Category Archives: Kindred

Through our eyes

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When a child is born, the first thing that comes to people’s mind, is who does he/she resemble. There are elaborate discussions and arguments as to who the child resembles the most. Even though it starts with the appearance, the hunt for resembles stretches far from the looks, deep into every single behavioral pattern the child exhibits. Over years I have seen many parts of India, and some parts of the world outside. This practice of trying to find the resemblance is almost universal.
Even though the child is a complete individual, and will develop his/her own attitude and outlook towards world in a due course of time, I love the idea of trying to tag his/her behavior to one or more people in the family. We all know that no one lasts forever, and a day would come when we have to say goodbye to our dear ones, if not already done. Our memories of our dear ones too do not last long, with time the memories are meant to fade away. This simple act of seeing everyone we once adored, and every aspect of them which we identified them with, with our own children and grandchildren, we found an easy way to make sure our memories last our lifetime.
Every time my son picks up an almost inaudible sound, we see my mom in him. Every time he goes out to the street and picks up a conversation with a complete stranger he reminds me of my dad, every time he assumes every conversation people are having concerns him he reminds me of my grandmother, his style of looking at things is straight from my other grandmother, and his taste in food is my own copy.
We are not sure, how many of these are really true similarities, but to us they are true. With him, we see our grandparents walking right around us, long after they are gone; with him we will see our parents after they are gone.

A snug fit

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If we were to partition what we need/want from people/relationships into various partitions, Into how many of them does one’s spouse fit into?. Into how many of them do others walk in?, Into how many of them do we let others walk in?.

Should one be happy if the spouse fits into many of these partitions?.
Should one be happy if they dont, and he/she can add many others who fit in naturally into these?.
Should one try to alter the spouse by changing their interests and outlook to be able to fit into more of these partitions?.
Should one be happy letting them fit only into those, where they fit naturally?.

Remains

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Things change (period). He had been telling himself for over years now, every single time he wanted to get back to what he had, be who he was, meet people who were, do things he did, the way he did, with people he was used to doing it with. He wanted what once was, and will never be again. It was not a question of familiarity, nor was a question of comfort. It was to do with holding on, it was a question of letting go, it was do with making it last a bit more. Roles, relationships, work, money, hobbies, wants, likes, clothes, people, equations, his outlook on things, his attitude, his priority and his values, everything had changed.
Yet ‘he’ remained.

A dash of life

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Have you ever tried to blot a pool of water on the floor. The water trying to find a new path around the cloth, and the cloth trying to blot as much of water as possible. Every time you try to move the cloth around, water finds its way around too. Still at the end of it the cloth takes in a big dash of water, as much as it can. Life is a lot like the flowing water, and I want to be the cloth which absorbs as much as it can.

 Life, to me, is a bunch of experiences, some new, some old, some routine and mundane, some exciting and curious. There has been times I have asked myself, and people have asked me, as to why should we do something, or something like we do this and then what?. The answer to these questions have been different at various ages of my mind. Today as we speak, my answer to all those questions has been a single word “experience”. Why should we get married?, experience. Why should I travel, “experience”. Why should I try new food “experience”. You name it, the answer is experience. The only thing which remains after the goal is achieved is the experience, and there can be no question as to “what do I gain from experience”, because the answer is experience. This is one of those rare things where the journey and destination are the same, and no matter what path you choose you will always reach the destination which is experience. So if we go with my current theory that life is a bunch of experience. It makes it  a lot easy to answer the question. “what do I want from life”. The answer is experience, whatever the life gives me its gonna be experience, if I get what I want from it its gonna be an experience, if not thats gonna be an experience too. What I want though is to be able to absorb as much as possible from my experiences.
There is a lot of things I want to experience, To begin with, I would love to meet new people, Some would turn into acquaintances, some relationships, some would turn into unknown bonds, some would just fizz out. But I want to be able to experience the human equations, I have spent a lot of time running away from it, but now is the time to make mends to it.
 
