Category Archives: Marriage

Vacation

Standard

He dreaded the routine that was awaiting him, this being the last day of their vacation
The number of days she would take, to overcome the guilt of an expensive vacation occupied her mind
As the sheets slid from her face, revealing the slightest hint of a smile, his face lit up

Advertisements

A snug fit

Standard

If we were to partition what we need/want from people/relationships into various partitions, Into how many of them does one’s spouse fit into?. Into how many of them do others walk in?, Into how many of them do we let others walk in?.

Should one be happy if the spouse fits into many of these partitions?.
Should one be happy if they dont, and he/she can add many others who fit in naturally into these?.
Should one try to alter the spouse by changing their interests and outlook to be able to fit into more of these partitions?.
Should one be happy letting them fit only into those, where they fit naturally?.

On the other side.

Standard

Ah! my stomach hurts
Phew! the breakfast today sucks. I want something else
Mom, students are picking on me at school, I wont go to school from now on.
I didn’t sleep well last night, and now my head hurts, do something about it.
Damn!, No power since morning, and we have the cricket match today. Why can’t you give a complaint to KEB
Why does grandmother have to worry about how late I take bath, would you please tell her not to bother.
The waiter has served a coffee which is cold, why can’t you shout at him,
The sheets are dirty and the lunch served is not hot, how can they get away with such service.

Yes, yes. I know you all get the idea. I have listed a bunch of complaints and cribs I used to have. Isn’t it fun complaining?. For a long long time, I have been complaining, to my dad, to my mom. Its almost mechanical, for children to complain to parents. As a child, what I did not notice, was that, it was mechanical for my mom also to complain to my dad. So where does that leave my dad?, who does he complain to?.

Marriage changes our life in many ways, some good and some bad. Its always fun to complain, as long as you are the one who is complaining. [The last part of that has been a more recent realization]. Today when my wife complains to me, I realize how it feels to be complained to, how helpless it makes us feel at times, how irritated we get when the problems are trivial [in my point of view], how frustrated we get when the solutions is not accepted by the complainer, how foolish it feels when the complainer is not even up for solving the problem.

Sometimes I listen to my wife complain, and my mind is shouting back at me. “Hold on, I don’t want to listen, I want to be the one who complains. No, not you, you don’t get to complain to me, I am the one who has the privilege”.

Complaints are mostly a way for us to vent our frustration, in many a cases we are fully aware of the fact that, the other person has absolutely no way of solving the problem. Unfortunately a person who hears the complaint, does not see it in the same light. He is obligated to solve the problem, or dismiss the same. In both the cases listening to complaints lead to a whole lot of irritation

When I think about things in retrospect, everything makes so much more sense. However, in the moment, I just don’t want to listen, I want to escape, I want the other person to stop. The irritation just shows up clean and clear on my face.

I guess marriage needs me grown up in a whole lot of ways.

Until then, I still want to be the one who gets to complain.

To Guard or not to Guard

Standard

Its been a week since I posted, and I am actually feeling sad to have not blogged for a week. I am also happy, that I am feeling sad about not blogging, because over the last couple of years I had stopped feeling that. Anyhow..I will stop being happy/sad in spirals and continue with the post I guess.

One of these days I was wondering what should a man in his late twenties, one who has been single for a long time, change his conduct, mannerisms after his marriage.

Being unmarried gives us a lot of liberty, we don’t have really think before we strike up a conversation with opposite sex at the work place, or on the commute. Not just the conversation, even when someone beautiful and attractive passes by and catches your attention, the way your mind reacts, everything comes out natural.

When I got married, In the initial days I was very conscious about how I come across to people of opposite sex, I was conscious not to appear interested, and curb my natural tendency to mix humor in my talk. I don’t see a logic behind why I did that, but it just happened. During many a conversation, I used to remember half way through that I had forgotten about my guard. I have blogged many a times about how I do not get flirting, nor understand if anything I do appears to be flirting. So may be my mind was putting down a guard to make sure I don’t flirt.

When someone appears attractive to you, or when their persona strikes you, its normal tendency to want to talk to them, or get to know them. Not all those attraction have romantic interests. In fact most of them have no romantic interests. But how does one change his/her outlook towards this subject after being married. More importantly should one change his outlook?.

The virtual life is a whole new ball game. Anybody who reads my blogs can see, almost all of my readers are women. In fact I did a poll too as to why it is so. Since I have a habit of exchanging comments on the blog and also with some of the old blogger friends on the gtalk, I end up chatting with a lot of women. Well, Now that my online time is so limited, it might have gone down drastically but still. I was chatting with an old blogger friend yesterday, and was feeling so conscious about what I speak. I met this person on gtalk after ages, and I was finding uneasy about my self censorship. Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing even close to romance or attraction of any kind involved, but then its just kind of odd.

Should a man guard himself after being married
So how much should a man guard himself after marriage, where to draw the line, or should there be a line in the first place
Am I just going nuts about something which is blown totally out of proportion [I have been guilty of exaggerating things :)]

Storm

Standard

Sparks went flying as the lightening struck the sky

A moment, and it was gone,

Thunders were silenced,

That which began like a storm,

had now trickled into a drizzle.

