up, reflexes are going to wane, body will not be able to take it anymore. We know he is human, he is gotta go someday, but to us he is super hero, the every shining, ever capable person. We are ready to see us grow up, age, become unfit, but our hero remains HERO

Long before sporting heroes or any other hero tickled our fancies, there was one hero who has been and will be hero for every single person for as long as we can imagine. Father, the smiling, scolding, providing, understanding, dictating hero, ready to always help us out, never showing up his shortcomings. I can’t imagine any of us not idealizing our parents, at many a times just their presence gives us enough confidence to get things done.

My father has been like a super hero, he has always been THERE, never slacking, showing no signs of pain, or age. He might have grown old, lost a lot of weight, got his skin wrinkled, lost hair, but to me he has been the same dad, whom I can always ask to get me thinks, help me out, discuss, take me to doctor when I am sick.

As I become older, my father is aging too.  As I sulk about the onset of middle age, I see my dad enter his old age. The problem is that it pains to accept his aging, even though it feels good to take care of him, it pains to realize he too needs care. Having seen him as this strong super hero, whom nothing can ever effect, having to see him this way hurts.

When I see his old pictures I realize how much weight he has lost, when I see him struggle for breadth after climbing the stairs, I see how much his lungs have shrunk, when he refuses to eat things which I offer to him I realize how much it affects his health, when I out of habit ask him to buy something on the way home I realize how much it hurts for him to carry those things up the stairs, when I see he isn’t up before me on days I realize the sleepless night he has spent.

Acceptance is a very difficult thing, specially when it comes to our heroes.

Answers and Questions

One my friends had an interesting post over here. She had a question which every married couple would have had at one point of their marriage, why does one need to have kids?. Its a very common and a simple question right?, it did make me think hard, and I actually had to struggle because I haven’t thought on that subject before, I didn’t have an opinion on that too, I ended up having a conversation with myself of possible answers and counter questions, here’s what I thought.

Why should we have kids?

A: What if our parents had thought on the same lines? we wouldnt be here right?.

Q: I wouldnt be here, so what?, not that I made a noticeable difference to the world. Some people have had a great impact on the world, but how common are such people?, would it really harm if I weren’t born?.

A: We would need kids to support us in the old age.

Q: we always want our children to have the best of the things, that would mean we would want them to pursue whatever they like and is beneficial to them, how often does this result in them moving to far off places, will they really be capable to take care of us?, Considering the number of people who do not really care about their parents, this would sound like too optimistic a reason to have kids

A: We need kids to keep our family name and family alive

Q: Sorry I am neither a TATA, nor a Ambani that my family name/fame/wealth will get strangled if I dont have a kid, infact there are enough people in my family to take it forward.

A: As a couple we are expected to

Q: As a person there is a lot of expectation from me, would I end up satisfying all of them?, wouldn’t I choose only those I feel like doing?, so why is this so special?

A: Its the natural next step after marriage.

Q:If I had married thinking marriage is the natural next step after job, this answer would have been valid

A: This is just a side effect of a pleasure activity

Q: Come on we are advanced enough to counter the side effect.

A:I like kids

Q: This probably makes a little sense. I love kids, I like being with them, playing taking care, all activities about kids appeal to me, I wish I had a kid of my own. If you have ever thought on above lines I guess you probably have a right reason to have kids, but still I have question that just loving kids may not be the only reason why one should have them.

Having said all this, I think this is why I[rambler] would like to have kids somewhere. When I got married I had a feeling that I would like the relationship I am getting into, and such an intimate one would surely provide me happiness. Quest for happiness is the sole reason behind almost everything we do. So kids too would be for the same reason. I would like to have a kid because I think they would make me happy. I know there are numerous sorrows and risks possible because of kids, but then don’t we all take risks for sake of happiness?.

Every role we play help in our growth as an individual, and I think being a parent is the ultimate teacher. Being responsible for someone scares the shit out of us, but then we also take challenges and learn our way through it. Just like we have grown a lot over our relationships with our parents, wife, friends etc, kids to provide a tremendous growth.  I have a feeling they are going to leave us richer, in terms of knowledge and emotions.

Of course we all have to be ready before we plunge into decisions, and not everyone would feel the same as me about kids. But there is one think which I am sure everyone would agree. The reason to have a kid, should never be that someone wants you to have one, even when that someone is your own parent.

