A Weekend Marriage

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People have redefined “work” in India today, for a commoner it’s no longer a job which pays for his life. It has become his life. People are no longer satisfied with jobs, they want careers. Job security, instability of money, raising costs, and ambition have made people take work very seriously. People are enjoying benefits of professionalism and extreme focus. No wonder India is on a raise in the global map.

The question is , “at what cost”.

Being an ambitious career oriented person, I have seen how many aspects of my life are being ignored because of work, when I am swamped with work I have no time and when I have some time off work, all I want to do is relax. I shouldn’t be complaining though, or atleast the credit to my bank at the end of every month tempts me not to complain.

Any relationship in todays India, has to go through the influence from this ‘work’ hysteria, and marriages are the most affected.

Considering both me and my wife are cubeland dwellers, there are many a days where I have been left wondering, what happens to marriage on weekdays. Running to work early in the morning, leaves just time enough for breakfast. Running back from work to get into calls and discussions leaves me with no time to talk to my wife. My wife on the other hand comes home way after I get in, and the poor soul has about an hour before her eyes close involuntarily. Many a days we literally have no common time when we can make a conversation, let alone a meaningful one. When we have time for a conversation, neither of us are in a mental state to make a decent conversation.
When my mind is beaming with thoughts and ideas, I see she is down with her own work pressures. When she comes home all excited to talk about something, she finds me on call. I have seen the disappointment on her face when such a thing happens. But there is no way out.

Weekdays are just mechanical function of time, with each of us engulfed in our own space.

Weekends are the only time when we can actually realize we are married, and we have a married life between us, or rather we have a life. When I used to read such articles in print, I used to think of it as an exaggerated piece from people who want to crib about everything, but now I totally get the idea/reason behind DINK couples. When we have no time for our spouses how can we muster time for kids?. There have been weeks, where I have realized I haven’t had a conversation with my wife other than answering her questions and  vice versa.

This makes me wonder, in today’s India, are we all part of a weekend marriage.

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8 responses »

  1. 🙂
    This might surprise you but I missed this being busy part when I was off work. and it gets more irritating when one person is working and have no time and other one is free. Come think of it wife spends whole day in home doing chores and the husband comes home and takes more calls when she wants to spend some time with him. and probably he just want to eat and sleep because he is tired from busy day. I am picking most common scenario.
    and seriously if one takes away this busy-ness from day to day life , have spouses in your hair all the time ; we will have more trouble. I guess we look forward spending more time with each other because it has become a rare commodity especially with busy week days.

    • Not being busy part is a whole new ball game. I don’t think we can compare being busy all the time to not being busy at all. What is miss is being able to end work at the right times each day, and having atleast few hours for our partners

  2. I don’t know, I think that at some point you have to reevaluate things and decide what is more important…careers or family. There really needs to be a balance between the two, especially when you are married and considering having children some day. The first step is, make sure you make some time for each other everyday…not just on weekends.

    I think one of the reasons so many marriages here in the US end is because couples, once they are married, end up focusing so much of their energy on their careers, their chldren, etc. that they don’t spend that needed one on one time with their spouses. I’m afraid that that’s going to become a global thing.

    • The problem is, I don’t think there is an answer to the question what is more important, career and family. In today’s world without a career you cannot support a family.

  3. You know, the situation is similar whether both spouses work or not. Even if one of the partners are this busy – it makes for one hectic life. Life used to be like this for us a few years back. It got busier when daughter came into our lives. Then I took a break – it made my life easier but husband was just as busy – commuting or working late. Life, as in fun, normal life just happens on the weekends.

    These days husband is commuting again, so we see him only on the weekends – so it is just as crazy, even though I don’t work- but that does not make me any less busy. And we don’t live in India – it is pretty much a global thing..

    • I was talking about India mainly because, we seem to have hit this problem relatively recently compared to other countries.
      I do agree that even if one of the partners do not ‘work’ it still doesnt change much, because the problems still exist. With both of them working, it kind of adds up because of timings involved and mismatch. I have a whole different view of one of the partner not working..may be fodder for another post 🙂

  4. You know all those talks about work life balance. They are just that – talks. In reality, there are usually three people in a marriage – themselves and their career.
    However, do not let things fall into a routine because that is the worst thing that can happen.
    I have found that two or three things work for us:
    a) We make it a point to get up at least one hour earlier (I am wide awake by 5:30 and my husband is up by 6:30). I finish taking care of my kid and cooking and we go for a walk together. That helps us communicate and enjoy each other’s company. The first three days are the worst, once you get used to it, you will find yourself up easily.
    b) We always make it a point to watch a TV show at night, usually around 10 PM and we talk at times, yes, I usually sleep mid-way through, but some nights we do spend talking.
    c) We always make a point to eat dinner together, even if it means its going to make us late.
    Finally, you have to take a call on how much you want to contribute towards your marriage.
    And we do have a ten month old son to bond us closer together. 🙂

    • in some cases actually 4, two careers 🙂
      Good points, even though we have tried all three and failed, I guess we do have certain things that become a daily habit and which derive pleasure from.
      Still I miss having age old 9 to 5 job, with stress free time in the evening with family

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