Category Archives: Kindred

What have we done?

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Newspapers are full of this, and yet no one seems to mind. There are a bunch of people celebrating, and another bunch lamenting this, however who I am worried about, are those in between. No I am not talking about Karnataka elections, and no I am not talking about RCB losing yet another year, I am not talking about the united front trying to fight the might of Mr Modi, nor the noisy unruly media trying to be senseless about all sensitive issues. I am talking about numerous board exams, and innumerable toppers shining in those exams.

I look at my 5 year old son, and I am worried. I hate the fact that we have bought him into an environment which reminds me of the novel Hunger Games. He is going to be one of the tributes in this dangerous game, and unfortunately this does not have just 2 from each district like the novel, but thousands of young kids cutting each other’s throat in an attempt to win a lottery called survival. He got the taste of it already, as he had to compete with age, religion, caste, money and lineage to make his first score, ‘admission’ into pre-kg. There used to be a time, when money was the biggest evil, the one holding the bight future away from many of the bright kids, and it was thought of, as the most evil thing that mankind has seen. Man, where we wrong.

I remember my father telling me, how an average student he was, and in his own sweet words trying to explain how being average is no longer enough. This was in the early 90s. I did not realise how difficult it would have been for him to expect and request his son to score a seat in the reputed college to make sure I make a decent living in the future. I did not see a big fuss in that, all my father was asking of me, was to make sure I score good enough to get a seat, my aim was much higher, I didnt care about scoring high, I wanted to score high enough to be able to go top school, the school closest to my house so that we don’t need to spend more on my living expenses. How outdated my struggle sounds.

What do I tell my son now?, let alone 10 years later when he is truly going to come to face the first big battle. Above average is going to make you a failure?, 95s are not enough?, your budget in terms of losing is 1 to 3 marks in the grand total and then hoping that all his competition slips a bit and looses 5-6 marks?. Getting marks is just a thing which he can control,  however he should also hope that his dad keeps his job and makes enough money to be able to pay for his college without having to sell his kidney?.

I have never been afraid of competition, infact it has always made me fight harder. The taste of every small win, has egged me on to make a bigger sash in trying to carve a bigger chunk of my share of the cheese. I really want our future generation to be able to breathe, and not really gasp all the time. I want my son to play his way through education, and not really run a marathon through this stampede. I would like him to believe that he is in a race, where he can win with pleasure, if and when he plays straight. I don’t want him to start seeing how this is a race where no one wins, and every one is here to lose.

I hope we abolish this hunger games. We don’t need our children to be tributes, no not in our capitol.

 

 

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Acceptance

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Acceptance, why is this so hard?.

Accept, you are stretching way too beyond your limit

Accept, relationships do not run without time

Accept, you are not a super man

Accept, kids don’t develop bonds without you being part of their childhood

Accept, spouse can only be as accommodative as they can

Accept, friendships loose zing, when you have nothing in common.

Accept, even your favourite hobbies don’t stay fun, if you don’t spend time on it

Accept, food does not taste good, if your mind is debugging a work related problem

Accept, slowing down IS an option.

It is out there to see, everyone else is able to see it, and yet, you refuse to accept. Is it the ego?, is it your way of fighting it, or is it just a way of looking away, with a hope that it would magically vanish when you turn back.

How much ever you day dream, going back in time is not an option. Acceptance is the only solution.

Damn you stupid logic!

Through our eyes

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When a child is born, the first thing that comes to people’s mind, is who does he/she resemble. There are elaborate discussions and arguments as to who the child resembles the most. Even though it starts with the appearance, the hunt for resembles stretches far from the looks, deep into every single behavioral pattern the child exhibits. Over years I have seen many parts of India, and some parts of the world outside. This practice of trying to find the resemblance is almost universal.
Even though the child is a complete individual, and will develop his/her own attitude and outlook towards world in a due course of time, I love the idea of trying to tag his/her behavior to one or more people in the family. We all know that no one lasts forever, and a day would come when we have to say goodbye to our dear ones, if not already done. Our memories of our dear ones too do not last long, with time the memories are meant to fade away. This simple act of seeing everyone we once adored, and every aspect of them which we identified them with, with our own children and grandchildren, we found an easy way to make sure our memories last our lifetime.
Every time my son picks up an almost inaudible sound, we see my mom in him. Every time he goes out to the street and picks up a conversation with a complete stranger he reminds me of my dad, every time he assumes every conversation people are having concerns him he reminds me of my grandmother, his style of looking at things is straight from my other grandmother, and his taste in food is my own copy.
We are not sure, how many of these are really true similarities, but to us they are true. With him, we see our grandparents walking right around us, long after they are gone; with him we will see our parents after they are gone.

A snug fit

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If we were to partition what we need/want from people/relationships into various partitions, Into how many of them does one’s spouse fit into?. Into how many of them do others walk in?, Into how many of them do we let others walk in?.

Should one be happy if the spouse fits into many of these partitions?.
Should one be happy if they dont, and he/she can add many others who fit in naturally into these?.
Should one try to alter the spouse by changing their interests and outlook to be able to fit into more of these partitions?.
Should one be happy letting them fit only into those, where they fit naturally?.

Remains

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Things change (period). He had been telling himself for over years now, every single time he wanted to get back to what he had, be who he was, meet people who were, do things he did, the way he did, with people he was used to doing it with. He wanted what once was, and will never be again. It was not a question of familiarity, nor was a question of comfort. It was to do with holding on, it was a question of letting go, it was do with making it last a bit more. Roles, relationships, work, money, hobbies, wants, likes, clothes, people, equations, his outlook on things, his attitude, his priority and his values, everything had changed.
Yet ‘he’ remained.