Posted in Randomness

Monday Ramblings #1

Random Ramblings is back Again!!!!

Random biter’s club:
At the end of the year, when all your classmates go to the next level along with you, One cannot help, but wonder, wow were they on the same boat?. Thats the feeling I have, when I read blogs on my reader now. Most of my fellow bloggers have stopped blogging, moved on better interests, got married, or had kids. In other words their blogs have sadly bit the dust. [or slowed down]
I miss the friendly banter with my blogger friends, Rusty neurons, Why Paisley, Silver Neurotic, Krista, Nita, Bluemist, Suma, Snowie, Shefaly, Prats, DreamCatcher, chennai ramblings.. So many of them.. Common guys, come back to blogging[full time].

Random Realizations:
Its 2011, and people still are blinded by the glitter. The shineless future, the long credit bills, and the huge loan still doesn’t get notices by people. I guess some people, [aka your’s truly], are just born in the society and never get the mind of it, they shall always remain the exception.

Random Telly fun:
Dr Sheldon Cooper is fast becoming God amongst the geeks. “Dog – O -pus”, the cross between a dog and octopus, the man’s best fried under water, and with eight hands, playing catch is 8 times more fun. Only thing I miss about the US of A, not being able to buy the Geeky t’shirts from the big bang theory collection.

Random Happiness:
As Rambler is about to end 30th year of existence, he did a little bit of introspection on the year that has gone by. He seems to be pretty happy on various fronts, family, work and personal life. He had fun working on some of the issues at work, fun intellectually with some of the books, fun with family, couple of amazing vacations. All in all a pretty good year.

Random Revenge:
Disappointment is one thing which can find its way into slightest of the cracks. Every disappointment leaves me a little stronger to handle them in future, or so I think, but turns out each one of them leaves me equally devastated, time after time, year after year. The worst part of a disappointment is that, there is nothing called a revenge.

Random Second Thoughts:
If my blog were to get a new name, what would that be?.

Posted in Life, Marriage, Thoughts, thoughts to think

Stop the criticism

For ages together, people seem to fail to notice difference between “wedding” and a “marriage”. One is a ceremony other an institution. One of the main reasons for this confusion may be the fact that, in many of Indian languages there is a single word for both of the above things. So when someone is criticizing an elaborate wedding, they end up using the word marriage.
I agree with the opinion that many of the weddings these days are about showing off, and is a place for gossip mongers, however I do not agree that marriage is such a thing, its not a place to be showing off, or doing any sort of a gossip.
There have been many a discussions about rituals associated with a wedding, and their significance. Even though I am not a big fan of following rituals blindly, I do have an opinion that many of them had a meaning and were relevant at certain period of time. Anyways ritualism is not the aim of this post. I do not think when it comes to “marriage” there is any place for showing off, gossip, finding fault with each other. I know one or more of the above mistakes are pretty common in many marriages, but this can happen in any relationship between a man and a woman, you don’t need to be married to face such issues. It depends on the individuals involved to keep them out of the marriage, just like in any relationship

When two people decide to spend their lives together without having to go through a marriage, its their choice. I do not think, there is anything wrong with it. Just like living together is a way of life, marriage too is an institution which has its own set of meanings, advantages, concerns, cons etc. One cannot dismiss marriage as a useless thing, just because they do not want to be part of it. Marriage might be one of the relationship which has been widely accepted by society, but that does not mean that society is the only reason one needs to get married. Marriage is way of stating one’s commitment to each other, establishing a stable environment for each other to co-depend, co-exist, and grow both individually and as a couple. The important thing here is “co”. If a couple choose to do this without actually getting ‘married’, its absolutely fine, I would be happy for them. But one cannot make a common statement that, all people who get married are for the sake of society, or that all marriages are like having a heavy chain worn across your neck. If you have this opinion, then either you have no clue what the marriage is, or your idea of a marriage is based mainly on the mindless episodes shown on TV.

