Posted in Marriage

On the other side.

Ah! my stomach hurts
Phew! the breakfast today sucks. I want something else
Mom, students are picking on me at school, I wont go to school from now on.
I didn’t sleep well last night, and now my head hurts, do something about it.
Damn!, No power since morning, and we have the cricket match today. Why can’t you give a complaint to KEB
Why does grandmother have to worry about how late I take bath, would you please tell her not to bother.
The waiter has served a coffee which is cold, why can’t you shout at him,
The sheets are dirty and the lunch served is not hot, how can they get away with such service.

Yes, yes. I know you all get the idea. I have listed a bunch of complaints and cribs I used to have. Isn’t it fun complaining?. For a long long time, I have been complaining, to my dad, to my mom. Its almost mechanical, for children to complain to parents. As a child, what I did not notice, was that, it was mechanical for my mom also to complain to my dad. So where does that leave my dad?, who does he complain to?.

Marriage changes our life in many ways, some good and some bad. Its always fun to complain, as long as you are the one who is complaining. [The last part of that has been a more recent realization]. Today when my wife complains to me, I realize how it feels to be complained to, how helpless it makes us feel at times, how irritated we get when the problems are trivial [in my point of view], how frustrated we get when the solutions is not accepted by the complainer, how foolish it feels when the complainer is not even up for solving the problem.

Sometimes I listen to my wife complain, and my mind is shouting back at me. “Hold on, I don’t want to listen, I want to be the one who complains. No, not you, you don’t get to complain to me, I am the one who has the privilege”.

Complaints are mostly a way for us to vent our frustration, in many a cases we are fully aware of the fact that, the other person has absolutely no way of solving the problem. Unfortunately a person who hears the complaint, does not see it in the same light. He is obligated to solve the problem, or dismiss the same. In both the cases listening to complaints lead to a whole lot of irritation

When I think about things in retrospect, everything makes so much more sense. However, in the moment, I just don’t want to listen, I want to escape, I want the other person to stop. The irritation just shows up clean and clear on my face.

I guess marriage needs me grown up in a whole lot of ways.

Until then, I still want to be the one who gets to complain.