Aside

One my friends had an interesting post over here. She had a question which every married couple would have had at one point of their marriage, why does one need to have kids?. Its a very common and a simple question right?, it did make me think hard, and I actually had to struggle because I haven’t thought on that subject before, I didn’t have an opinion on that too, I ended up having a conversation with myself of possible answers and counter questions, here’s what I thought.

Why should we have kids?

A: What if our parents had thought on the same lines? we wouldnt be here right?.

Q: I wouldnt be here, so what?, not that I made a noticeable difference to the world. Some people have had a great impact on the world, but how common are such people?, would it really harm if I weren’t born?.

A: We would need kids to support us in the old age.

Q: we always want our children to have the best of the things, that would mean we would want them to pursue whatever they like and is beneficial to them, how often does this result in them moving to far off places, will they really be capable to take care of us?, Considering the number of people who do not really care about their parents, this would sound like too optimistic a reason to have kids

A: We need kids to keep our family name and family alive

Q: Sorry I am neither a TATA, nor a Ambani that my family name/fame/wealth will get strangled if I dont have a kid, infact there are enough people in my family to take it forward.

A: As a couple we are expected to

Q: As a person there is a lot of expectation from me, would I end up satisfying all of them?, wouldn’t I choose only those I feel like doing?, so why is this so special?

A: Its the natural next step after marriage.

Q:If I had married thinking marriage is the natural next step after job, this answer would have been valid

A: This is just a side effect of a pleasure activity

Q: Come on we are advanced enough to counter the side effect.

A:I like kids

Q: This probably makes a little sense. I love kids, I like being with them, playing taking care, all activities about kids appeal to me, I wish I had a kid of my own. If you have ever thought on above lines I guess you probably have a right reason to have kids, but still I have question that just loving kids may not be the only reason why one should have them.

Having said all this, I think this is why I[rambler] would like to have kids somewhere. When I got married I had a feeling that I would like the relationship I am getting into, and such an intimate one would surely provide me happiness. Quest for happiness is the sole reason behind almost everything we do. So kids too would be for the same reason. I would like to have a kid because I think they would make me happy. I know there are numerous sorrows and risks possible because of kids, but then don’t we all take risks for sake of happiness?.

Every role we play help in our growth as an individual, and I think being a parent is the ultimate teacher. Being responsible for someone scares the shit out of us, but then we also take challenges and learn our way through it. Just like we have grown a lot over our relationships with our parents, wife, friends etc, kids to provide a tremendous growth.  I have a feeling they are going to leave us richer, in terms of knowledge and emotions.

Of course we all have to be ready before we plunge into decisions, and not everyone would feel the same as me about kids. But there is one think which I am sure everyone would agree. The reason to have a kid, should never be that someone wants you to have one, even when that someone is your own parent.

Answers and Questions

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8 responses »

  1. I think I need to send this over to my finance. Good post to mull over during wedding planning.

    By the way, I had to move blogs. Long story. New home is silverthoughts2.wordpress.com

  2. Nothing in life comes risk free or without a con. So what if raising a child is a HUGE deal? I was scared the first time I learned to drive a four wheeler. Scared for other drivers on the road more than myself. Yet I did not give up. Having a baby is a much bigger deal, I understand. Yet I am ready to embark upon this journey. And I may not be a stunning success. But I’m sure I’ll do my best to raise a good natured human. And I believe that the very few pleasures of having a child makes it all worth it. It’s not something that I really want to give any more thought than it needs. I may not be the best, but I’m worthy of being a parent along with my husband. And we can afford to nurture a child.

  3. I decided to have a child because I felt like it completed me (again, not something most people would agree with).
    I wanted to hold my child in my arms and see him grow. I guess more than anything I else I wanted to love someone unconditionally. And that happens only with your children as far as I am concerned.
    I have no compunction in admitting that one of my sole reasons for marrying was for children.

  4. Oh I do agree that one should never, EVER have a child because someone else… a parent applying pressure for a grand child… wants them to produce one! The only reason that one should have a child is exactly that above… because they truly want one with all that having a child includes.

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