Posted in Family, Kindred, Life, Moi, Personal, Thoughts, thoughts to think

I want to break free

There was a time, when I used to get to work and do my thing. If there is a problem in what I have done, or what I am supposed to do, I would try to resolve it, to the best of my abilities. I would try, and if it goes beyond my capabilities, I was expected to “flag” it. If there is someone else around me who is working with me, and they are facing a problem, I was not really expected to do anything. If I tried to help them out of my own interest, it was actually a bonus. I would be appreciated for whatever extra I could add. It was my problem, but not really my problem. There were people who were supposed to pitch in these situations, they were the “seniors”, “leads”, “owners”.

Work life was simple.

There was a time, when my job was only to study. If there is any problem in my life, financial, emotional, physical, or any other possible problem that could occur to me, only thing I had to do was try to solve it with the best of my abilities. If not, I was fortunate enough to have a whole bunch of people to complain to, they really considered it their responsibility to help me out. My parents, teachers, cousins, grand parents were all my problem solvers. They were the responsible adults. I was at best a involved adolescent.

Life’s changed a lot over years. When did I end up changing parties?, when did I become the “responsible”

 

Responsible Leader

Responsible Son

Responsible Husband

Responsible Father

 

The list is endless.

 

Why do I feel that I am at a top of a ladder, where everyone else can lookup to me, and only person I can lookup to is the almighty above.

I don’t want to be that person, I want few more people above me, whom I can pass my problems.

I don’t want to be the one at the top, I hate being a topper.

There are times I admit, I don’t know what needs to be done, lets try this. The problem is that, in all those times, I need to be there when the suggestion does not work, and either I need to come up with a new solution and also worry about the time bound for the problem at hand.

I dont want to be that person.

I like to solve problems, when I need not.

For once, I like to think “That is not my problem”

`I want to break free.

Posted in Haiku, Life, Moi, poésie, poetry

A new experience

I lay naked, head down.

Walking in, she closed the doors.

shamlessly, aloof.

 

******************************************************************

A haiku after a long time.

People in my life are always asking me to open myself upto new experiences. Awkwardness is comes natural to some people (read me), believe me there is nothing more awkard then a massage.

Posted in Children, Family, Kindred, Life, Moi, Personal, Randomness, Thoughts, thoughts to think

Age is just a number

People say, age is just a number.

One thing which has noticeably changed with my age is that I have become less fearless. I have consciously chosen double negative, and not called it more fearful. When given a challenge I don’t think I have begun to fear it, however I have become less fearless, I tend to think a lot more about things which could fail and try to take care of risks than I used to before. Many a times, our ability to take risks can help us scale heights, which are not easy if we take a well thought path. I have seen this change in me happen very gradually. I can always try to convince myself that, this is a more mature thing which has come with age, but who am I trying to please here.

As I am grown older, my patience seems to have gone downhill. I was always short on patience front, however I have realized with age it has gone down exponentially. I used to think it is due to parenthood, it is due to working with incompetent people, it is because of having to deal with women in my life, because of the climate. There was one thing common in all my excuses, “me”. I guess I am the one who has changed to worse.

I need people now. I could stay alone months together, but with age, I seem to have become a social animal, rather a family animal. I miss my family way too soon. I miss my son, my wife, my parents. It’s not like, I no longer like solitude. I just want to be home. I guess I am too attached to comforts of familyhood.

Even though I am still a big foodie, and I continue to love eating good food, my willingness to experiment when it comes to food from other countries has gone done a bit. I discovered this over my last few trips abroad. I think I am more concerned about what the food contains, is it really meat free, is it really safe and other questions. I was a lot more liberal when it comes to food few years earlier.

On a positive note, I have become more friendly when it comes to strangers. Eventhough I still hesitate when it comes to actually going out of my way to be social, the intent to meet people and talk to strangers has grown with age. I have made a lot more friends quickly than what I used to do earlier.

People say, age is just a number. Yeah right!.