Its funny how people end up crossing the line when it comes to principles and ego. For as long as I can remember, I have liked people with strong principles. ‘It does not matter what you believe in, as long as you believe in it strongly’, this has been my motto. I guess growing up in a strong middle-class family has a lot to do with my love for principles. I have seen my grandfather, my mother and then me all having similar outlook, and now I see my son developing into one of our kind.
When I was young, I sounded right to me always, I still do. however, with age, I can spot the times when I am just another stubborn alpha male, who can go to any lengths to prove to myself that, my principles are correct, and I did not lose the battle against it. Whenever there is a clash between me and my mother, many a times I see that more than the ego, it is the clash of principles and how we are not able to convince each other that we are right. The exact same thing happens with me and my son, in which case I win most of the time as he is too young to assert himself. However, I am sure, I will start to lose as he grows up and sticks more to his guns, and as I age I will continue to hate losing even more.
Well wait, did I say lose?.. this is exactly how it turns from the clash of principles to something of winning and losing and alas it has turned into a question of ego.
I remember watching the movie “Mohabbatein”, at an impressionable age when I was smitten by the thought of school romances, my mother had a very different take on the movie. She couldn’t stop crying while watching the scene where Amitabh concedes to the rule breaking Shah Rukh Khan admitting he had been wrong with his principles and discipline, and admits that the colourful happy go lucky hero has the right outlook on life. She could not control her tears, and on probing she revealed to me that, she cannot watch how the ones who insist on right things always lose at the end. I could not relate to her feelings back then, however experience has made me see what she must have felt.
People with strong principles inevitably have strong choices. We just cannot see how anyone can choose, anything else, beyond our reasons for our choice. What we don’t realize is that, every other person is a person on their own, and they have their own sensibilities and their own conviction. Some may have less conviction then others, and may be bullied for a while, however when it comes to what matters to them most, they do stand up for themselves, and when those people happen to be the ones we love the most, the hurt is beyond doubt humongous
When people lose, I guess the most common reaction is denial. The loss is never accepted, and it is always brushed aside with a hope that the loss will turn around into a win. Well life is not a stock market, where our losing stocks can turn around one day. In fact, life is not even a game of win and loss. Denial phase lasts for different periods with different people, and reality takes its own time to sweep in. In many a case, the reality brings with it a feeling that the ship has sailed, and there is no way to get back to the coast. Ego yet again prevents most of us from turning our loss to a win, as we are not willing to take that first step of acceptance.
Having said all this, I still don’t like to lose, I still love my principles, I still get hurt a lot more for sticking onto them.
What shall I say, its one thing to realise, and a whole different thing to act upon it. I guess there will be an age, a person who will make us act open our realisation. If not anyone else, time will play that role.