Posted in "Theory of pursuit", Kindred, Life, Moi, Personal, Questions N Answers, Randomness, Thoughts, thoughts to think

Experience

With every year passing by,

I can’t help but wonder,

Am I going closer to end?

Did I do justice to the year that went by?

What did I gain?

What do I lose?

Am I wiser?

Am I happier?

Parenthood, leadership, struggles and worries, what did they do?

Blogging, books, podcasts and life, What did they give?

What did I achieve?

Knowing life, it must be a short answer.

Posted in Kindred, Life, Memories, Moi, Nostalgia, Personal, Randomness, Thoughts, thoughts to think

A tale of two hobbies

“It’s funny how life turns out”  goes a Josh Joplin song, so very true. It is as though all of us are waiting curiously to check out what is in store for us. When life pans out, it is fun to look back and see what became of it.

Growing up, in school, I was a nerdy nerd. I was always focussed upon scoring well. As I was trying my level best to make a future for my life, there were few things my mind had worked out. One of them was, “it is a waste of time to read for pleasure”. It sounds very idiotic, doesn’t it, but pressure of modern competition can do that for you. I thought, why waste time reading something which will not help me in scoring well. What it clearly meant was I had no idea about what entertainment was, and how much it is required for a healthy mind. The idea of “books” being the best wholesome entertainment  one can get was far from me. When I was in my early 20s, my life changed completely, I was now a working professional, with much lesser “scoring” pressure, I had some free time which I could use to do things which were “fun”. I was looking for ways to entertain myself, something beyond television and movies. I was not an outdoor person ever in my life. I chanced upon, what you may call a crossover book. A cheesy romantic comedy which was later made into a movie, and not a book I am proud of to have begun with, but “five point someone” was my first read. I actually liked it at that time, something which was very similar to many movies which were popular. At the end of reading this one, there are a few things which I realized. I could now actually read an entire book without having to worry about comprehending it, I could now spend time doing something imaginative. After reading children classics during my summer holidays during my schooling, I had not really thought of reading as a hobby at any time, however my success with this one book made me want to read more. I am a man with a lot of prejudice. I am not proud of it, but I am what I am. So when I started reading, my immediate judgment was, I should read non fiction. Fiction is for people who are not so serious in life. It was “time” in my life where I should do some serious study. I stuck to my non fiction books, it started with self help, I read a lot of books which were bordering on self help, books which have a lot of thinking to do, I slowly moved on to travelogues and then memoirs. Still sticking to my non fiction clause. I dont realize when the “border” melted away and I was not fully into books of all kinds. I was enjoying all kinds of books now, infact I was trying out new genres, new languages each time. I had now started reading books in my native language “kannada”, I was reading translated books, even topics and subjects which were alien to me like “science fiction”, “horror”, borderline “erotica”. You name it, I was willing to try it.From a person who considered reading a waste of time, to a person who is totally invested in finishing the project “Around the world in 80 books”. I have come a long way. This is one hobby I am happy to have picked up in my 20s. One thing, which I will probably take to my grave.

There are people who love nature. There are people who don’t care about nature. I was one of those who are indifferent towards it. I am no big animal lover, pets were a big no no. They still are. When I was in my early 30s, many things were different. I was now a married man, with a lot of responsibilities at work, and some at home. I had my reading, I had my travel, I had a married life, I had too many things happening to think of adding anything new to my life. Well life does not really shape things at our will. Let me tell you growing up, we had a very small house, with hardly any space for us people let alone any plants. We had no soil anywhere around us, and I had no inclination towards plants whatsoever. When we reconstructed our house in my early 20s, I was still trying to get a decent place for us to live, and with accommodation just enough to fit in things which I had missed all my life, like a bigger kitchen, decent living space, a place to eat, a bathroom of my own. I did not think of creating some space for a garden.When a tenant vacated a floor above us, they left their pots on our terrace. I tried calling them multiple times for them to pick it up. After waiting for months, I gave up on them picking up. I always felt these pots were a nuisance on the roof, as it spoiled the water proofing. Now left with a choice to give/throw them away, I chanced upon an idea of trying to grow something. I started with two simple plants. Tomato and Chilli. The whole process of planting the seeds, tending to them, the joy of sight of the first green shoots, to the flowering, to the time when you see the first little green veggies in them. I was just in awe of this nature. I did not know how much I loved this creation process. Within weeks I was hooked on it. I had repotted all the remaining 4 pots with good soil, and I was planning to start a garden of my own. It really helped that my wife was super supportive of my developing hobby. Starting with a few pots, to my full fledged terrace garden, my new hobby has come a long way in my 30s. I have grown fruits, vegetables, flowers, herbs, and even root veggies in pots. Watering my garden every day, and tending to it on the weekends has become a routine in my life. Potting new plants, and seeing them grow is the most satisfying feeling that I have known in recent times. It is almost like becoming a father over and over again. How protective we become, how parental we become with them has been surprising. The pleasant effect of the greenery on our eyes, and the proud feeling we get when my wife and I get to walk on our terrace is something which is beyond my ability to describe. 

