Posted in "Theory of pursuit", Dilemma, Life, Moi, Personal, Thoughts, thoughts to think

Being Insecure.

I was intrigued by this dialogue in one of the movies that I was watching, “If you were to describe all men with one statement what would that be?” Asks a man. “They all are insecure” answers his wife. I don’t know if the ‘man’ in question was meant to mean people irrespective of gender, I don’t know if it is true with women too, however I think It is true, many men are insecure. I have been insecure most of my life.

Will my hair last till I am 25?

Will I look old in my own wedding?

Will I have enough money when I am about to retire so that I don’t have to depend on anyone?.

Will I have my job for as long as I want to work?.

Will my son grow up to be independent and self sufficient?.

Will I be healthy till I die?.

Will my house last my lifetime?.

Am I satisfying my wife?.

Does she really love me with all her heart?.

Will I be able to eat what I want for the rest of my life?.

Will I be able to afford my healthcare if and when I need it?.

Will my son take care of me?.

I just had to think for a minute, and I could list so many of my insecurities. For as long as I can remember, I have been insecure. 

Are we insecure because we are not confident?, I am not so sure. I have been very confident in many of these aspects, but still it does not drive the insecurity away.

How do we fight insecurity? 

Be more practical?  Be more ignorant?, 

Work harder? Take it light? 

Step back look at the big picture? Zoom in and take a closer look? 

Be philosophical? Be nonchalant? 

Listen to your heart? Listen to what the world has to say? 

We don’t see a definite plan of action, do we?

Men from different classes of life, different educational backgrounds, social backgrounds, religion, country and race seem to have one thing in common. 

Insecurities.

Posted in "Theory of pursuit", Dilemma, Kindred, Life, Moi, Personal, Thoughts, thoughts to think

The Descent

I had heard this in a lecture that two sanskrit words “deha” and “shareera” both used for the ‘body’ mean that in completely opposite ways. Deha means the one that grows, where as shareera means one that withers. I appreciated the beauty of the language, and now I have started appreciating the philosophy behind it.

At one point in our life our growing body transitions into a withering one, and more often than not without any knowledge of it.

Lately I have been of the opinion that this concept does not just apply to our bodies, it very much applies to our minds too.

When I look back at various events in my life, I remember how through most of them I had the feeling ‘this is just the beginning, a lot more good stuff are bound to come.’ Every vacation I enjoyed, I had the many more that are going to come at the back of my mind, every moment in life where I felt the love, deep down I believed there are numerous more on their way, every friendship I enjoyed I never worried about not having a possibility of not making new ones, every place I visited I knew that I had time to visit the same again or better it with an even better place.

I guess my mind has realised the descent. It does experience a sad meloncholy about what were and may never be. More disappointingly, has given in to the fact that the peak may have certainly been passed.

I am not liking this.

The descent

Posted in "Body or Soul", "Theory of pursuit", Admiration, Dilemma, Kindred, Life, Moi, Personal, pure pursuit, Thoughts, thoughts to think

Lets get physical

After almost 10 years of married life, I have realized that apart from immense love and compatibility between couples, one of the mainstays of a happy married life is physical attraction between the couples. I am happy that I still am attracted to my wife physically, and this attraction adds joy to our married life.

Growing up, I have been used to associating guilt with physical attraction. I blame this one my conservative middle class mindset. There are many many ideologies which I am proud of, and I attribute them to conservative middle class upbringing, but I guess this is one of those few which are incorrect notions instilled in young adolescent minds, due to parents not being able to deal with their own attractions. I have always tried to highlight, my attractions to various things in the opposite sex, and none of them have been a lie, I have been attracted to strong oratory skills among women, I have been attracted to women who are bold and stand up to their arguments, I have been attracted to women with a good sense of humor. I have highlighted this in my conversations with my friends and family, I have spoken about these on my blogs. Even thought this is the truth, this is not the entire truth. I have always felt a sense of guilt, in feeling physically attracted to opposite sex, and admitting that. Apart from the feeling the guilt, I have looked down upon people who feel physically attracted or express the same, I have been made to believe this “looking down” is the acceptable norm, and we should morally stick to it. I have realized lately that this is an unhealthy mindset, and should be dealt appropriately from an young age. It is never late to correct one’s mindset, Isn’t it?

Now that I have openly admitted to feeling physical attraction, I want to debunk some of the myths on this subject.

Attraction is a trigger, and not an end. Physical attraction is associated with lust in many minds. Lust in itself is a huge topic, if it is a good or bad. However I don’t think physical attraction is to lust, whereas nonphysical attraction is to love, is a very incorrect association. When a bee gets attracted to a bright colored flower, isn’t that the most natural form of attraction?, so what if it is because of the color or smell of the flower?, is the bee wrong in getting attracted?. Does the bee lust the flower?.

Beauty in all forms, including physical is nature’s gift, and feeling attracted to whatever we fancy is not lust. It is an honest expression of a strong like to a certain subset of what our senses perceive.