Travel is another area which I never run out of experiences from. People we meet, the place, the weather, the food. Its a whole palette of life thrown into a platter for a jumbo size serving. I wish I could travel more both with my family and alone, because I always enjoy company and being alone. Work travels always gives me a perspective which I never get when I am with family. It also opens up a window, where I can seek out to meet people which I would not do If I had company.
Assuming roles has given me a great new perspective in life. Be it being a father, a mentor at work, being a husband, a son, a son in law. There has always been a change with the role. Even being a friend has role changes over years, there was a time when we had surreal friendships, with no insight into each other, now with years on our side, we can think and discuss on deeper things. Internet and blogworld gave me a whole bunch of roles on line with people whom I had hardly met. It is a part of my life which is very close to my heart, because it gave me a rich dash of experiences at a time I was facing tough inter personal choices and questions.
Books have also added to my experiences. They have given me the ability to imagine situations and characters, debate ion behaviors and mindsets of a wide variety of people. It also provides a new outlook on possibilities and extremes to which world can get into.
When you look at life on the whole, the short term things like a problem at work [by problem I mean a work item which is bothering us], a promotion which I am aiming for, an electronic gadget that I want to buy, the house that I want to build etc seem insignificant. But they are not, each of these give you such rich experience, that one ends up thoroughly enjoying it. So when I order my favorite cup of coffee at a near by joint, I want to be able to enjoy the experience as much , as I would enjoy a complex relationship with a friend. When I solve an issue working two hours at a stretch I am as much delighted with the result, as the one at the end of a two week vacation to Himalayas.
If I have not got there, I should get there.
I do want to be wash cloth that blots the life.
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A friend asked me “What do you want from life”. It was out of blue and I was wordless, it was too profound a question to be answered with a few words or being decisive in answering it. I took about a week to arrive at something which shouldn’t have taken a lot of thinking. Even though I haven’t blogged in ages, nor connected with any of my blog friends lately, I thought it might interest someone out there.

Just an other question.. or is it?

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Its been 12 days and still I haven’t got a good word out of me, not that I am running low on thoughts, just haven’t been writing. I keep telling people who ask me about my absence from the blog world that I am busy, which I actually am, lots and lots of work, but when I can make some time to read not one but two books in a fortnight, watch two movies over the weekend, hit the state fair, why is it that I am not writing. The question still puzzles me a bit, why I am not writing.

I guess one way to deal with it, is to just forget about it and spit whats on your mind.

Well this is not something which is on my mind right now. This is more of something which will be on my mind for quite sometime from now. It all began with one wise lady making a statement. Here I quote her “There is a thin line between wanting to know everything and caring“.

I have been thinking about it for a while now, how many times have I crossed that line, how many times have I asked too much, how many times have I intruded someone in the name of caring, how many times have I told myself that wasn’t intrusion but just that I am a little more passionate.

It’s tough to answer these questions isn’t it, because if we were to know it was intrusion may be we wouldn’t have gone ahead with it, if we knew this question takes us past the line we wouldn’t ask it.

Here comes the tricky part, when you see your line is being crossed, and your loved one is crossing the line, and he/she doesnt even know about it, would you let the person cross the line?, or just be a little stern and let them know about it.

I know the obvious answer, does seem to be, to let them know about it. It’s always good to be honest in a relationship, but then we have to take one thing into consideration here, you might be hurting the other person. Nah I dont believe that the people should be strong enough to take the truth, the truth is that no man/woman really want to know the truth, not when it is bitter, not in all its bitterness. I guess most of us like our truth to be given to us with a little sugar coating, in right dosages and in sort of a way which would boot start us in the right direction. If it weren’t for the sugar-coated pills, so many of us would have preferred to die a horrible death, then take the bitter medicine.

Coming back to the topic of intrusion, I am one of those who hates being questioned. I have always hated when my mom’s questions, and never answered her with a straight face, but then when it comes to asking them, am worse than my mom. I can be really inquisitive. The statement the lady made really made me wonder how many times I have come across as being intrusive.

One just doesn’t see under their own nose, do they?.

Ounces of happiness.

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I have had more than one occasions in recent past, where I have felt immense happiness from things which may otherwise be not even visible to me or to others.

At times it has been the tone of a voice, or a want of an explanation, a hint of possessiveness, a feeling of rage, or even for that matter ability to fight to stand up for oneself, a little showcase of vulnerabilities, sharing insecurities, or for that matter a little want of togetherness, and discovery of a feeling which is mutual.

I think we all are wired to feel happy, and tend to find happiness in every single corner of our life, may be its because of that we end up feeling unhappy, because we are always in quest for happiness.
So one might ask is happiness overrated? is it that we tend to focus too much on happiness, making us want it so much that we end up being unhappy?.

Sometimes I have a feeling that happiness is a sort of weakness, which we stumble upon easily. Even a slight hint, we pounce on it like as though we spotted gold, and try to dig as much we can out of it. Take it home, clean it, put it in a safe, making sure it lasts as much as it can, and try to shield it from wear and tear of daily life.

