After almost 10 years of married life, I have realized that apart from immense love and compatibility between couples, one of the mainstays of a happy married life is physical attraction between the couples. I am happy that I still am attracted to my wife physically, and this attraction adds joy to our married life.
Growing up, I have been used to associating guilt with physical attraction. I blame this one my conservative middle class mindset. There are many many ideologies which I am proud of, and I attribute them to conservative middle class upbringing, but I guess this is one of those few which are incorrect notions instilled in young adolescent minds, due to parents not being able to deal with their own attractions. I have always tried to highlight, my attractions to various things in the opposite sex, and none of them have been a lie, I have been attracted to strong oratory skills among women, I have been attracted to women who are bold and stand up to their arguments, I have been attracted to women with a good sense of humor. I have highlighted this in my conversations with my friends and family, I have spoken about these on my blogs. Even thought this is the truth, this is not the entire truth. I have always felt a sense of guilt, in feeling physically attracted to opposite sex, and admitting that. Apart from the feeling the guilt, I have looked down upon people who feel physically attracted or express the same, I have been made to believe this “looking down” is the acceptable norm, and we should morally stick to it. I have realized lately that this is an unhealthy mindset, and should be dealt appropriately from an young age. It is never late to correct one’s mindset, Isn’t it?
Now that I have openly admitted to feeling physical attraction, I want to debunk some of the myths on this subject.
Attraction is a trigger, and not an end. Physical attraction is associated with lust in many minds. Lust in itself is a huge topic, if it is a good or bad. However I don’t think physical attraction is to lust, whereas nonphysical attraction is to love, is a very incorrect association. When a bee gets attracted to a bright colored flower, isn’t that the most natural form of attraction?, so what if it is because of the color or smell of the flower?, is the bee wrong in getting attracted?. Does the bee lust the flower?.
Beauty in all forms, including physical is nature’s gift, and feeling attracted to whatever we fancy is not lust. It is an honest expression of a strong like to a certain subset of what our senses perceive.
Physical attraction does not always mean temptation. I am not sure why it is depicted in all media, especially films and newspaper that a physically attracted male is succumbing to the dark world of temptation. I have been attracted to many people physically after I have been married. To be honest, not even one of them turned out to be a temptation. It was a strong like to certain aspect, which happens to be physical in nature. To give you an example, I get easily impressed by dressing sense of people, especially choice of colors. I think pastel colors like peach, light yellow, pearl white, light rust etc are so pleasing to the eyes that women who wear such colors seem attractive to my eyes. I will always notice the color of people’s clothes and how they carry those colors. One might argue, dressing sense is not a physical attraction, I would argue why not?, should physical attraction be limited to shape of a human body? Or some parts of it?. I am not saying being attracted to that is temptation or bad, its just not a complete definition of physical attraction. If I ever was attraction to human body, which I have been, I feel it is completely natural and nothing wrong with it. I wouldn’t have admitted this a few years ago, I guess age has made me bolder, or may be more truthful.
When poets write at lengths about their admiration for loved ones, the society does not frown upon them, they are not termed indecent. When an young adult admires a classmate’s essay, it is not considered bad, however if he admires classmate’s eye, it is frowned upon. It is considered inappropriate for students. It is not just considered bad by teachers and parents, even the peers make fun of the young mind. What’s wrong in admiring something you get attracted to?. Isn’t that natural?. I am not saying all natural thoughts should be expressed in raw form without the norms of a society, but a sense of shame and guilt instilled for something as pure as physical attraction, is not a fair thing to do. The time I was that age, it was even worse for women. I don’t even know their take on this matter. It must be even more difficult for them to express their attractions. I have heard the times have changed, and young boys and girls growing up in India, these days are more liberal about these things. I would love to hear from someone that age, how today’s youth deals with such topic.
When we walk into a room full of people, what attracts you most physically to a people?. To me, it’s their choice of colors and dressing sense, secondly its their perfume. A whiff of a good perfume always makes my head turn. Sadly, the perfume is associated more and more with seduction. I believe that each of us have our own aroma, and only a few have the skill of enhancing it with just the right dash of perfumes, and at the right regions of their bodies. I have an acute sense of smell, and I get easily drawn to people with good choice of perfumes. Would I call it, I get seduced by them?. Definitely not. I don’t get seduced, I get attracted. Physical attraction is not means to seduce someone, or get seduced. It can be used as a bait, I agree, however not every worm is a bait, or not every fish falls for one.
Lastly when it comes to be crude bodily physical attraction, I have to admit I have been there, done that. But just the fact that I used the word “crude bodily physical attraction” shows how prejudiced this is. My heart says there is nothing wrong with it, it is natural and all of us go through it, there is nothing wrong in admiration of human body, getting attracted by it. My head says, this is just your way of justifying one’s weakness. When did physical attraction become weakness our head?
I would love to hear more from you guys, people growing up with different mindsets, different gender, different country, thoughts are welcome.