Curious to see what my 40s has in store for me.

Posted in "Theory of pursuit", Kindred, Life, Moi, Personal, Randomness, Thoughts, thoughts to think

Conversations

It has been a long stay at home, I am not just speaking about 2020 with all its problems and challenges, my mind has been home for a lot while longer. I guess it is common to miss things when we are home. The last sentence sounds almost unbelievable isn’t it, we are known to miss home, what do we miss when are home?.

I feel home when I am with myself, I feel home when I am thinking, I feel home when I am cooking things I love to eat, I feel home when I am with my family, I feel home when I am solving complex problems at work, I feel home when I am watching my favorite comedy, I feel home when I am reading books I love, I feel home when I am home.

Having said all that, why do I miss things, and what do I miss.

Monologues are my thing, being a single child has spoiled me with an alpha ego, which is hard to suppress, I am used to getting my voice heard, I am used to getting things done my way, I am used to speaking.

This post feels incoherent so far, so is my mind these days.

I would be lying if I say, I am not anxious about the current situation around us. Who isn’t anxious.

Despite of all of these distractions, and routines. My mind is missing something deeply.

One can always arrange the right setup, perfect food, great lighting, favorite drinks, lovely snacks, but can they assure joy?

To all those of you who have crossed my path, and given me this gift in the past, the gift of what I have been missing these days, it is time, surprise me!

Posted in "Theory of pursuit", Admiration, Kindred, Life, Moi, Personal, Randomness, Realité, thème, Thoughts, thoughts to think

An enchanting window.

Whenever I stood next to it, I felt the power creep into me. Who does not enjoy being powerful?, I did enjoy it too. I love the fact that, standing right at my home, beside this powerful tool, the window, I can get see and observe lives of many people right at my doorstep.  I can actually hear some of them too. As my gaze goes far, I still get to observe people, even though I may not get to comprehend them well. Farther down, even though I can’t see or hear them, I get a whiff of their lives. I get to see both the good and the bad, I get to hear both music and noise as mere sounds. I get to experience the smells without having to look for the aroma. I like the power of an open window.

Our bodies and minds have this amazing capabilities of recognizing patterns, and mapping them. You automatically start brushing your teeth when you stand in front of your sink in the morning, or your nose starts sniffing for fresh coffee early in the morning as you walk past your kitchen. When I started living along, my mind developed this acute sense of feeling raw emotions when I stood at my window. For a person who is not so comfortable showing emotions, smiles and tears did not shy from showing up when I stood at my living room window. There was nothing magical about it, but still, enchanting it was. Complex emotions found their way into my expressions, without the fear, the guilt I usually associate with most of those emotions. I wondered if it showed, If I displayed?, If I presented. Oh wait!, I didn’t care anymore, I stood behind a window. Who cares what the outside people saw.

Have you ever lived in a room with thin walls, you can exactly hear whats going on with your neighbors, you just didn’t show it. You heard all their words, without listening. You learn to pretend without being pretentious. To be honest, the window ignited the naturist in me to be stark naked, without having to cover my insecurities, without having to care for the voyeurs lurking in the dark. I was not an exhibitionist, but a pure naturist. I enjoyed having the control of closing the drapes when I want, and living it open when I feel.

Near the window, I made up my own rules, whenever I felt like it, I broke them too, I didn’t have anyone to answer to, more importantly I didn’t have me to question. A long standing rule, was about me, not sitting near the windows. I always stood there. I like to have my eyesight level with the windows, I did not want to look upto it. It was my equal, it was my mate. I liked the sweet pain in my legs when I spent long hours with it, it was worth the pain. It deserved the respect of me standing up to it.