A dash of life

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Have you ever tried to blot a pool of water on the floor. The water trying to find a new path around the cloth, and the cloth trying to blot as much of water as possible. Every time you try to move the cloth around, water finds its way around too. Still at the end of it the cloth takes in a big dash of water, as much as it can. Life is a lot like the flowing water, and I want to be the cloth which absorbs as much as it can.

 Life, to me, is a bunch of experiences, some new, some old, some routine and mundane, some exciting and curious. There has been times I have asked myself, and people have asked me, as to why should we do something, or something like we do this and then what?. The answer to these questions have been different at various ages of my mind. Today as we speak, my answer to all those questions has been a single word “experience”. Why should we get married?, experience. Why should I travel, “experience”. Why should I try new food “experience”. You name it, the answer is experience. The only thing which remains after the goal is achieved is the experience, and there can be no question as to “what do I gain from experience”, because the answer is experience. This is one of those rare things where the journey and destination are the same, and no matter what path you choose you will always reach the destination which is experience. So if we go with my current theory that life is a bunch of experience. It makes it  a lot easy to answer the question. “what do I want from life”. The answer is experience, whatever the life gives me its gonna be experience, if I get what I want from it its gonna be an experience, if not thats gonna be an experience too. What I want though is to be able to absorb as much as possible from my experiences.
There is a lot of things I want to experience, To begin with, I would love to meet new people, Some would turn into acquaintances, some relationships, some would turn into unknown bonds, some would just fizz out. But I want to be able to experience the human equations, I have spent a lot of time running away from it, but now is the time to make mends to it.
 
Travel is another area which I never run out of experiences from. People we meet, the place, the weather, the food. Its a whole palette of life thrown into a platter for a jumbo size serving. I wish I could travel more both with my family and alone, because I always enjoy company and being alone. Work travels always gives me a perspective which I never get when I am with family. It also opens up a window, where I can seek out to meet people which I would not do If I had company.
Assuming roles has given me a great new perspective in life. Be it being a father, a mentor at work, being a husband, a son, a son in law. There has always been a change with the role. Even being a friend has role changes over years, there was a time when we had surreal friendships, with no insight into each other, now with years on our side, we can think and discuss on deeper things. Internet and blogworld gave me a whole bunch of roles on line with people whom I had hardly met. It is a part of my life which is very close to my heart, because it gave me a rich dash of experiences at a time I was facing tough inter personal choices and questions.
Books have also added to my experiences. They have given me the ability to imagine situations and characters, debate ion behaviors and mindsets of a wide variety of people. It also provides a new outlook on possibilities and extremes to which world can get into.
When you look at life on the whole, the short term things like a problem at work [by problem I mean a work item which is bothering us], a promotion which I am aiming for, an electronic gadget that I want to buy, the house that I want to build etc seem insignificant. But they are not, each of these give you such rich experience, that one ends up thoroughly enjoying it. So when I order my favorite cup of coffee at a near by joint, I want to be able to enjoy the experience as much , as I would enjoy a complex relationship with a friend. When I solve an issue working two hours at a stretch I am as much delighted with the result, as the one at the end of a two week vacation to Himalayas.
If I have not got there, I should get there.
I do want to be wash cloth that blots the life.
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A friend asked me “What do you want from life”. It was out of blue and I was wordless, it was too profound a question to be answered with a few words or being decisive in answering it. I took about a week to arrive at something which shouldn’t have taken a lot of thinking. Even though I haven’t blogged in ages, nor connected with any of my blog friends lately, I thought it might interest someone out there.

Just an other question.. or is it?

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Its been 12 days and still I haven’t got a good word out of me, not that I am running low on thoughts, just haven’t been writing. I keep telling people who ask me about my absence from the blog world that I am busy, which I actually am, lots and lots of work, but when I can make some time to read not one but two books in a fortnight, watch two movies over the weekend, hit the state fair, why is it that I am not writing. The question still puzzles me a bit, why I am not writing.

I guess one way to deal with it, is to just forget about it and spit whats on your mind.

Well this is not something which is on my mind right now. This is more of something which will be on my mind for quite sometime from now. It all began with one wise lady making a statement. Here I quote her “There is a thin line between wanting to know everything and caring“.

I have been thinking about it for a while now, how many times have I crossed that line, how many times have I asked too much, how many times have I intruded someone in the name of caring, how many times have I told myself that wasn’t intrusion but just that I am a little more passionate.

It’s tough to answer these questions isn’t it, because if we were to know it was intrusion may be we wouldn’t have gone ahead with it, if we knew this question takes us past the line we wouldn’t ask it.

Here comes the tricky part, when you see your line is being crossed, and your loved one is crossing the line, and he/she doesnt even know about it, would you let the person cross the line?, or just be a little stern and let them know about it.

I know the obvious answer, does seem to be, to let them know about it. It’s always good to be honest in a relationship, but then we have to take one thing into consideration here, you might be hurting the other person. Nah I dont believe that the people should be strong enough to take the truth, the truth is that no man/woman really want to know the truth, not when it is bitter, not in all its bitterness. I guess most of us like our truth to be given to us with a little sugar coating, in right dosages and in sort of a way which would boot start us in the right direction. If it weren’t for the sugar-coated pills, so many of us would have preferred to die a horrible death, then take the bitter medicine.

Coming back to the topic of intrusion, I am one of those who hates being questioned. I have always hated when my mom’s questions, and never answered her with a straight face, but then when it comes to asking them, am worse than my mom. I can be really inquisitive. The statement the lady made really made me wonder how many times I have come across as being intrusive.

One just doesn’t see under their own nose, do they?.