Door closed, he kept opening it.
Its funny how people end up crossing the line when it comes to principles and ego. For as long as I can remember, I have liked people with strong principles. ‘It does not matter what you believe in, as long as you believe in it strongly’, this has been my motto. I guess growing up in a strong middle-class family has a lot to do with my love for principles. I have seen my grandfather, my mother and then me all having similar outlook, and now I see my son developing into one of our kind.
When I was young, I sounded right to me always, I still do. however, with age, I can spot the times when I am just another stubborn alpha male, who can go to any lengths to prove to myself that, my principles are correct, and I did not lose the battle against it. Whenever there is a clash between me and my mother, many a times I see that more than the ego, it is the clash of principles and how we are not able to convince each other that we are right. The exact same thing happens with me and my son, in which case I win most of the time as he is too young to assert himself. However, I am sure, I will start to lose as he grows up and sticks more to his guns, and as I age I will continue to hate losing even more.
Well wait, did I say lose?.. this is exactly how it turns from the clash of principles to something of winning and losing and alas it has turned into a question of ego.
I remember watching the movie “Mohabbatein”, at an impressionable age when I was smitten by the thought of school romances, my mother had a very different take on the movie. She couldn’t stop crying while watching the scene where Amitabh concedes to the rule breaking Shah Rukh Khan admitting he had been wrong with his principles and discipline, and admits that the colourful happy go lucky hero has the right outlook on life. She could not control her tears, and on probing she revealed to me that, she cannot watch how the ones who insist on right things always lose at the end. I could not relate to her feelings back then, however experience has made me see what she must have felt.
People with strong principles inevitably have strong choices. We just cannot see how anyone can choose, anything else, beyond our reasons for our choice. What we don’t realize is that, every other person is a person on their own, and they have their own sensibilities and their own conviction. Some may have less conviction then others, and may be bullied for a while, however when it comes to what matters to them most, they do stand up for themselves, and when those people happen to be the ones we love the most, the hurt is beyond doubt humongous
When people lose, I guess the most common reaction is denial. The loss is never accepted, and it is always brushed aside with a hope that the loss will turn around into a win. Well life is not a stock market, where our losing stocks can turn around one day. In fact, life is not even a game of win and loss. Denial phase lasts for different periods with different people, and reality takes its own time to sweep in. In many a case, the reality brings with it a feeling that the ship has sailed, and there is no way to get back to the coast. Ego yet again prevents most of us from turning our loss to a win, as we are not willing to take that first step of acceptance.
Having said all this, I still don’t like to lose, I still love my principles, I still get hurt a lot more for sticking onto them.
What shall I say, its one thing to realise, and a whole different thing to act upon it. I guess there will be an age, a person who will make us act open our realisation. If not anyone else, time will play that role.
Conversations leave the fondest of the memories behind .
When I look back at my fondest memories, there are a whole bunch of them which come to my mind, the childhood summers, vacations with people I love, moments of triumph from my life, people who have mattered to me, emotions which have brought immense joy. So many. Where do conversatons fit in them?, I don’t recall the words from any of my conversations, I don’t remember many intiricate details of it, I don’t remember the time nor place of many of them. But, then why do I feel that, conversations leave the fondest of the memories behind.
I may not remember the words, however I remember the fondness, I remember the joy, I remember the emotion, I remember the person, I remember myself. I remember myself from that conversation, I remember how I went in, and how I came out. I carry ‘that’ with me everytime I have spoken since.
A conversation is not a flash in the pan, but a complete story in itself. It begins long before it actually starts, there is a build up to it, followed by the main body, and then a follow up including the aftermath.
In other words, it does not begin where it starts, and it does not finish where it ends.
In many a conversations the fodder comes from various sources, thoughts which has been in our head for years together, our views and opinions which are waiting to be heard, the books we have read, the movies we have seen, and most importantly our inner voice, which seldom gets its due. When all of what we have to say, is already inside us, what makes a conversation tick?, I wonder. The reason why a conversation clicks, is the twists the other person brings to your thoughts, how he/she is able to make you think more about what you already know and how the collective thoughts conclude into something wonderful, usually much different from what you had to begin with.
Conversations are not easy to come by, specially at this age of digital media, and cramped lifestyle, where is the time for us to converse. We dont have time to build the inner self, there is no time for a conversation to build up, and there is absolutely no time for the aftermath. The chance encounters are cut off, as we don’t give it a chance. Variety is curtailed due to lack of variety. People are subdued due to lack of interest. Lucky few conversations that we sneak in, they too are not well developed, and hardly leave a lasting impression.
Even though comments on these blogs are almost like facebook posts, which are more of a reaction, rather than a contribution, they do act as a catalyst in finding like minded people, who many a times end up having a good conversation. I have been fortunate in finding few people who have had some good conversations over lengthy emails, over a period of time.