Dimensioning one’s gain is very difficult, especially when the gain is not materialistic. My window had both the lovely dimensions, space and time. I have observed the constant space over a varying time, I have seen the same front yard from my window for ages now. The color of seasons, have changed and repeated, people have often stood, gone and returned, the constant tree has withered and greened up. When I have moved places, I have seen the constant time with varying space, the windows have changed, I have observed how my new courtyard reacted to the same seasons, how new people have come reacted to exact same stimulus. How each one of them have left a mark in me with their reactions, even though they are not aware of me watching them acutely.

Its not like my window has always remained open, or I have always been besides it. However I have found great comfort in seeing life, and being seen. I have enjoyed being leered by perverts, and admired by prophets with equal nonchalance.

As I close the drapes on this post, I cant help but enjoy my ramblings at my window, albeit virtual.

Posted in Children, Family, Kindred, Life, Moi, Personal, Randomness, Thoughts, thoughts to think

Age is just a number

People say, age is just a number.

One thing which has noticeably changed with my age is that I have become less fearless. I have consciously chosen double negative, and not called it more fearful. When given a challenge I don’t think I have begun to fear it, however I have become less fearless, I tend to think a lot more about things which could fail and try to take care of risks than I used to before. Many a times, our ability to take risks can help us scale heights, which are not easy if we take a well thought path. I have seen this change in me happen very gradually. I can always try to convince myself that, this is a more mature thing which has come with age, but who am I trying to please here.

As I am grown older, my patience seems to have gone downhill. I was always short on patience front, however I have realized with age it has gone down exponentially. I used to think it is due to parenthood, it is due to working with incompetent people, it is because of having to deal with women in my life, because of the climate. There was one thing common in all my excuses, “me”. I guess I am the one who has changed to worse.

I need people now. I could stay alone months together, but with age, I seem to have become a social animal, rather a family animal. I miss my family way too soon. I miss my son, my wife, my parents. It’s not like, I no longer like solitude. I just want to be home. I guess I am too attached to comforts of familyhood.

Even though I am still a big foodie, and I continue to love eating good food, my willingness to experiment when it comes to food from other countries has gone done a bit. I discovered this over my last few trips abroad. I think I am more concerned about what the food contains, is it really meat free, is it really safe and other questions. I was a lot more liberal when it comes to food few years earlier.

On a positive note, I have become more friendly when it comes to strangers. Eventhough I still hesitate when it comes to actually going out of my way to be social, the intent to meet people and talk to strangers has grown with age. I have made a lot more friends quickly than what I used to do earlier.

People say, age is just a number. Yeah right!.

Posted in cubeland, Memories, Moi, Personal, Randomness, Thoughts, thoughts to think

2019 mythbusters

2019 has been a year of myth buster of sorts. It appears that life keeps coasting along with not many changes, and then comes a year, once in a while, which kind of jerks the pace of our lives. 2019 has been once such year to me. Professionally speaking I have been coasting along for quite a while now, and personally too I have enjoyed a major event free life for a while now. A level plane can be looked at both, with happy contentment, and an unhappy anticipation. I guess I was more of the happy contentment kind of guy.

I have been a workaholic from my school days, I don’t mind slogging and I am kind of proud of using it as my differentiator. Endurance and perseverance have been my virtues. 2019 gave me a rare low workwise, to be able to slack a bit. With not much expected out of me, I could laze around a bit. I discovered lazy can be fun too. Long coffee breaks, chat sessions, thought breaks, you name it I have had it this year. It gave me some time to reskill myself, but also a lot of time just to relax and enjoy some time off. It’s really fun to be lazy.

Having a busy work life means, personal life invariably suffers. I hardly spent any time with my son in last few years. Last few months have been a boon when it comes to parenthood. I am really surprised by my teaching skills, and my ability to create a project out of everything. I am extremely proud parent to have thought my son a language, math skills and some general stuff over the last few months. My 6-year-old son is not entirely happy though, to surrender his free time. Having time with kids is really important to build the bond. I had been always guilty of not spending enough time with my son, this year has been amazing when it comes to family time.  Parent in me, has left me pleasantly surprised.

We love to be happy, we all do. A great aspect of hindu religion is to not instil any guilt in happiness. The true essence of happiness is in enjoying it. Last few months have been good in removing a lot of guilt from my happiness. Having time, kind of reduces the reason to be running short of it all the time, when you are doing something, you are not constantly worried about things which you are missing out on. This kind of helps you to enjoy what you are doing now, and in a way enjoy the happiness of “now”. It made me realize, it is OK to enjoy happiness and there is nothing else more important than that enjoyment.

