awake

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I have been to this country twice, and both the times ended up spending an year or so. I remember being enthusiastic in preparing for the travel, shopping for all the things I might need, planning for the emergencies, just enjoying the opportunity to travel. Even though the travel is tiring, the idea of airports, lounges, glitter of the airport shops kind of boost my morale. On both occasions of landing in this country, I had a rather smooth time, and ended up at a furnished apartment, with all the necessary things put in place well before I arrived.
Once you enter the house, put your baggage in a corner, look around at all the stuff, the premises, the gadgets the fizz just dies. There is some sort of a smell which I associate with this country. The smell of sadness and disgust, the smell ignites in me a feeling of sinking discontentment, and one begins to miss home. I wish I can describe the smell in detail.
I have been to many places in this country, many a hotels, many a homes, some belonging to close family too, but where ever I go I get this smell. The smell of sadness, the smell of longing.
May be its the closed windows and doors, may be its the air conditioning and heaters all around, may be its the lack of fresh air. Whatever it is, it is universal in this country. You don’t have to struggle to identify it, you just got to enter the house and there it is. The baffling part is, how my mind relates this smell, to the sad longing of my mind.

This country has generated employment, money, given us entertainment, literature, brands and consumerism. There is no doubt to it, that without this country, India would loose so many jobs. But why do I get a demon-ish feeling about this country, as though it is out to devour people, people who at one point have been close friends of mine, close family, people whom I love to spend time with, and may be would have had more cherishable memories if they had not fallen prey to this demon of a country.

I understand this country is providing the best of the infrastructure, jobs, money, lifestyle, you name it, it is ready to give. But isn’t it taking a lot in return too?, isn’t it taking you away from your people, people who need your help. people who enjoy your company, people who care about you, people who want to be cared by you. Isn’t this country turning your children blind to what you enjoyed very much growing up, isn’t it robbing your parents of grandparenthood?.

You go back into lives of your people once every few years. Try to resume all your relations from where you left off, expect the utmost care and support from all your people, just when the wall is broken, and they start letting you in, your time is up. You need to get back to this country. Look at the emotional damage it causes on the children and the old parents.

This might be a dream country, sorry, I prefer to be awake.

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