Another major argument against marriage for years has been that of the loss of freedom. People go hours together how one looses freedom in a marriage. Firstly I would like to know how would one define freedom?. Is it ability to do whatever we want, whenever we want?. I strongly disagree, if that were to be the definition of freedom.
When a child is born, parents take care of their children; teachers make sure the kids learn the right values; relatives, friends and family guide them in matters of importance. In doing so, because of care, concern and shear experience, there are many a cases when a child is not allowed to do what it wants, does it mean it has no freedom?.
Freedom should not be defined as ability to do whatever we want to do, it should be defined as privilege of doing what we want to do, considering both the short and long term consequences of the act both on the self, and people around. Here is where the experience and society comes in. Not every individual has the capacity or ability to think of all possible consequences of their act on themselves, let alone on others around them. Here is where the experience matters, age, society, variety, etc can help in contributing to one’s choice of action. In doing so indirectly making sure freedom is being used appropriately.
I agree not everything, society/elders say is valid, but I do not agree that all the things they say is invalid. At a point of time, I might not be in a position to comprehend the reasons or the logic behind a particular rule [I would prefer to say ideology], but each of us have been given education, experience and ability to analyze and accept and reject things which come our way. It is the society collectively which provides us with this ability.
Coming back to marriage resulting into loss of freedom. What makes us believe such a thing wouldn’t happen in companionship without marriage. How many boy/girls are guilty of being possessive of their girlfriends/boyfriends and restricting their activities, how many people can be found guilty of tracking each and every movement of their partners.

So what if you are answerable to your spouse after marriage?, whats wrong with it?. Why is it considered to be a loss of freedom?.
Wouldn’t you feel great, when your spouse takes care of your things, helps you out in many a things, and you return by helping him/her out when a need arises.
Isn’t concern a valid emotion?, I do agree that there are possibilities of everything going overboard resulting in lack of peace. But how is that exclusive to marriage?. Finally it all boils down to individuals, both inside or outside a marriage.

I guess just because one does not find a need for marriage, doesn’t mean that marriage can be dismissed.
If one can attain the sanctity of a marriage outside it, or chooses not to attain the same, there is nothing wrong with it. But by doing so, I do not think they get to dismiss the institution of marriage.

DISCLAIMER:

I recently read a post by a fellow blogger whom, I also know in person. After reading the post, I ended up disagreeing to so many parts of the post, but I had a feeling that he/she would be defended if I were to post them over there. I really want to think over my response but not post them as a comment, hence decided to do a post over here. I usually tag the original post, but this time I am choosing not to tag the original post as I don’t want this post to appear as my criticism of the original post or the author.”

Posted in Thoughts

awake

I have been to this country twice, and both the times ended up spending an year or so. I remember being enthusiastic in preparing for the travel, shopping for all the things I might need, planning for the emergencies, just enjoying the opportunity to travel. Even though the travel is tiring, the idea of airports, lounges, glitter of the airport shops kind of boost my morale. On both occasions of landing in this country, I had a rather smooth time, and ended up at a furnished apartment, with all the necessary things put in place well before I arrived.
Once you enter the house, put your baggage in a corner, look around at all the stuff, the premises, the gadgets the fizz just dies. There is some sort of a smell which I associate with this country. The smell of sadness and disgust, the smell ignites in me a feeling of sinking discontentment, and one begins to miss home. I wish I can describe the smell in detail.
I have been to many places in this country, many a hotels, many a homes, some belonging to close family too, but where ever I go I get this smell. The smell of sadness, the smell of longing.
May be its the closed windows and doors, may be its the air conditioning and heaters all around, may be its the lack of fresh air. Whatever it is, it is universal in this country. You don’t have to struggle to identify it, you just got to enter the house and there it is. The baffling part is, how my mind relates this smell, to the sad longing of my mind.

This country has generated employment, money, given us entertainment, literature, brands and consumerism. There is no doubt to it, that without this country, India would loose so many jobs. But why do I get a demon-ish feeling about this country, as though it is out to devour people, people who at one point have been close friends of mine, close family, people whom I love to spend time with, and may be would have had more cherishable memories if they had not fallen prey to this demon of a country.

I understand this country is providing the best of the infrastructure, jobs, money, lifestyle, you name it, it is ready to give. But isn’t it taking a lot in return too?, isn’t it taking you away from your people, people who need your help. people who enjoy your company, people who care about you, people who want to be cared by you. Isn’t this country turning your children blind to what you enjoyed very much growing up, isn’t it robbing your parents of grandparenthood?.

You go back into lives of your people once every few years. Try to resume all your relations from where you left off, expect the utmost care and support from all your people, just when the wall is broken, and they start letting you in, your time is up. You need to get back to this country. Look at the emotional damage it causes on the children and the old parents.

This might be a dream country, sorry, I prefer to be awake.