Anxiety was to the fore in so many ways. After a long time, I did not know what is is going to happen in near future, I had no idea what is right, how much risk is too much, how much of laid back is too laid back. I hate anxiety and am too poor in coping up with it. Well guess what, surprise surprise, I got past it like a pro. I was super relaxed [comparatively] for most part of it, and I even enjoyed that state a bit.

2020 promises to be an exciting new year, with lots on the anvil. I am going to miss my free time, hopefully 2019 has taught me enough skills to be able to balance my life a little better.

Posted in Kindred, Life, Moi, Randomness, Thoughts, thoughts to think

Insiders

“How can we form new memories, if all we do is, create whatsapp groups and message memories from the past?. ” asked one of my cousins. It did not make much sense to me the day he mentioned this, however today as I came across one of the lines in a book I was reading, kind of reminded me the true nature of that question. The line read “We become insiders to the past, and outsiders to the present”.  We love to be insiders, period. I guess if we feel at home in the past, it is natural that we love being in it, as we are true insiders there.

Many of us are coasters, and we love to drift along with time. The expectation is that, time will create circumstances, make us meet people, create opportunities for building memories. It is not like we put in effort to create the old ones, why do I need to do it now?. The above argument has made perfect sense to me for long. I guess time does create all of this, but may be not necessarily in a way you would enjoy, not necessarily in a way you would cherish at a later time. If you believe in quantity, I guess time will not disappoint.

I want to believe age is holding us back, lack of time is holding us back, but sadly it is probably our closed mind. I guess, I need to unblock myself. I need to put in some effort. Here is a list of things I came up with, as note to myself.

  1. When you meet people whom you are comfortable with [Read people from your past], stop remembering older days, meet at a newer setting, and think of newer topics and activities.
  2. When presented with a new social event, prioritize if it involves new people, or a new activity.
  3. Think of at least one activity every weekend which you have been wanting to do in a long time, and do it.
  4. Reconnect with people from various parts of the world whom you have lost touch with, and check what they are up to.
  5. Listen to what your kids say or want to do, they will always surprise you.
  6. Travel alone at least once a year. You will invariable make new friends.

I would love to hear some tips from people out there in the blog world.

Posted in Family, Kindred, Life, Moi, Personal, Randomness, Relationships, Thoughts, thoughts to think

Fatherhood blues

These are times when I feel guilty. guilty of chosing career our my life. The guilt was not much until I got a life, I had a family, I had a wife, I had a son. The guilt grew exponentially as my career picked up at the same rate. For someone who swears by his perseverence and determination to make things better at work, and feels responsible for all the problems he can spot and works his best to solve them, his personal guilt also ends up showing up like a problem which needs to be dealt with. This is just plain sad. The worse though are the strange things I end up doing to feel less guilty. Career is like any other dangerous addiction, it sweet poisions your life and body just like any other addiction, which atleast come with a warning on the package. Everyday I have this strange feeling of having to make this tough choice between being what I am at work, and being a father.

Sometimes I learn rhymes, I watch tv shows, I also listen to music which my son likes, just to make sure I am not left far behind from his world. When I am away at work, or going back late to our house, and I am feeling left out from his life, I have something to fallback to, to get a glimpse. There is also a secret hope, that in whatever little time I have with him, he doesnt think our worlds are mutually alien to each other.

Kids love their moms, and moms love their kids. There is nothing that a father can do which can count as a bigger scarifice than what a mother does without even realizing it. I wonder if there can be jealousy in parenthood. At the cost of sounding petty, I admit there is. I feel jealous at various times when I see my wife bond with my son without any effort, and at the ease with which he clings to her. As an engineer, I can write pages of reasons why this happens, and how or why I dont end up doing any of those things. There are times when your mind does not accept the nature, and just wants to compete against it. I have always believed that when someone says “its not a competion”, it is a way of covering up the loss. Parenthood is not a competition, moms and dads dont compete with each other. Why do I have a feeling that I am losing.