I write this post, knowing well, that swords are always on the edge, and tomorrow is always a mystery. I am not sure about the fate of the little ounces of happiness which I have found recently, nor am I aware if they will last a long time.

This time I really don’t want to shield it, I want to leave the pot of gold out in the open, if it sparkles forever then I couldn’t ask for anything more. If it disappears tomorrow when I wake up, I guess I would be satisfied for enjoying it in the most natural way I could have done it.

All I could do right now, is be thankful, and enjoy it.

Random Randomness #1/09

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Random irks:
A very common notion about people who work in the IT wing, is that they work very late, they are always busy, they never come home on time, and they always miss a social gathering, or make a customary late visit. In fact, even people who work in the IT industry and know what goes on in our lives, believe that this is the case. Even though I do not deny it fully, I think this is not really true always, we have a lot of work pressure and even work at weird times to match our clients, but then its untrue that we work late everyday, or cannot make it to a social gathering. I have taken this wrong notion to my advantage many times, to avoid going to places where otherwise I would be obligated to go. Sometimes it annoys me though, when you go to attend a birthday party, or a marriage reception of people who matter to you, or sometimes you are bored, and just want to meet people, and they come up to you and say, how come you are early today. GUYS! 8PM is NOT early, and no please don’t give me a look as if you think I am jobless.

 Random troubles:
There are people who can be totally grumpy looking, or if not grumpy just not happy looking, and then you put them in front of the camera, and they can fake amazing smiles, OK I know not all people fake, so lets say some people can just smile heartily in front of the camera. There are others like me, who have not been taught how to smile for the camera, you put me in front of it, and the stiffness automatically creeps in you know, the kind of look on your face when you get summoned into the head master’s office or something. And then the photographer would go, sir smile please, as if I didn’t know I had to, and then I try the best I can, and then the adjustments with the frame begin, sir look straight, down a bit, a little left, a little right, at the end of all this, he expects me still remain smiling?, what am I? Jim Carry?.. Anyways, so at end he asks me to smile again, and I try my level best, and there he clicks. Worst 10 minutes of that day I suppose. No wait, the worst is yet to come, in a small pack of 4 replicas, and the worst, me, smiling like a cartoon.

Random visualizations:
We all have a vision, or ought to right?, but there are some visions we get, for which we have no clue, what they mean, or what they are supposed to mean, or why are we seeing them. 
Every night, I have this practice of closing my eyes and then trying to see things in the dark, before I sleep. And invariably every time I close my eyes, I see a tree, or something shaped like it. 
A single guy like me, is supposed to be seeing lsomeone ike a film star or a celebrity if not naked ladies, or a woman he likes, or atleast the girl next door, but no, every time I close my eyes, I see a tree. 
Try this at home, close your eyes and try to see in the dirk, lets see what do you see.

 Random Realizations:
Speaking of birthday parties, I recently attended a 60th birthday of one of my uncle, and one thing that struck me was that, for as long as I can remember I have never cut a cake, lets leave out first seven years of my life, I don’t remember much as to how I celebrated my birthday back then, but then onwards I don’t remember a single occurrence when I cut cake. Well actually I am not repenting or either hinting that I missed out on things, but just realized that I haven’t. 

 Random wonders:
What is this thing with women and haircuts, no I am not bothered about the haircuts women get themselves, it’s the constant nagging of women to get their husbands get one, actually its generic, not just husbands, to guys in general. I have had this umpteen occasions when I have heard from my mom, why don’t you go get yourself a haircut, ok I agree its not MOM like if they leave us with a long hair, but then you know I don’t sport long hair, Infact throughout I have had short hair, but then if I let them grow by a weak too more,  she is behind my back. Its not just her, every one of my female cousins, and wives of my male cousins who are generally very close to me, come up with this line time to time, “why haven’t you gone for a hair cut this time”, or something like, why don’t you both get a hair cut done [This is a collective proposal, throwing in my cousin, their husband along with me]. I always wonder, what’s with women and haircuts.

Random thoughts:
Why are kids wired this way?, you know you look at them and they can be so pleasant, almost adorable, and the same kids can be at times the worst nightmares, you know how much they can trouble you, what must go on in their minds I wonder, what makes them do things they do, what makes them to be so stubborn for things. Every time I see a badly behaved kids, invariably my blame goes to their parents, and I at times pity them, you know it must be really embarrassing for them having to put up with really badly behaved kids, and how bad they must be feeling when they are outside in other’s house, and kids kind of screw up their image. I have a bad tolerance level when it comes to people, even grown up adults, I wonder how, I would handle, a badly behaved kid, if I were to be responsible for them.