Physical attraction does not always mean temptation. I am not sure why it is depicted in all media, especially films and newspaper that a physically attracted male is succumbing to the dark world of temptation. I have been attracted to many people physically after I have been married. To be honest, not even one of them turned out to be a temptation. It was a strong like to certain aspect, which happens to be physical in nature. To give you an example, I get easily impressed by dressing sense of people, especially choice of colors. I think pastel colors like peach, light yellow, pearl white, light rust etc are so pleasing to the eyes that women who wear such colors seem attractive to my eyes. I will always notice the color of people’s clothes and how they carry those colors. One might argue, dressing sense is not a physical attraction, I would argue why not?, should physical attraction be limited to shape of a human body? Or some parts of it?. I am not saying being attracted to that is temptation or bad, its just not a complete definition of physical attraction. If I ever was attraction to human body, which I have been, I feel it is completely natural and nothing wrong with it. I wouldn’t have admitted this a few years ago, I guess age has made me bolder, or may be more truthful.

When poets write at lengths about their admiration for loved ones, the society does not frown upon them, they are not termed indecent. When an young adult admires a classmate’s essay, it is not considered bad, however if he admires classmate’s eye, it is frowned upon. It is considered inappropriate for students. It is not just considered bad by teachers and parents, even the peers make fun of the young mind. What’s wrong in admiring something you get attracted to?. Isn’t that natural?. I am not saying all natural thoughts should be expressed in raw form without the norms of a society, but a sense of shame and guilt instilled for something as pure as physical attraction, is not a fair thing to do. The time I was that age, it was even worse for women. I don’t even know their take on this matter. It must be even more difficult for them to express their attractions. I have heard the times have changed, and young boys and girls growing up in India, these days are more liberal about these things. I would love to hear from someone that age, how today’s youth deals with such topic.

When we walk into a room full of people, what attracts you most physically to a people?. To me, it’s their choice of colors and dressing sense, secondly its their perfume. A whiff of a good perfume always makes my head turn. Sadly, the perfume is associated more and more with seduction. I believe that each of us have our own aroma, and only a few have the skill of enhancing it with just the right dash of perfumes, and at the right regions of their bodies. I have an acute sense of smell, and I get easily drawn to people with good choice of perfumes. Would I call it, I get seduced by them?. Definitely not. I don’t get seduced, I get attracted. Physical attraction is not means to seduce someone, or get seduced. It can be used as a bait, I agree, however not every worm is a bait, or not every fish falls for one.

Lastly when it comes to be crude bodily physical attraction, I have to admit I have been there, done that. But just the fact that I used the word “crude bodily physical attraction” shows how prejudiced this is. My heart says there is nothing wrong with it, it is natural and all of us go through it, there is nothing wrong in admiration of human body, getting attracted by it. My head says, this is just your way of justifying one’s weakness. When did physical attraction become weakness our head?

I would love to hear more from you guys, people growing up with different mindsets, different gender, different country, thoughts are welcome.

Posted in "Theory of pursuit", Dilemma, Life, Marriage, Thoughts, thoughts to think

X,YY,ZZZ

Lets talk about Mr X,

Lets assume X has an extremely strong beliefs, and stands by them no matter what happens. He does not compromise his ideals easily unless he is proven wrong by the opposite party. He lives with a strict set of rules which he has formed over years.

Lets assume that X likes strong women Y, someone who is an “individual”, someone who has an opinion of her own, and can stand by it.

Lets assume X has also the option of Z, who is sort of mild, one who will easily compromise, may be she has an opinion of her own, but might not care too much about it.

does this mean

X + Y = Ego clashes, bad match

X + Z = a normalized relation, good match.

or

X = doomed, single for life.

Just don’t go with the obvious answer which comes to the mind, just think it over a little….its not as straight forward as it appears.

P.S. Guys not sure, why recently I am struck on these He/She subjects…Nope..No I am not getting married..so that is ruled out.

Posted in Dilemma, Kindred, Life, Personal, Questions N Answers, Thoughts, thoughts to think

Harmlessness

When someone feels safe with you, or around you, does it mean that “someone” considers you harmless.?

now let me add a little something to the above question.

When someone feels safe with you, or around you, does it mean that “someone” considers you harmless.? or does it mean that “someone” considers you not capable of doing any harm.

Posted in "Fifty Five Words ", Dilemma, poésie, poetry

Shades of a curious mind

A battle of bigwigs
With no clear upperhand.

Curiosity all around,
Which would “one” choose,
The ever beautiful “mind“,
Or the always satisfying “body“.

I think my temptation caved in,
Killing the curiosity.

Like all other’s from the history,
The curiosity won.

Curious colors of mind,
With colors unseen,
Shades unvisited.

A clear winner indeed.
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The prompt over at writer’s island this week is curiosity..hope this gelled with the prompt 🙂

Posted in "Fifty Five Words ", "Heads or Tails", Dilemma, Kindred, Moi, poésie, poetry

Platonic lines

A rough wall
and a harder core.

It ain’t no simple
Still, lots to question

Do you let them in,
How far?.
Do you shed your inhibitions,
How much?.
Do you need to censor yourself,
What for?.

Skeptical “me“.

When it comes to friendship
The question always eludes
Where to draw the line.

The “line”.

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The topic over at skittles today is “line” for heads or tails. I generally don’t do poetry for HoT, but todays kind of an exception, could not think anything else but this for the topic. As usual I have limited my expression to 55 words.