Parents are like mixed doubles team trying to win a championship of parenthood. Each pair have their own strategy, their good and bad plans. Some of the tactics are universal though. The idea of good cop and bad cop being one such tactic. World hates sterotypes, but how much ever we hate anything, you cannot ignore its existance. For ages fathers have been the bad cops. Kids predominantly are always told to tidy up or face consequences when daddy gets home. Many a times they look at us, and probably must see a cop with a baton. I hate being the bad cop. I would love to be the good cop, and be the one my son runs to when my wife plays bad cop. Like any good team, I guess all dads have to byte the bullet and assume of the role of bad cop. It is not easy.

I did not know I was an alpha male, until I realized I was, one day. I see that my son is turning into one day by day. It is not an easy task to deal with two alpha males in the family. I am sure my wife has already realized it.

When kids are growing up, there are many little pleasures they bring about. There is nothing better than your little discoveries when they have picked up your traits, specially the ones which you are proud of. The joy it brings is something which cannot be explained in words. I love my son’s obsession with time. He sets a time for everything that he does on a daily basis, and makes sure he sticks to it. More importantly he makes sure the other people stick to it too, and keeps hurrying up my family if they are running late. There are times when people can literally catch me smiling when this is running about. Yes, he also has opinion about everything under the earth, and he fights for his views till the end of the earth. I told you, two alphas are horrible thing for a house.

I remember few years ago when I was a new father, my wish was “I wish I could enable debugs for kids, it would have been so easy to solve their problems”. Children do not work as per our plan, in fact they hardly stick to their own plan. I guess they are not a project that parents work on, they cannot be planned and executed. It may sound dumb, but our minds have just got tuned to our professions so much that we deal with everything like we do at work.

Kids are hyperactive, and they love to keep jumping from one thing to another. When they are asleep they are the best things on this planet. The look of innocense on their faces, the unknown smiles in their sleep, how they cling to our bodies, and how they scoop into our chests. One of the best moments of my day, is when I curl up next to my son in the morning when he is still in bed. There is nothing worse then when they wake up and tear themselves away from you. < pun intended >

Bad fathers have too many expectations from their kids. All fathers have expectations from kids. I am not able to choose one.

Posted in Family, Life, Moi, Personal, Randomness, Relationships, Thoughts, thoughts to think

Random Randomness #201901

Its a new year, and a happy one so far, and as they say “all is well that ends well” so 2018 was a happy one too. I can’t complain much, can I?

I wish all my blog world friends a very happy new year. For those of you who are contemplating on getting back to blogging, you are right, 2019 is the right year for it. Those of you who have been silent lurkers of my blog, thank you for being around and as we have known all these years, we will continue to know each other, albeit silently.

I usually do not like to begin a new year with a randomness post, I love heavy topics, and the usually the first one is a heavy one. My mind is rebelling against all rules, and here it is, the first post of 2019, it is a random one.

Traditions

The word gives us a feeling of something ancient, something which is being followed for ages, however it is not always true, we keep developing new traditions all the time. One of such recent traditions of mine is that for the new year. Its been a while since I developed this new way of celebrating new year, every year on 31st December I go to bed early around 9:30pm. [usually 10pm is my bed time], I get a full night of sleep and wake up late by 7am [usually 4:30 am is my wake up time], I go for an early morning walk around the streets of Basavanagudi for about an hour, and end the walk with a cup of hot coffee at Upahara Darshini. Being someone who loves have a routine in life, having these traditions and sticking to them gives an immense pleasure. Watching the daily life of hundreds of vendors and street walkers, to whom the 1st of January makes absolutely no difference is an added bonus.

Reflections

December was a month of loss, as we lost my uncle to cancer. My uncle, being a very live person, with a huge zeal for life, was an active member in our lives. He had a lot of love for music, for food, for culture for everything you could think of. Seeing him go from being fully alive, in person, to being a picture on our walls within 15 days was a big lesson in life for us, on how impermanent life is. On the day he left us, as we were seeing his body being shifted to the crematorium, I witnessed something which has struck with me for a lifetime. I saw my cousin sitting in the vehicle next to a body which once was his ‘appa’, he sat there with his eyes filled with tears, and his 2 year old daughter continuously crying and shouting ‘appa’ for her father who was leaving her behind to go see off his ‘appa’. Till today, it fills me up with tears. Our loved ones can just vanish with such short notice.

