Today is Father’s day.
I have not been big fan of celebrating things which have been alien to us, Father’s day, Mother’s day these seem made up to me, a means of certain corporations trying to sell things to people by playing on our emotions. That being said, i have to admit, they have been successful in doing so, and these so called “days” appeal to us in a way that they hoped it would.
Last few posts have coincidentally been about based on parenthood, I didnt plan it that way, but it ended up being so. I guess there are mainly two events in a man’s life which changes his perspective in life, one when he get’s married, and “he” officially becomes “we”, second when he becomes a father, and “we” officially becomes “us”. When we become parents, a very customary question which is often asked is “how is parenthood, has it changed you?”. This is one of those questions where a simple question has a profound answer, something which we will take years and years to find an answer to.
Fatherhood has definitely changed me, there is no doubt about it. I have had few people, who are not keen on having kids, ask me sarcastically what did I achieve by adding to the population of the world, even thought I respect their cause of not adding to the world population, I can only pity them for not having the pleasure of learning on their own, the satisfaction and contentment of living parenthood. I have carefully chosen word “living parenthood” because there are a few things in life where the experience in itself is achievement, and that no third person can make us realize that.
One thing I have realized in these years is that, the statement that children are needy, is a myth. I know they depend on us for certain things, they need us to take care of their social, cultural, educational, financial and all other needs, but they are not dependents, they are in need of “things” and not us. Parents are much more needy when it comes to children, then the other way round. They have material needs which end up being fulfilled by parents, it can be taken care by any else too, however parents are much more needy of their children, what we look for in children cannot be satisfied by any other person in this world. The amount of emotional attachment we develop over a period of them growing up is enormous, and they can only feel the same only when they become parents on their own.
I have been a child for my parents, I share a strong bond with my parents especially my father. However, becoming a father has made me realize the kind of needs I had as a child, is so much smaller and insignificant compared to the kind of need I now have as a father.
I have tried to distance myself from the “antu” [stickiness] to my relationships, specially to my son, who I can already see spreading his wings, developing his own mind, his own preferences, his own sense of right and wrong. I know the ball has already got rolling, the day he began his kindergarten, his world is expanding at a pace much faster than I am able to absorb, the kite has taken its flight, and I am just a person who “feels” is in control of the kite’s flight, it is going to be just few more years, before the gusts of life is going detach my wonderful creation into a wide open sky, and I am going to watch it with bitter sweet memories, at the same time as a father I will root for the kite to go beyond the seven skies.
Working from home due to this pandemic has given me a greatest gift for this year’s father’s day. The gift of spending quality time with my son, the gift of playing the role of a father the way I wanted to, holding his hand when I feel like it, hugging him when he wants it, feeding him things he loves, there is no better gift than the satisfaction parenthood brings.
Happy Father’s day!