Posted in "Body or Soul", "Theory of pursuit", Admiration, Dilemma, Kindred, Life, Moi, Personal, pure pursuit, Thoughts, thoughts to think

Lets get physical

After almost 10 years of married life, I have realized that apart from immense love and compatibility between couples, one of the mainstays of a happy married life is physical attraction between the couples. I am happy that I still am attracted to my wife physically, and this attraction adds joy to our married life.

Growing up, I have been used to associating guilt with physical attraction. I blame this one my conservative middle class mindset. There are many many ideologies which I am proud of, and I attribute them to conservative middle class upbringing, but I guess this is one of those few which are incorrect notions instilled in young adolescent minds, due to parents not being able to deal with their own attractions. I have always tried to highlight, my attractions to various things in the opposite sex, and none of them have been a lie, I have been attracted to strong oratory skills among women, I have been attracted to women who are bold and stand up to their arguments, I have been attracted to women with a good sense of humor. I have highlighted this in my conversations with my friends and family, I have spoken about these on my blogs. Even thought this is the truth, this is not the entire truth. I have always felt a sense of guilt, in feeling physically attracted to opposite sex, and admitting that. Apart from the feeling the guilt, I have looked down upon people who feel physically attracted or express the same, I have been made to believe this “looking down” is the acceptable norm, and we should morally stick to it. I have realized lately that this is an unhealthy mindset, and should be dealt appropriately from an young age. It is never late to correct one’s mindset, Isn’t it?

Now that I have openly admitted to feeling physical attraction, I want to debunk some of the myths on this subject.

Attraction is a trigger, and not an end. Physical attraction is associated with lust in many minds. Lust in itself is a huge topic, if it is a good or bad. However I don’t think physical attraction is to lust, whereas nonphysical attraction is to love, is a very incorrect association. When a bee gets attracted to a bright colored flower, isn’t that the most natural form of attraction?, so what if it is because of the color or smell of the flower?, is the bee wrong in getting attracted?. Does the bee lust the flower?.

Beauty in all forms, including physical is nature’s gift, and feeling attracted to whatever we fancy is not lust. It is an honest expression of a strong like to a certain subset of what our senses perceive.

Physical attraction does not always mean temptation. I am not sure why it is depicted in all media, especially films and newspaper that a physically attracted male is succumbing to the dark world of temptation. I have been attracted to many people physically after I have been married. To be honest, not even one of them turned out to be a temptation. It was a strong like to certain aspect, which happens to be physical in nature. To give you an example, I get easily impressed by dressing sense of people, especially choice of colors. I think pastel colors like peach, light yellow, pearl white, light rust etc are so pleasing to the eyes that women who wear such colors seem attractive to my eyes. I will always notice the color of people’s clothes and how they carry those colors. One might argue, dressing sense is not a physical attraction, I would argue why not?, should physical attraction be limited to shape of a human body? Or some parts of it?. I am not saying being attracted to that is temptation or bad, its just not a complete definition of physical attraction. If I ever was attraction to human body, which I have been, I feel it is completely natural and nothing wrong with it. I wouldn’t have admitted this a few years ago, I guess age has made me bolder, or may be more truthful.

When poets write at lengths about their admiration for loved ones, the society does not frown upon them, they are not termed indecent. When an young adult admires a classmate’s essay, it is not considered bad, however if he admires classmate’s eye, it is frowned upon. It is considered inappropriate for students. It is not just considered bad by teachers and parents, even the peers make fun of the young mind. What’s wrong in admiring something you get attracted to?. Isn’t that natural?. I am not saying all natural thoughts should be expressed in raw form without the norms of a society, but a sense of shame and guilt instilled for something as pure as physical attraction, is not a fair thing to do. The time I was that age, it was even worse for women. I don’t even know their take on this matter. It must be even more difficult for them to express their attractions. I have heard the times have changed, and young boys and girls growing up in India, these days are more liberal about these things. I would love to hear from someone that age, how today’s youth deals with such topic.