Resolution

Whats a new year without resolution. I am a person who loves new year resolutions, and this year like any other, I did resolve something. Last year, in one of the farewell speeches, a colleague of mine had a fun description of one of our common friends, he said, “X is such a person, if he sees his house is on fire, he will go back to his bed thinking he will worry about it tomorrow”.  It made me introspect a big deal, I am kind of a person who would be worried, if a house is on fire in the neighbouring town. My resolution for 2019 is “Stop worrying, you can’t change the world”. I have had a good beginning so far, I have stopped worrying about work, at work. I wish to stick to this resolution as much as possible, and try to enjoy my days.

Indulgence

Being conservative is my forte, I would be the last person to spend on indulgence, If I like something very much, I would probably check the price tag and settle for something which is 1/4th the price, and at the end of the day be happy for having done that. I attribute my conservatives for my middle class upbringing, and am very proud of it. 2018 ended with a piece of big indulgence as I bought something which was on my mind for a few years now. I had loved this ‘easy chair’ for a very long time now, the one which is of the folding kind, and has a plush cushion and a comfortable and relaxed seating. I had looked at the price tag on it for about four years now and pushed myself away from it thinking it is not for my kind, and may be I will buy it when I retire from work. I walked into the store this time around, and finally made up my mind to buy it. My wife was in for a little shock, as I bought the chair this time around, she did admit later that she was pleasantly surprised that I finally bought something which I had been eyeing for a long time. I have to admit, I felt guilty for a week after buying it, and now when I sit on with a big smile, the guilt is somewhat buried.

 

Posted in Life, Memories, Moi, Nostalgia, Personal, Randomness, Relationships

Game

For as long as I remember, I have been playing this little game on my walks. Mornings, on my way to the bus stop, many a days I revisit this game, which brings a smile to my face, almost instantly. The rules of this game are simple, there are no rules. All you do is let your mind walk through some memory of yours, and relive the minute details from the past.  Here is one such day, and some of the memories which lit up my face that day.

Motorcycle rides with a good friend. Everyday he used to stop at my place on our way to our university. I stayed just 5 minute walk away from the college, but still he used to be my ride every single day. I used to stand at my window watching the street, and as soon as he arrived I used to hop onto the bike. It is funny that we had so much to talk about in those days. EB-1356 has stayed on in my memories long after it was sold, long after the window was raised down, long after my friend moved out of this country.

5 kids on the rooftop, do you need any more fun?. I remember climbing onto windows and then onto to rooftop, and creating a slide out of a bedspread, and me fearlessly pushed onto it, from the top, as not so sturdy hands of my cousins held the top and the bottom corners of a make shift slide.  I would kill my son, if he tried this, but how ignorant we were then, and how much of a bliss it was. I remember some of the best summers with my 4 cousins, at my grandfathers old place. We have all grown up and apart, we no longer share that close a bond, each one living their own lives with families to take care of, with problems of our own. I close my eyes, and remember the slide.

The day at a coffee shop, she sat opposite to me, her eyes red with sleepless nights, and swollen big with all the crying. It was the first time I was trying to console someone close to me, and I had no clue how. I knew the people involved too well, and it was tough for me not to be partial. As she spoke to me, tears rolled down her cheeks, she did not care to hold them back. I have known her for a large part of my life now, and we still get meet once in a while, but that day I felt really close to a friend.

What is better than watching a movie in a language you dont understand as a kid?, coming back home and enacting the whole thing from morning till evening. We were pretty professional about it too, we had a producer, a director, we had makeshift costumes, and to my absolute disliking a wafer thin villain, me. Being the youngest came with all bad side effects, you are the loser villain who gets bashed up by the hero through out the movie. All through one summer we played “shooting” as we called it. I remember locking ourselves for the whole day from breakfast to lunch, and then post lunch to dinner shooting stupid scenes. I truly wish we had recording our version of “jagadeka veerudu atiloka sundari”.

Studying was fun, it really was for the geek in me. More than studying, I loved my month long schedules before my semester exams. I used to spend a lot of time, preparing complex schedules about how I would spend my time leading up to my exams. I remember how they used to have plan Bs in case I miss, and how I used to love when I used to challenge myself to go faster than my plan. One sad thing about anyones life, is that you cannot go back to it at any cost.

Coded letters from my dad. what would I give to be able to get my hand on one of those today. My father used to work out of state, and he would send these wonderfully hand written coded letters to me. The backside of the inland letter would have the codes spelled out for each letter, and I had to substitute the codes to be able to really make sense of the letters. I vividly remember my joy on decoding the letter, and how satisfied I went to bed on those days, when I got his letter.

Ah the bus stop is here, and I get myself back into my kindle.