They lay next to each other half naked,

each blaming the other,

for the storm that never came.

A Weekend Marriage

Standard

People have redefined “work” in India today, for a commoner it’s no longer a job which pays for his life. It has become his life. People are no longer satisfied with jobs, they want careers. Job security, instability of money, raising costs, and ambition have made people take work very seriously. People are enjoying benefits of professionalism and extreme focus. No wonder India is on a raise in the global map.

The question is , “at what cost”.

Being an ambitious career oriented person, I have seen how many aspects of my life are being ignored because of work, when I am swamped with work I have no time and when I have some time off work, all I want to do is relax. I shouldn’t be complaining though, or atleast the credit to my bank at the end of every month tempts me not to complain.

Any relationship in todays India, has to go through the influence from this ‘work’ hysteria, and marriages are the most affected.

Considering both me and my wife are cubeland dwellers, there are many a days where I have been left wondering, what happens to marriage on weekdays. Running to work early in the morning, leaves just time enough for breakfast. Running back from work to get into calls and discussions leaves me with no time to talk to my wife. My wife on the other hand comes home way after I get in, and the poor soul has about an hour before her eyes close involuntarily. Many a days we literally have no common time when we can make a conversation, let alone a meaningful one. When we have time for a conversation, neither of us are in a mental state to make a decent conversation.
When my mind is beaming with thoughts and ideas, I see she is down with her own work pressures. When she comes home all excited to talk about something, she finds me on call. I have seen the disappointment on her face when such a thing happens. But there is no way out.

Weekdays are just mechanical function of time, with each of us engulfed in our own space.

Weekends are the only time when we can actually realize we are married, and we have a married life between us, or rather we have a life. When I used to read such articles in print, I used to think of it as an exaggerated piece from people who want to crib about everything, but now I totally get the idea/reason behind DINK couples. When we have no time for our spouses how can we muster time for kids?. There have been weeks, where I have realized I haven’t had a conversation with my wife other than answering her questions and  vice versa.

This makes me wonder, in today’s India, are we all part of a weekend marriage.

Aside

One my friends had an interesting post over here. She had a question which every married couple would have had at one point of their marriage, why does one need to have kids?. Its a very common and a simple question right?, it did make me think hard, and I actually had to struggle because I haven’t thought on that subject before, I didn’t have an opinion on that too, I ended up having a conversation with myself of possible answers and counter questions, here’s what I thought.

Why should we have kids?

A: What if our parents had thought on the same lines? we wouldnt be here right?.

Q: I wouldnt be here, so what?, not that I made a noticeable difference to the world. Some people have had a great impact on the world, but how common are such people?, would it really harm if I weren’t born?.

A: We would need kids to support us in the old age.

Q: we always want our children to have the best of the things, that would mean we would want them to pursue whatever they like and is beneficial to them, how often does this result in them moving to far off places, will they really be capable to take care of us?, Considering the number of people who do not really care about their parents, this would sound like too optimistic a reason to have kids

A: We need kids to keep our family name and family alive

Q: Sorry I am neither a TATA, nor a Ambani that my family name/fame/wealth will get strangled if I dont have a kid, infact there are enough people in my family to take it forward.

A: As a couple we are expected to

Q: As a person there is a lot of expectation from me, would I end up satisfying all of them?, wouldn’t I choose only those I feel like doing?, so why is this so special?

A: Its the natural next step after marriage.

Q:If I had married thinking marriage is the natural next step after job, this answer would have been valid

A: This is just a side effect of a pleasure activity

Q: Come on we are advanced enough to counter the side effect.

A:I like kids

Q: This probably makes a little sense. I love kids, I like being with them, playing taking care, all activities about kids appeal to me, I wish I had a kid of my own. If you have ever thought on above lines I guess you probably have a right reason to have kids, but still I have question that just loving kids may not be the only reason why one should have them.

Having said all this, I think this is why I[rambler] would like to have kids somewhere. When I got married I had a feeling that I would like the relationship I am getting into, and such an intimate one would surely provide me happiness. Quest for happiness is the sole reason behind almost everything we do. So kids too would be for the same reason. I would like to have a kid because I think they would make me happy. I know there are numerous sorrows and risks possible because of kids, but then don’t we all take risks for sake of happiness?.

Every role we play help in our growth as an individual, and I think being a parent is the ultimate teacher. Being responsible for someone scares the shit out of us, but then we also take challenges and learn our way through it. Just like we have grown a lot over our relationships with our parents, wife, friends etc, kids to provide a tremendous growth.  I have a feeling they are going to leave us richer, in terms of knowledge and emotions.

Of course we all have to be ready before we plunge into decisions, and not everyone would feel the same as me about kids. But there is one think which I am sure everyone would agree. The reason to have a kid, should never be that someone wants you to have one, even when that someone is your own parent.

Answers and Questions