When we walk into a room full of people, what attracts you most physically to a people?. To me, it’s their choice of colors and dressing sense, secondly its their perfume. A whiff of a good perfume always makes my head turn. Sadly, the perfume is associated more and more with seduction. I believe that each of us have our own aroma, and only a few have the skill of enhancing it with just the right dash of perfumes, and at the right regions of their bodies. I have an acute sense of smell, and I get easily drawn to people with good choice of perfumes. Would I call it, I get seduced by them?. Definitely not. I don’t get seduced, I get attracted. Physical attraction is not means to seduce someone, or get seduced. It can be used as a bait, I agree, however not every worm is a bait, or not every fish falls for one.

Lastly when it comes to be crude bodily physical attraction, I have to admit I have been there, done that. But just the fact that I used the word “crude bodily physical attraction” shows how prejudiced this is. My heart says there is nothing wrong with it, it is natural and all of us go through it, there is nothing wrong in admiration of human body, getting attracted by it. My head says, this is just your way of justifying one’s weakness. When did physical attraction become weakness our head?

I would love to hear more from you guys, people growing up with different mindsets, different gender, different country, thoughts are welcome.

Posted in Kindred, Life, Memories, Moi, Nostalgia, Personal, pure pursuit, Thoughts, thoughts to think

Nocturnal

Every time that happened I woke up with a guilt, of having done something which is shameful, something impure, something which a teenager wasn’t supposed to think about. An involuntary, normal and natural function is not supposed to feel like that right?. How was I supposed to think rational, I was a teenager, and I felt what I felt. Worst were the times, when I actually dreamt something sweet and pleasing, and I had to wake up with a feeling of having ruined it forever.

There was no internet back then, I didn’t have access to the latest Agony Aunt Google to answer my questions, I didn’t even know if it was common among other boys, who was I supposed to ask?. It did not even occur to me that this was something I could ask people about. I guess back when we were teenagers we had no access to any kind of material where we could look this up.

It did not change much with age, much later when I could read how common this was, and what causes it and so on, I still continued to wake up with, “What I have done” feeling.

The funny part of all this is that it was never funny, it never has been funny.

One day my son will grow up, and will reach an age where he is going to experience this. I know I am not a cool enough dad who can talk about this with him. I just hope he has enough information to know more about this and not feel the guilt which I do.

Posted in pure pursuit, Relationships, Romance, Thoughts, thoughts to think

Lets talk adultery

Some years back this post would have gone to pure pursuits, but now not sure if anyone even remembers my other blog [the anyone includes me too :)], hence the post goes in here.

I was recently reading a post about married male friend by ideasmithy over at xxfactor. Two topics really caught my attention.

Firstly Social groups today, and what can be termed acceptable when it comes to flirting or physicality in groups.

Secondly the post about married men looking out, cheating, flirting in social groups.

I want to blog about the first topic sometime, but today its turn to look at married men. Lets generalize the discussion, and consider committed men in general. Defining a committed man is as difficult as defining a gentleman these days, so let me begin with my definition of committed man. “A man who is in a steady relationship, either married or unmarried, where in the above mentioned relationship has been acknowledged by both the parties involved”.

When it comes to cheating, people first talk about sexual adultery, the idea of a committed man or woman having a physical relationship, has been criticized and talked about for years together, and it remains the biggest concern of all men and women out there. The lesser evil, but very much seeking the above, is the flirting. From, a long time now I can’t really define flirting, nor make out what constitutes it. I was never able to make out if and when a girl flirted with me, or what behavior of me was perceived as flirting by people in my social circle, flirting and inappropriate “touches” have been the next big offence in the list of cheating.

I feel that, somewhere, under the shadow of the two above described star offences, the real and more dangerous form of cheating gets swept under. To me, what I call “mental adultery”, is a by far the biggest offence. I would be lying, that it would be easy to accept a spouse/girl friend who has strayed physically, in fact I am not even sure if I will be able to get past such an act, however I feel I would be hurt the most by an act of mental adultery.