I am sad that the number of conversations I have had, have reduced over a period of time. It has to do with the amount of time I am willing to dedicate to them, the amount of time I spend with people, and number of people whom I meet. The intimacy in my inner most circle of friends has reduced. There are various reasons for it, but who is looking for a reason.
In search of the next conversation…..
Dreams are what keeps you up, he was told
You don’t need coffee to pump you up, he was told
There is no shortcuts to hard work, he was told
Winning should be fun, he was told
Studying hard cannot backfire, he was told
A good (earning) job is a great accomplishment, he was told
You don’t need coffee to pump you up, he was told
Dreams are what keeps you up, he was told
He woke up, Ah! Freshly brewed coffee, he smiled in bliss.
On my 37th birthday, I want to leave a note to myself, that which I can visit in later part of my life. It is never later to leave a note to yourself, it is not a necessity either.
When I look back at myself of today, I think I have changed some, more mentally than physically, or may be that change is the one that matters. I may want to visit my mind of today, when it has become that of the tomorrow, as today, what all would I give to visit that of yesterday. It is almost like a time capsule of my mind, for me to come back to, whenever I think I have travelled way too ahead.
- It is okay, that you dont enjoy the relationships in the same way, that you enjoyed with the same people a while ago. They grew, you grew, and the world did too.
- Abandoning things which you no longer enjoy is perfectly fine, intact it is not just fine, but really good. It does not matter, how much you have enjoyed it at one point of time, what matters is that you no longer do.
- Finding new people with whom you share common thoughts is going to be even more difficult than it already is. Infact meeting new people in general is a difficult thing, It is not that you are not going to ‘meet’ new people, believe me you are, much more than what you wish, however you will not ‘meet’ them.
- When you hear about how universe is ever expanding and ever contracting, you did not think it mattered, but you know what, it did. You expanded over the years and contracted too, both figuratively and literally. So when you think that, you have become too stagnant, wait until you see yourself expand, before you know you would contract too. [Refer to a whole bunch of loose clothes in the boxes, and the old blog posts up here]
- Theories of life are interesting, and you love to discover some. Trust me, they stop at being theories. Like all those statistics and surveys that dont make sense and do at the same time, the theories too will make sense and won’t, all along. What remains, is the journey of discovery, both of it and off it.
- When it gets too familiar and boring, when you make that extra effort, in vain, to overcome your familiar familiarity, wait a bit more, in all probability you will fail. Familiarity is not that bad, it will help you soothe the novelty, and remind of the days you have craved for it.
- Your taste in life change as fast as your taste in clothes. Greys turn into browns, watch them turn into bright red, and settle into earthy shades of olive and maroons. When you look back, I am sure you will spot the patterns, just the way you always do in everything, and trust me you are going to be one satisfied fellow for being able to spot them. You have seen it go beyond ‘Identiti’, experimented with the ‘Big dogs’, developed into a better ‘Wills lifestyle’, upgraded into the ‘United colours’, downgraded into an oblivion of un-brands, until you discovered the comforts of ‘ether’, well your dream is ‘life is good’.
- Subjectivity drives life. What would you be if you were objective all your life, that is no fun. You are going to enjoy your reasoning, only when it can make a difference, if all it does is prove a fact, it is no fun. You might enjoy the decisiveness of being objective, but its boredom will kill its own joy.
- Doing what you like is going to remain fun irrespective of what you are liking at the moment. If you have missed the point of the previous sentence, let me make it a little more explicit, it is about how you are going to change w.r.t what you like to do. You will move on from one to another, and even though you feel awful at first for not spending enough time on what you had once loved doing, you will realise it is not a big deal.
- To sum it all, it is ok to get back to your exes, be it people who you have trusted, people who’s company you have enjoyed, activities you have loved, books you have sworn by, movies that you thought would never go out of fashion, or pure pleasures which you treasured indulging in. There will be a time and a reason which has lead you to outgrow them, but there will be a moment when you get to go back to them.
As humans why are we so obsessed with conclusions?. All arguments need to be decided, stories need to climax one way or the other, even sentences need to end with a period. This seems to be so unnatural, as in nature nothing waits till the end, end just happens, it is as abrupt as an unfinished sentence, a story incomplete. World does not wait for completeness, it just works at a pace not know to humans, and end happens, not to a plan. It sounds almost foolish to expect all sentences
If we were to partition what we need/want from people/relationships into various partitions, Into how many of them does one’s spouse fit into?. Into how many of them do others walk in?, Into how many of them do we let others walk in?.
Should one be happy if the spouse fits into many of these partitions?.
Should one be happy if they dont, and he/she can add many others who fit in naturally into these?.
Should one try to alter the spouse by changing their interests and outlook to be able to fit into more of these partitions?.
Should one be happy letting them fit only into those, where they fit naturally?.