Long before I was in a relationship, I had thought a lot about the adultery depicted in media, and the instances we get to hear from people around us. Almost 99.99% of those belong to the first two offences I mentioned earlier.

Has anyone of you heard complaining of cheating such as,

I saw my husband have this really close and thought provoking conversation with a girl friend of his, and I felt cheated?,

He shared his deepest of fears with a friend, when I was here all ears for him?,

He was having this long drinks session with his close girl friend, talking hours about his ambitions and his views on life, when I was sitting right there, and completely ignored when it comes to discussion of serious issues?,

My wife wants to discuss her emotional feeling with her girl friend rather than open up to me?.

He consulted two of his closest girl friends before taking a major decision in life, when I felt cheated?.

Everytime he reads a book, he goes calls up this friend of his, and talks for hours discussing their views on it?,

I can go on and list thousands of instances, where one of the persons in a relationship can feel cheated. When this happens day after day, months after months, wouldn’t this become a bigger form of adultery?

When my partner chooses someone else to share her mind with, and lets me share only her body, probably that would be end of my relationship. I may consider forgiving my partner if she endulged in flirting in a social group, but I would have a tough time sharing my wife’s intimate moments in mind with someone else.

Don’t get me wrong here. I am talking about committed people having an activity partner or a discussion partner outside marriage. In fact it is very healthy to have one, and not just be tied to each other mentally. Just like there is a line for physicality, I assume there is a line for emotional relationship as well. People need to know when to stop.

I am really curious to know about the other man/woman who has been a part of such a mental adultery, and their views on this. I have a feeling, that a very high percentage of people wouldn’t even know that they were the third wheel, as most of these are not even taken as serious offence, and the usual guards which are set for so called immoral relations are off for this kind of an adultery. I have wondered many a times if I have every been such a third wheel, but have not been able to identify much. I would be really interested to know views from my fellow bloggers who have had such an experience, where they have felt that they are “other woman/man” in a mental adultery.

In today’s world, bloggers are discussing about cheating, magazines have issues dedicated to cheating and the other woman/man, movies being made about the “pati patni or who”, I seriously wish to read, hear, and see more on the mental adultery.

Posted in "Theory of pursuit", pure pursuit

Strong and scary

Cross posted at pure pusrsuits.

“Work pressures are at all time high with the recession affecting each one of us, does feminism help the escapist men?, who really do not mind to take some help from their spouses. If a woman wants to be the hero, fight world hard, make money, feed the family, and be happy at the end of the day that by doing so they have been better then their male counterparts, isn’t it the best thing that a man would ever want?. In a way he has more freedom and independence to pursue what he wants to do, without having to worry about feeding his family, and taking care of his wife.”

Read the rest of the post here “Strong and Scary

Posted in "Theory of pursuit", pure pursuit, Relationships, Romance, Thoughts, thoughts to think

Accidents

Some relationships end in an accident, and some begin with one.

Wait, may be not accident..more like incident..

po-teh-to, po-tah-to does it really matter?.

Worse are those relationships, which end up becoming one.

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Guys look whose there on my blog pure pursuits..checkout the insider’s view.

Posted in cubeland, Moi, Personal, pure pursuit, Realité, Uncategorized

Couple of unusual evenings

After an unexpected and fun evening with S on Thursday, Friday turned out to be another unusual evening too. Many of you guys know that I don’t smoke, but then this is what I did on friday evening

My friend set up a hookah at home, being a non smoker had never tried one, and it turned out to be fun. As I do not like the tobacco smell, we filled it up with strawberry flavored non nicotine stuff, all in all an unusual experience and a fun filled one.

Meanwhile its been a long time since I posted something over at pure pursuits, so here it goes
I call it “Amateur thoughts